How to get your confidence back when you have lost it

I was inspired to write this by one of my recent clients, this person has a highly successful career and portfolio of achievements. Life dealt a few curve balls, not related to job performance but they had an impact on professional confidence.

I have had lots of clients in my career consulting business over the years that have lost their confidence and I work on trying to resolve this.

People lose their confidence in the workplace through range professional and personal circumstances. Personal life and work life are not independent, they are two parts of your world, and one impacts the other.

·        Toxic workplace

·        Achieving less

·        Personal relationship issues / divorce

·        Illness

·        Bereavement

·        Being undermined by superiors

·        Missing out on promotions

·        Not getting interviews

·        Not getting jobs after interview

·        Redundancy

·        Getting ripped off

·        Loosing clients or not winning contracts

·        Missing deadlines or goals

·        Overweight or unfit

·        Addictions

Typically, people don’t even realise they are losing confidence until they feel really crap, it sneaks up and then impacts every area of their life like a dark cloud.

So, if you have lost your confidence, what can you do?

The first thing I do with clients that have lost their confidence is remind them of all the great things they have done. 

Please ignore the “you are only as good as your last achievement, deal, success” rubbish. That's a stick used to beat people with to get high performance.

Write a list of all the things you have achieved over the years, small things and big things, go into detail and keep the list somewhere you can refer to it.

You did those things!!! And you can do them again!!!

Secondly work out the reason things are not working. List all the issues and perceived failings that are impacting your world.

It’s not a fun activity and requires digging deep.

Take this list and put it into two columns

1.    Not my fault, I can’t change this

2.    I can make changes to affect these outcomes

I typically find with clients that there will a split between both columns but usually the majority sit in “not my fault”.

Be honest, if you think something was your fault (which is often the go-to, when you lack confidence), ask yourself, what could I have done to have changed this?

Let go of those you had no control over and roll with the punches but it’s not your fault. Its life and one thing I have learnt is after the rain, the sun is guaranteed to come out, even if it rains a long time.

Letting go any blame from these is key to getting your confidence back.

Then there is the column you can change or could have changed.

If its something that went wrong in the past, then its purpose is for you to learn and grow. Identify what you could have done differently, make an agreement with yourself not to repeat the mistake and take different action next time.

And then let it go. Everyone screws up. Making mistakes is day-to-day life, implementing learnings to prevent them happening again is growth.

Then there are the things that are currently happening, that you can change. 

Write down what needs to change to reverse these situations and then how you can act.

Remove blame from the scenario, its not your fault but you can look at changing your world. 

Meet yourself where you are at, don’t try and change the world all at once, otherwise you will get overwhelmed and further impact your confidence.

For example

Toxic workplace – a new job would reverse this. You can then focus on how to get a new job, write down the steps to take to achieve this and start taking these.

Being undermined by superiors – a respectful relationship would resolve this. Take control and call this person out, plan what your goal is and what you want to change and write yourself an overview of the conversation. Plan what you want to say. Pull them aside at a good time and explain that you don’t think the working relationship is positive and the best for the business. Try to negotiate a change in behaviour, often people are unaware how their behaviour impacts others and this is enough to instigate change. If not, then you need to look at plan b and how you can change the situation.

Overweight – being a health weight would resolve this. Start looking at what is causing the issue, get help, start making small changes, small steps build up to long journeys. Reward yourself for each small win.

Not getting interviews – getting interviews would resolve this. Look at what is wrong, speak to recruiters and get feedback, research google for tips on CV writing, job-seeking, look at your process and where that can be improved.

Tips for success

• Start small, don’t overwhelm yourself
• Get help, whether that be via a friend, a counsellor, doing research or training, help is out there in abundance if you look
• Be kind to yourself, keep a list of your achievements handy and read back on them with a smile.
• When you accomplish a step closer to your goal, however little, feel happy and proud at the progress

I should close by saying, the client I mentioned that inspired me to write this took action to change things and had great results, so all is good.

I have a business where I write resumes, LinkedIn profiles and coach my clients on effective job-hunting and strategic career planning.

My clients include very confident people but also those who have lost their confidence and I help them change this and move forward with their head held high.

I also work as a recruiter specialising in construction within Sydney.

I love a chat so if you need any assistance in any of these areas, give me a call 04375 90411 (M-F 9am to 6pm)