How to Get Unstuck: A Self-Love Strategy

(The second in a 3-part series)?

Sometimes my coaching clients show up feeling overwhelmed. “I can't decide,” they'll say. I'll remind them of our High-Way 2 process, “If I had no fear, what would I do?” Yet sometimes even that doesn't bring clarity. So I encourage them to release the struggle and stop “trying” to decide. Author Byron Katie says it this way: ??

“I don't make decisions. I don't bother with them, because I know they'll be made for me right on time. When the time is right the decision makes itself."

So what to do while we're waiting? Even waiting can be exhausting. Rather than waiting for things to unfold, we can simply ask for what we want and then go on living life. The answers will show up when it's time and not one moment before. If we need something to “do,” we can always return to the “work" of loving ourselves and serving others where we feel led. ? ??

Over the years, Self-Love has moved to the top of my to-do list. I'm taking better care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually these days. I call it work because it takes discipline to journal my gratitudes and affirmations, go to the gym, keep a clutter free home, eat unprocessed foods, etc. but I'm feeling better and better because of it. And then, when I'm ready, I have more to give others.?

A big part of Self-Love for me is the sacred word "No." My favorite version of that is, "No, I won't be doing that but thank you for asking." I recently feasted on an article by Brene Brown where she listed 8 kinds of people we should not help.

It's good to be helpful when we can, but there are situations where offering assistance can be counterproductive or even harmful. I am continually learning to give from my overflow, not my reserves.

We are often looking “out there” for what decision to make, but creating a map to following our bliss is an inside job. And it's moment to moment. Choosing thoughts that feel good in this moment is all we need to do. That will lead to choosing actions that feel good. We can follow the yellow brick road one. brick. at. a. time.

There is rarely a right or wrong decision, just those that feel better or worse. Self-judgment always feels worse. Self-love always feels better.?

I have been a "rescuer" way too many times in my life, and I have paid a dear price. The wonderful reality is that I am not stuck in that role. We can always choose a new way.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

By Portia Nelson

I.

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

II.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I still don't see it. I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

It isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

III.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there, I still fall in.

It's habit. It's my fault. I know where I am.

I get out immediately.

IV.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V.

I walk down a different street.

MK?

MK Mueller is the author of 8 to Great and other books, available on Amazon.

www.8togreat.com

Brene's Podcast on Who You Should Not Help