To get what you want, start with the other person's POV

In most activities we engage in our professional (and personal) lives; other parties are usually involved. This is true whether you are working with someone on a project, negotiating a deal, sorting out team priorities, managing up or down, or maybe selling or buying something.

Often times the sequence of thinking in such situations starts with the following:

1. What do I want or need?
2. How do I get my points across most effectively to convince the other person of my views?

This is normal, as people tend to approach the world with themselves at the center.

However, the following is a much more effective approach:

1. What are my objectives here?
2. What do the other parties care about, what are their main objectives, and what drives them?
3. How do I address (2) to achieve (1)?

As the old saying goes, "Tell me about a person's reward structure, and I will explain to you their behavior."

To convince someone to take action, you must understand what drives their thinking and decision-making process on that issue. Just because something makes sense to you doesn't mean it will make sense to them.

Additionally, just like the first law of motion, "A body at rest will stay at rest unless an outside force acts on it," and in this case, the "outside force" is "what's in it for them." As much as we have advanced as a species, humans are biologically programmed to prioritize their own needs over everything else.

Suppose you want a promotion. You may fully deserve a promotion, so you can go to your boss and explain to them how all your achievements and capabilities justify it. This might be enough, but a more effective method would be to point out how your promotion will help them specifically.

For instance, if they promote you, they could delegate more tasks or projects for you to manage, reducing their load. You should find some way to articulate how your promotion will also help them.

Another example would be a situation where you need the global sales force to help push your business unit's product which is newer and harder to sell. You can tell them how important it is for the company, but unless it's in their KPIs, they will sell whatever product is easiest to hit their number with.

To address this challenge, you'll need to engage with them and figure out how to make it easier for them to hit their number selling your product; maybe you will need to send specialists to help with customer calls or give them extra training, or both, but either way, you will have to "help them help you."

Another typical situation is when you need extra support from a service organization, typically HR, Finance, or IT.

Step one is to treat them like true business partners vs. generic resources. This is both the right thing to do and is usually very important for them.

Step two is to find out from them what their most important KPIs are and figure out how you can help them achieve them.

With these two items addressed, they will be much more likely to look at your special requests in a positive light, especially if you can align them to some of their KPIs

Of course, things are not always as straightforward as these examples. The key is to understand that if you want to be successful, you need to spend the time to figure out how to make what you want a "win" for the other parties as well, not just you.

Great salespeople know that the key to a successful sale is to figure out what the customer wants and how what you are selling can help them achieve that. The important lesson here is that every interaction you have with another party is like a sale. If you want them to "buy" the ideas or actions you are selling, you have to start with "what do they care about, and how do I make this a win for them?

To some, this may seem like manipulative behavior, but as long as you are being truthful and straightforward, it actually isn't -- You are just highlighting the points that matter to them vs. focusing the conversation on what matters to you. It's a simple change, but it makes all the difference.

Another counterpoint would be that sometimes you may be unable to find a way to make achieving your objectives a "win" for the other party. This is true, and going through the exercise of figuring that out is an integral part of determining your ultimate approach.

If you can't find a way to make it a win for them, then your chance of success will be significantly reduced. Understanding this can help you to look at compromise positions that may be more attractive to them but still achieve some of your objectives.

What do you think? Will this article change your approach moving forward?

#sales #career #business #behaviour #influence