How to get out of your own way

I thought a lot about this. Is the title too aggressive, too direct? Too 'in your face'? Too presumptuous? What if you misinterpret the message, don't interpret it at all, or worse still, interpret it differently? In the space between what is said and not said, we often fill in the gaps. I wanted to write about self-doubt, about how it can debilitate us if we're not careful. About how to use it as fuel, how to acknowledge it as it happens, and about how I should probably take my own advice. Because this article is about anxieties, its very intention may trigger yours. But as Taylor Swift once said (note: loving that reference), we must be prepared to meet ourselves. Just not necessarily at midnight.

I know so much about self-doubt I doubted for months about whether or not to start writing at all. I self-doubted myself into a self-doubt-off with, myself. I'm forever wary of those who call themselves 'experts' in everything in a world that's forever changing, but if there's one thing I can solemnly swear I've always been a true expert at, it's at not being sure if I'm an expert. Should I have even said that? It's not cool to talk about doubt, especially here. Here, people know stuff. Here, everyone is an expert. Here, few doubt while many soar. There is a lot to be learned through vulnerability, and in knowing that a bit of doubt used in the right way can be a good thing. If you were to hang doubt on a washing line along with other associated emotions, you might initially hang up oddly formed pegs with crudely animated faces labelled 'lack of confidence' or 'indecision'. They'd be visibly sad and belong in a poorly-judged crossover campaign where Persil supports The Samaritans. But the moment we recognise how we are feeling before it takes hold, it becomes a superpower. We could all do with giving ourselves a little more credit, myself included. We could all do with getting out of our own way. But how? I have a few ideas...

Blow your own trumpet

I do this all the time now, so much so that I should start a band. (Let me know if you want to join). We should all be more vocal about what we do and what we're achieving on a daily basis. Whether it's here or on any other form of social media, life is noisy, and it's hard to drown it out. It is easy to come up with a thousand excuses not to do something. 'Why would anyone want to hear what I have to say?', 'This person is doing this already', 'My voice will be drowned out'. This internal noise is far more harmful than any external sounds. The most dangerous boxes are the ones we put ourselves in. I know that we all achieve amazing things every single day, both personally and professionally, and we would all do well to bask in this cheesy cliche. Talk to your boss about the best channels to communicate with your peers about your contribution, and that of your team. Write that post. Share that article. As Nike once didn't say, just say it.

Know that you don't know what you don't know

Don't see 'not knowing' as a position of weakness, but as an opportunity to learn, absorb and up skill. There is so much to learn and it can feel that everyone else knows it all. Spoiler alert: they don't. If knowing things is half the battle, then knowing what you don't know is the other half. Being aware of what you don't know means that you understand where you need to improve, and allows you to identify opportunities for development and growth. Listen to others, take in their expertise, and learn from it. Knowing that your own experience won't ever be exactly the same as everyone else's is also key. Be aware that not knowing everything about a particular topic can also be a real strength, allowing you to offer a fresh, often unbiased perspective to conversations. You can not know everything and still be a great contributor or leader. As the adage goes, true leaders are always learning. Even the people who seem like they know everything about everything, still don't know some things. They're just better at hiding it. This is a mind blowing revelation and a reminder that perception is not always reality. Once you adjust your mindset about 'not knowing', it can almost seem cooler than 'knowing'. OK, not really. But you get the idea.

Do it anyway

Want to write? Write. That new opportunity? Go for it. Got an idea? Share it. In a world of uncertainty, it's no wonder we often choose to stay safe. We know about comfort zones and how they can limit us by staying within them. With few exceptions, it's wise to simply 'go for it' in the majority of cases. If you don't grasp the opportunity, someone else will. If you don't put yourself forward, somebody else will. It's important to not let the fear of doing something take away the potential in an opportunity, and in nine out of ten cases you'll usually find you'll regret not doing something more than you would by going for it. Be careful to listen to your own voice, including your intuition, sure. But be prepared to ignore you own voice too. If it feels like you are standing in your own way, you most probably are.

Ask the damn question

Make sure your voice is heard. There is an art to speaking up and asking questions in the right way, even if it does not come naturally, and there is harm to be done by quietening yourself out of fear. Your voice is valuable, even if the one inside your head tells you otherwise. You are where you are for a reason. Despite what you don't know, you know so much more than you think. Raise your hand, both literally and figuratively, (hello Microsoft Teams) and say what you need to say. Speak up. Even if it's difficult. This is especially important if you are exploring what is possible as it's important not to have this conversation solely in your own head. The brain has a way of constructing narratives and weaving untruths that will surprise you. Do your best to learn that just because you think you know the outcome already, you probably don't. And even if you think you do...

You're usually wrong

''Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right."

Said Henry Ford. And he was, err, right. And even if the thought he was wrong, he was still right. We must accept that the story we create in our own head is just that: a story. That we actually don't know the way a situation will pan out, even if we are convinced that we do. That whatever way we think something will go, life will usually throw us the opposite. Our ability to predict is almost always universally flawed and although easier said than done, try to learn from this pattern. I look back at key career moments in my life and in almost every single scenario, what I thought would happen, is not what would happen. When I thought I had it all figured out, I didn't. When I doubted what I could do, I went ahead and did it anyway. When I thought I would not get the support I needed, I received it. I've since been in the extremely fortunate position to be able to lead a team, and to be able to give this support to others is a privilege. If you can, read 'Feel the fear and do it Anyway'. At the very least, remember the title.

If you're struggling with this topics raised in this article, I hope you learn to silence your inner voice a little, the next time it's too loud.

I should get out of my own way now, so I can start work on the next one.