How to Get Someone to Tell the TRUTH

My concentration on getting at TRUTH has been primarily on asking questions, but questions reside within a larger context of getting people to tell the TRUTH. Arriving at this point requires a little behavioral psychology.

First, a little TRUTH disclosure. The area that we are now entering goes somewhat beyond the simple realm of TRUTH and into a whole new level of honesty and human behavior. I hope it goes without saying that I want to use what we are going to cover for positive truth seeking. I have always believed that hard truth is better than ignorant bliss. So, use these ideas to bring more honesty into your life and business. You can also use them to develop your truth-telling instincts.

Our focus will be on testimony, an inquiry of an individual from whom we hope to gain additional TRUTH. This individual is generally called the subject. The subject can be anyone who can supply you with information about the TRUTH, or the actual full TRUTH you are seeking. Let’s start.

First, questions are essential to the process, but silence can be a more effective tool sometimes. What you?don’t say?is just as important as what you do say. The key to getting someone to tell the truth is not filling the silence. Wait an extra beat after your subject finishes talking to make sure they do not have anything else to add. It is amazing how much liars will divulge in these moments.

Second, a key to TRUTH is found in building a relationship with the subject and the most effective method to do this is to nod.? Yes, it sounds silly, but research shows that people will talk three to four times more than usual if the listener nods their head as the speaker talks. You can also do this when someone finishes speaking to get them to say more. If they have anything they are holding back, this can unlock their thoughts by making you show interest and agreeableness.

Another key to this step is get as intimate as possible, not isolating them or putting them in a dark room (that only works in the drama of cop shows), but if you’re trying to obtain information, avoid crowds and talking face-to-face in an intimate setting. No friends, no family members—just a nice one-on-one setting to increase that human connection.

Consider the impact of conversations while walking, driving or traveling together. Conversations when walking or driving seem more casual and informal because both parties are side-by-side rather than face-on. This makes people feel more comfortable and increases the likelihood they will speak freely and openly.??

Rarely do people feel that there is a conversational agenda when they walk, drive or travel together. People aren’t in the habit of conversations becoming overly formal or highly structured?when they move about. Quite the contrary. People expect a side-by-side conversation when walking, driving or sitting on a plane or train to be unscripted and more carefree. This expectation encourages disclosure and diminishes the natural urge to pre-think or prepare to respond as they do in a more formal setting.?

Third, minimize the significance of the encounter. ?Empathize with the subject that your inquiry is no big deal, that you are just trying to clarify the situation and get information. Oftentimes the subject will latch on to this lenient line of thinking and either confess or give you a clue as to their thinking. It sounds corny, but it actually works.

Your primary goal is to create a connection at the human level. Perhaps the best way to do so is by sharing. And the best thing to share is food. Lunch, coffee, candy, or even a drink can work wonders. Sharing works because it opens people up. The more you share, the more open and trusting the other person becomes.

Next, being honest and good is the best way to act in life, and it may also get you the best results. Be reassuring?letting them know what they can contribute is essential for getting at the TRUTH. Don’t alienate them or downplay the consequences. Explain that after divulging information, they will come out better—either be a better person, have a better outcome, or just feel relieved. Show understanding in what they might have done, what made them do this, or if they were pressured. Try to see the TRUTH from their perspective.

The ability to connect with the subject at a deep, personal level is the most effective tool for getting at the TRUTH. Your ability to build trust and empathy are the keys. Body language isn’t just the nonverbal aspect of this—although that’s important. True mastery of?body language allows you to build rapport, connecting with others on a deeper level than normal.?

When you?really?want to get someone to confess the TRUTH, try removing all barriers—desks, tables, etc.—so you have a direct one-on-one connection with them. Guilty people typically like to hide behind things—a table, a pillow, etc.—or slink down in their chair. With nowhere to hide, you will see more?TRUTH. Go as far invading their space. People get a bit rattled when you enter their personal space. Pull a chair closer or take a step toward them. This makes them feel more transparent and will often encourage them to dig a little deeper. This is good if you are trying to get someone to divulge secret information.

Finally, what is the best way to get someone to tell the truth? Tell the truth yourself. If you come from a place of truth, you are more likely to solicit it. This is part of being influential—not only telling the truth but knowing?how?to tell it. Influence comes in many ways. Every person is different, and sometimes one technique may not work. It’s best to always remain calm and good-natured every step of the way, even if it means changing your techniques up slightly… or a lot.

?The TRUTH is out there. Sometimes all you have to do is ask!