How to Get Noticed Without Overwhelming Yourself

Perhaps you recognise this behaviour. You have an insecurity, something you don’t particularly like doing. It could be socialising at work events, it could be presenting information in a meeting, or welcoming a guest at your team, whatever it is, it’s something that’s well within your skill set. We’re not talking brain surgery or skydiving here, we ‘re talking attending an event and taking an active role of some sort.

You see your colleague come towards you with a question on their face in in those few steps it takes to reach you, you somehow know the question they’re going to ask you. And before they’ve even finished asking the question, you’re already said “No”…or you’ve dived into a side room to avoid them. So they ask someone else, who willingly says ‘Yes’. And at that point, you realise your mistake. You were offered the responsibility and your turned it down, and now someone else will get the credit for doing it. And then, for the rest of the day, week, your life perhaps, you regret that “No”.

Let’s have a look at what was going on emotionally there, why it went so wrong and what you can do about it.

As we play back the situation, we can see that there are within us all certain ‘things’ that trigger a fear response. It could be a memory of an uncomfortable occasion that's triggered, consciously or subconsciously. The event might not even have happened to us personally, we might have seen it happen to someone close to us, or we could have seen it happen on a TV show. Wherever we’ve seen it,? in our imagination perhaps, we’ve labeled it as dangerous. At least part of our mind has label it as dangerous, the part that’s there to protect us from having uncomfortable experiences. In those seconds where the question is asked our protector has jumped in and answered the question for us. Well done protector.

As they leave we feel relief and get rush of energy as the adrenaline that was produced from the fear of the situation circulates. But the relief doesn’t last long because there’s another part of us that really would like to have presented the information or attended the event, the part of us that’s honoured to have been asked, and that actually craves recognition for all it’s skills. Now the protector has stepped back that part comes forward lamenting a lost opportunity as yet another part of us the “I told you so” part starts ridiculing us for being so weak, so stupid, so fearful.

So what’s the answer? Well that depends on how brave you are and the possible positive and negative outcomes. The obvious alternative would be to say “yes”, but that in itself can be difficult not to mention risky.

So how about a middle of the road plan, something to give yourself options and assess risk? How about a “maybe”? Could it really be as simple as saying that you’ll consider it? Think about it what else could you say that’s not “Yes”, and that’s not “No”.

How about…

• Let me think, about it.
• When do you need an answer?
• What exactly...?
• Where exactly...?
• When exactly... do you need me to do this?

If words fail you at that moment as you fight off that protective instinct, saying nothing or even just a “Hmmm” or "Errr" is better than a “NO” straight away, because if you continue to say no before they’ve finished asking you, over time you’re going to get the name for being someone who never says yes, and at some point they’ll give up asking.

Now before your protector starts celebrating that thought too joyously think about the consequences of not being asked any more. If what you’re saying no to is actually something you need for your development as a person or within your career, you’ve suddenly made it a whole load more complicated and difficult to say yes. Because when they stop asking you, you no longer have the option of just saying one word.

“Yes”

You’ve now got to find them and actually persuade them to allow you to do that scary thing.

So please for your own sake, take a good look at what to is that terrifies you most, notice where you’re saying “No” when actually a “Yes” is what you really want. Take a good look and then make a plan for what needs to happen for you to be able to say “YES”.

The trick here is to know yourself and if you’re the type of person that easily gets overwhelmed by these situations, take it slow.

A first step might be allowing them to finish asking the question before you say no! Perhaps count to 3 in your head before saying “No”.

Next step could be saying “I’m not sure”, or “I don’t think I’d be the best person to do it”. By saying this you are at least showing that you’re considering it and not risking never being asked again.

A further step could be asking for more information. It could be that your protector imagined something far more scary than it actually is, but you’re not going to find out unless you ask.

The final step before “Yes” is to offer to let them know the following day. That gives you breathing space to plan of how you can do this thing.

Be smart, know yourself and plan the best way for you to move from “No” to “Yes”.