How To Get Refocused After A Negative Event

Decide to use negative events to your advantage.

The two most common ways for people to regulate their emotions are...

Reappraisal (changing the way you think about an emotional event) 

OR 

Suppression (changing the way you respond behaviorally to an emotional event).

Both methods are better than complaining or sinking into a pit of despair. Both methods involve change. But studies show that reappraisal has more short-term and long-term benefits than suppression.

A review in the Journal of Personality discusses a variety of experiments demonstrating that people who cognitively reappraise emotional situations function better socially, have a better sense of their overall well-being, and make better decisions moving forward. 

They also have better emotional profiles later in life.

The best way to reappraise a negative situation is to see yourself as the master of your problems rather than as the victim.

3 Strategies For Reappraising A Negative Situation

Your problems are at your disposal.

You can think about them, learn from them, and respond to them in any way you choose. 

When something bad happens to you, change the way you interpret it.

Instead of complaining or feeling sorry for yourself, focus on the result (not yourself) and find a way to learn from it as quickly as possible. Then, find a way to use it to your advantage.

When it comes to negative results, avoid permanent and personal thinking. In this way you will own your mistakes without owning them forever. Here are 3 cognitive reappraisal techniques to help you refocus after a negative event at work or otherwise.

1. Use the negative event as motivation.

Negative circumstances can be motivating. If you’re not using them to your advantage, you’re missing out.

As soon as your mind feels pain, whether it’s physical or emotional, it will take action to relieve it. There are only two ways to relieve pain, evasion or transformation.

Evasion is what most people do. They evade reality by distracting themselves with gossip, meaningless drama, and useless information. Transformation, on the other hand, is the process of using that pain as motivation to reap more benefits faster.

Here’s a simple example…

If you are in a difficult relationship at work, you can either manage this negative event by closing yourself off emotionally, or you can use it as motivation to grow yourself professionally. The key is to reappraise the situation and approach it from an "I’m going to get something out of this" standpoint.

2. Blame yourself, not others for the negative event. 

You’re not responsible for all the negative events you face at work and in life, but you are responsible for how you handle them.

When someone at work or home annoys you, belittles you, or ignores you, it’s easy to obsess over how bad they are. He’s a narcissist. She’s selfish. They all have personality disorders. If you’re thinking like this, the only one with a personality disorder is you.

Stop thinking that negative events only happen to you. Stop thinking that negative events should never happen to you.

The truth is these events happen to everyone. Instead of having a victim mentality, approach negative events with a discovery mentality. 

You’re being tested for a reason. You're being tested so that you can learn something. Adversity is the fastest way to grow. It’s the shortest distance between the career you want and the career you have now.

No one is to blame for you feeling pain in response to the obstacles you face at work except you. You can’t be forced to feel pain. Negative emotions like fear, anger, and sadness are personal decisions. When you feel these emotions, you’re choosing to feel them.

You can’t stop bad things from happening to you, but you can limit how much these things hurt you.

Stay disciplined in your reactions. Refuse to blame other people for your unhappiness and lack of success. Instead, blame yourself. Put yourself in the driver’s seat. Take control of how you feel by taking responsibility for  how you handle the negative event.

3. See negative events as opportunities to grow. 

Think of the last fictional movie you watched. Think of the main characters. Were they happy all the time? Were their lives problem-free throughout the entire movie?

No, of course not.

If they were, you wouldn’t have watched the movie. The movie would have been too boring and unrealistic to enjoy. Now, think of your own life. Consider a time in your past when you achieved something—when you had a problem and you overcame it successfully.

What happened next? Did you stay satisfied forever? No, you went out and created new problems.

You decided you wanted something else and started taking action towards it. Then—surprise—you found out that this new thing you wanted came with its own problems. Stop acting surprised by the fact that you have problems.  You’re always going to have problems.

It’s unrealistic for you to think you should never face an obstacle. Life is just a collection of obstacles. The key is to see your obstacles as opportunities to grow.

The key to happiness and success is to choose your obstacles. Seek out challenges that are difficult but reward you with rapid progress. Take the reigns of the negative events you experience in life.

What strategies do you use to get refocused in the middle of a negative event at work or home? Tell me in a comment below.

I also write for Fast Company and Entrepreneur Magazine:

• The Skills You Need To Grow Your Business
• 10 People Who Will Destroy Your Business
• 5 Benefits Of Being A Misfit Entrepreneur

Check out my book of personal and professional advice, Black Hole Focus: How Intelligent People Create A Powerful Purpose For Their Lives.