How to get your child to sleep in their own bed

Different cultures around the world practice different bedtime routines and perceive co-sleeping very differently. In many Asian, South American and Scandinavian families co-sleeping either in the same bed in a room or in different beds in the same room is the norm. Many European communities also follow the practice of co-sleeping for young babies however organizations like the The Lullaby Trust which work to stop all unexpected deaths of babies and young children clearly outlines how to create a safer space while co-sleeping and when not to co-sleep. According to a 2016 policy statement, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends room sharing without bed sharing due to the risk of SIDS. Although co-sleeping is frowned upon in the US, Susan Stewart, a professor of sociology at Iowa State University, found that many parents still co-sleep with their children, and it is a phenomenon that extends well beyond the infant and toddler years.

On a personal front we’ve had our own challenges around co-sleeping with Samaira. When Samaira was brought home from the hospital, we put a crib right next to my side of the bed to create a safe space for her that would keep her close to me and facilitate feeding all through the night. Initially we kept the crib closed on all four sides. However later on, bending over to pick her up and feed her got pretty challenging, post a C-section. My husband suggested removing the one of the rails altogether and aligning our beds next to each so that there would be no gap between the two beds and feeding Samaira would be much easier.

This seemed to work well for a while until she started rolling, kicking and talking in her sleep. After she turned one, she would keep rolling in her bed all through the night and slip into my bed in her sleep. Being a light sleeper, even the slightest noise or movement would wake me up. I would constantly keep checking if she was ok, tap her back to bed if she would sit up or start talking in her sleep, put a light bedsheet or quilt if she was feeling cold. This began to take a toll on my sleep as well as my movements in bed. I developed a frozen shoulder for a while and my neck and shoulder pain has never ceased till date.

After she turned four, we realized the crib has done more than it’s share of work and it was time to get a new single bed for Samaira. We got her excited about her new bed as we knew that transitioning into this bed would not be very easy for her. Just when we thought we would be blessed with some uninterrupted sleep in our own cozy beds, a new challenge crept upon us.

Samaira started looking for new and unique ways to sleep on our bed or snuggle into my side of the bed at night. She would make excuses like “my bed is not as soft as yours”, or “I want to hold you tight and I can’t do that from my bed”, “my bed is not comfortable enough” and several other such excuses. I’m sure a lot of the toddler moms and dads might be facing the same. 

I knew that none of the excuses were true but I had to step in her shoes and understand what the underlying issue was.

What are reasons why children fear sleeping in their beds?

• It’s something new for them and change is unsettling for most
• Some children could fear the dark or be scared of unknowns like monsters, ghosts and bad guys
• Some children might be scared of waking up alone and going to the washroom in the middle of the night
• Some are so used to having someone next to them while they sleep that absence of of that cue could make it difficult to sleep.
• Some children could experience recurring nightmares and that could cause anxiety.
• Some of them don’t understand why daddy and mommy can sleep in one bed but they cannot. Then think it’s unfair and perhaps they are not loved as much.

How can we help transition our kids to sleep in their own beds(in the same room or a different room)?

Here are few of things that worked for us

• Make your kid comfortable in the bed and the room (if it’s in a separate room) by using elements that make them feel special i.e. soft toys, special night lamps, favourite pillows, favourite music. This would depend on what your child likes or dislikes.
• Explain to your child how little kids transition into sleeping in their own bed as they grow up. This is not a punishment but a sign of independence and growth. This could take weeks to really drill in.
• Reward your child with something meaningful to them (more story time, more books) if they sleep in their own bed.
• Praise your child’s behaviour when they sleep in her own bed without a fuss.
• Explain to your child that you don’t love them any less if they sleep in her own bed.
• Establish a bed time routine i.e brushing teeth, drawing the curtains, saying prayers, drinking water, reading a story together and drifting off to bed.
• Consistency is critical for the process to work. Initially your child might throw a tantrum and come back to your bed after you’ve put them in your bed. This might happen quite a few times. The key here is to remain consistent and not to give in to your child, even if you are tired or frustrated.

We’ve managed to now successfully get her to sleep in her own bed except for a few stray instances here and there. The next big challenge would be to get her to transition into her own room. But that is still a few years away.

If you’ve experienced this situation and have had some success or failure with it, I’d love to hear from you. Do share your comments below the post.

#parenting #parentingadvice #co-sleeping #gettingyourchildtosleepintheirownbed #expatmom # expatmomindubai #expatparenting #parentsalwayslearning #samiarastories

The original article first appeared on Modern Parents on Medium https://medium.com/modern-parent/how-to-get-your-child-to-sleep-in-their-own-bed-bd26de80a34f