How to get unstuck

Let me be honest with you; there was a period in my life where I googled the exact phrase “how to get unstuck” and “why do I feel lost?”.

Yep, real talk.

The other night, I was talking to a new fab friend (woman of colour) about age and the pressure we usually feel as we creep to thirty and then forty. We often feel that by the age of 30, we need to have something to ‘show’ in life.

Because of decisions, I had made in my life (I am a big believer in taking 100% responsibility for your life, not playing the blame game or making excuses), there was a point in my life where I felt stagnated, lost and stuck.

At its core, a loss of purpose had me feeling stuck, lost and confused. Growth individuals don’t like to be stagnated. Stagnation = frustration and every other negative emotion under the sun.

That period of my life taught me many life lessons. I tried everything under the sun and more.

This is what worked (for me).

3 practical and real life ways to get unstuck:

1. Be grateful

It goes without saying. But how many minutes do we spend a day winging, complaining and being negative as opposed to being grateful?

Here is the truth. We spend 5-30minutes writing up a gratitude list, or a gratitude meditation and then spend the remaining 900 minutes of the day being negative. Say you woke up at 7am, and went to bed by 10.30pm. Even if you spent 30min a day writing in your gratitude journal, that is only 3.3% of your time. How are you spending the other 96.7% of your day? In negativity? Complaining? Feeling sorry for yourself?

Because what we think is what we attract. Life is energy.

And anyway, why would God or the universe of whoever you believe in, give you the job, promotion or your dream, when you don’t appreciate the abundance that has already been gracefully given to you and is sitting right there in front of you? The saying is true. There is always someone worse off than you.

Cleaning my house is taking action and showing gratitude for the blessing of a house. When I clean I could easily complain. But instead with every movement I am grateful. And it is gratitude that moves me to keep my house clean. It’s called being a good steward. The universe/God rewards those that are good stewards. Being a good steward is taking care of what we currently have (even if it is a crappy falling apart car) to the best of our ability (as if it was a Lamborghini).

Gratitude isn’t just a thought or a line in a journal. But action and a way of living life.

What you think, say and do brings in more of that. So aim to live from a place of gratitude throughout your day and not for 3.3% of your day.

2. Watch what you say, to yourself and others

Even if your reality is not currently showing up, even if you are feeling stuck, lost and like a complete loser, speak words of hope, affirmation, and life.

Instead of keeping a journal and writing every morning about how sucky your life is, keep a ‘future journal’ and write from your future state. Write how you will feel when you have done XYZ to achieve XYZ.

I had a friend who started a new business. She thought affirmations and visualisation where for losers. Untill she was in a position when she had to try something, anything to get new clients. So she decided to give it a try. Worked like a charm. Within 2 weeks she had booked 2-3 new gigs and several new clients. She was now earning more money in her business than in the job she used to have.

When I was completely broke, I decided to follow the example in the book The Little Princess. I pretended I had an incredible amount of wealth and luxury. I ravished in the feeling that even though I had coins to buy groceries, that I had access to a large room filled with food in abundance (also called a grocery store). I started seeing the abundance that was already in my life. A roof over my head, an organisation called Centrelink that paid me money to look for a job and a car that took me safely from one place to another. I had a pantry to be creative with and a wardrobe full of clothes. I saw my abundance and lived from a place of abundance. Over time things change. Just like in the book The Little Princess, my former ‘wealth’ was eventually restored. It took living from a place of abundance in my thoughts and words, both to others and to myself to shift my reality.

Words and thoughts are powerful. Choose good ones.

3. Make room for miracles

A sign that we are holding on too tightly is frustration.

I had to remind myself of this important fact this week even though I have a post-it note above my kettle reminding me of this every day. When we release our frustrations to something higher than ourselves, we make room for miracles.

How can life direct us if we are holding on too tightly directing every minute of every day?

Sometimes the best things that happen are not things that are written in a life/career/business plan but in unplanned moments. Sometimes it’s a whisper, sometimes it's a gigantic miracle. Whatever it is, make room for miracles in your life. Do the work, and surrender outcomes and expectations to something higher than yourself. It’s worked for Oprah. It worked for me. I hope it works for you.

And a bonus…

4. Work with what you have like it's the only thing you got.

People want to help people that are able to help themselves first. So look at what you currently have. Unemployed? Then make it your full-time job to look for a job. Or use your strengths and skills to help community organisation or a neighbor. You have so much to offer and you already have so much (contrary to what you may believe at this very moment).

So work with what you have like it’s the only thing you got, like your whole life depended on it. It will get you moving. Maybe not in the direction you want, but moving. When you are moving, it’s easier to pick up the pace and change directions. It’s easier for people to help and people want to help those that are able to help themselves first. And here is the icing on the cake - taking action will increase your self-esteem. Self esteem = changed feelings. Changed feelings = changed thoughts. Changed thoughts = changed actions. Little by little overtime, your reality will shift.

If you would like help in getting unstuck in your career, life or business, please send an email to hello[at]aminaofzaria.com. I'd love to help.

Thanks for reading this article and my hope is that it would get you unstuck and moving. Please leave a comment and share so that others can also get unstuck.

My purpose is not only in helping individuals and organisations to adapt to the future of work, but also helping women of colour advance. Women of colour experience a double glass ceiling in leadership and entrepreneurship. We are a multicultural country and this need to change.

A way forward to advance women of colour:

ColourFULL 2020 is a conference created by and for women of colour. The conference will focus on programs and initiatives such as sponsorship, mentoring, coaching and an aim to create a membership-based community and private network for the advancement of women of colour in leadership and entrepreneurship via Amina of Zaria.

The conference will feature an awards ceremony, recognising remarkable women of colour who are taking the lead socially, culturally and professionally and highlighting them as inspiring role models.

This conference is also for diversity and inclusion individuals, managers and leaders of organisations who are interested in the advancement of women of colour and would like to hear robust conversations and keynotes from this incredible community firsthand.

So, here is the challenge to you:

• If women of colour and leadership is important to you like you say it is;
• If you would like to know more about how you can create equality and opportunities for women of colour in your organisation;
• If you would like to express interest to be involved (such as sitting on the steering committee, sponsoring, being a patron, speaking, volunteering or attending the conference);
• If you would like help with creating opportunity for yourself as a women of colour and advance your career or business;

Then email us at hello]at]aminaofzaria.com and we will also send you a free white paper on closing the gap for women of colour in leadership and entrepreneurship to say thank you and support you in creating change and in being apart of the solution.

You can also register for the conference and find out more here: https://www.aminaofzaria.com/colourfull

Thank you for reading this - really, from the bottom of my heart. If you enjoyed it please share the love and re-post, like, comment and share to your networks and colleagues that they can continue to learn to grow and evolve.

Let’s continue the conversation and take action towards #TrueEquality. It’s time to be #ColourFULL.

Be blest.

Winitha Bonney

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Winitha Bonney is a thought leader in the future of work and the advancement of women of colour. She is also the founder of Amina of Zaria (a digital platform and media company for women of colour to succeed in career, business and life) and has founded several other start-ups. She has over 21 years of experience and brings together over 17 years of experience and research in the future of work and the advancement of women of colour in leadership and entrepreneurship to create change and transformation for individuals and organisations.