How To Get Your True Identity Back After Leaving A Soul Crushing Job

So you’ve just left your soul crushing job, and feel you’ve lost your identity.

Contrary to belief, this is very common among people who make a sudden transition or change in their lives. Naturally, as human beings we do not like change and take time to adapt to it. When a large significant event in our lives occurs, we struggle to process what has actually happened.

We may fall into denial, get depressed or become anxious as a result of this sudden change, especially when there are negative emotions associated with it. For example, victims of natural disasters such as earthquakes, forest fires, hurricanes and tsunamis, display erratic behavior as a result of what has happened. 

Leaving a soul crushing job can have as much impact as a natural disaster. For a large part of your life, your job has taken up your time and given you a consistent salary every month to look forward to. When you suddenly take all of that away, it’s a sudden shift that threatens your well-being financially and emotionally, because of how important it is to you.

When A Devastating Loss Shatters Your Identity

Our accomplishments make us who we are. As humans we have a tendency to base our own identity on external things, such as our wealth, possessions, achievements in life, status and career. Unfortunately, when these things are taken away, so is our sense of identity.

You can see this example with professional athletes who suddenly become injured, or a businessman who usually has a lavish lifestyle suddenly become angry and hostile towards everything or everyone. Over 50% of retired athletes lose their identity and experience emotions such as loss, regret and devastation. The loss of the athlete’s ability to perform in competitions, or the businessman’s sudden lack of wealth can make them feel as though their entire life has been a lie. They’ve identified themselves by their accomplishments, and now that it no longer exists, neither does their identity.

Employees who leave a soul crushing job are very likely to feel the same way. They tie their identities to their job, their position and their income. When their job is gone, so are their identities.

How I Lost And Rediscovered My True Identity

When I was around 27 years old, I had an experience that changed how I viewed everything. I had just gotten myself out of $100K in debt after failing at 13 different businesses, and had finally begun to find success. Life was looking good, my income was at a very respectable level, and I felt like I had finally made it in life. All my failures, all my trials and everything I had to go through, finally made sense at that moment.

But then I suffered the most devastating loss that left me internally crippled.

In less than a month, I went from millionaire status, to the verge of being bankrupt. Everything that I finally had, was about to be taken away from me, which to this day is still one of my most devastating experiences I had to go through. I had finally made it, only to see everything slowly be taken away from me. In that moment, my identity was being torn away from me slowly piece by piece, because I made the mistake of basing it on my external accomplishments instead of internal.

I made the mistake of basing my identity on external accomplishments instead of internal.

That is why one of my philosophies that I share is that you should never base your worth on something that can be taken away. If you are someone who is respected, popular and well known and you pride yourself on that, it may be time to rethink how you view yourself. Instead of having the mindset that you are ‘well-liked because people flock to you’, change it to ‘people flock to me because I am a fun person to be around’. No matter what happens in life, your self image should remain the same. That is why many successful people advise you to stay humble and stay hungry, no matter how successful you may be.

The Journey To Reclaiming Your True Identity

So how do you reclaim your true identity, after everything you based it on was taken away from you?

Begin with these 3 steps to help you take back your true identity:

1. Separate Lies From Truth

You’ve based your identity all this time on external factors. And now that those things are taken away from you, so has your identity. But the truth is, this could not be further from the truth. Think back to when you were a child – what made you happy? What did you enjoy doing?

Your identity, happiness and sense of worth is not tied to anything outside yourself. As a child you did not experience a midlife crisis if you lost your favorite toy. You may have gotten upset or angry, but more likely than not you’d be motivated to find another toy to play with.

Look inside yourself and separates the lies from the truth. The lies being everything that is external you’ve based your identity on (Job, Wealth, Success), and the truth being everything that is internal (Personality, Mindset, Self Love).

2. Rediscover Who You Really Are

This is the process in which you look within yourself and ask deep questions to find out who you are. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you discover the answer to what:

• Actually makes you happy
• Outside opinions affect you and why
• Kind of person are you really, without society’s conditioning
• Brings you joy and happiness
• Makes you feel fulfilled in life
• Motivates you
• You are passionate about and enjoy doing, even if there is no reward involved

Finding the answer to these questions may take a lot of time. For me, when I was about to lose everything and my identity with it, I didn’t realize that my self esteem and worth was so heavily connected to material possessions. Once I realized that was the case, I slowly made the shift to judge myself based on my own skills and abilities, which helped me regain my self confidence.

3. Begin Your Journey To Reclaim Your True Identity

Discovering your true identity is a lifelong journey. As you live each day filled with purpose, passion and motivation, you will slowly uncover bits and pieces of who you really are. And overtime, these bits and pieces will come together to form a larger, complete picture. This picture is your true identity.

But unlike a shaky identity that is built on the foundation of external means such as possessions and things, these bits come from within you, and reflect your inner world. In this way, your sense of identity will never be broken or taken away, because you are the person who creates it. This is your true identity, one that you have full control over.

Rebuilding Your True Identity

Humans naturally do not like change. And when a change that is sudden and dramatic occurs, it can leave us feeling as though we have lost something important.

This is especially dangerous when it is something that we base our identity on. When this external trait is lost, such as a possession, a title that represents our status, or a well paying job, it can leave people feeling as though they have lost their identity.

In order to rediscover their true identity, there are 3 steps people should go through:

First, find out what’s true and what isn’t.

A person’s identity should not be tied to any external means. If you were an executive in a company, and your identity revolved around having the authority to boss people around, make a handsome salary every month and being someone of high status, that is not your true identity. That identity is tied to your job and basing your identity on those traits is a lie to who you really are. Instead, discover what you truly value, and base your identity on that. To do that…

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