How to Get Comfortable Having Difficult Conversations with Your Team

Having difficult conversations is an inevitability of any leadership role – so why do so many leaders find it so challenging?

Having explored this more deeply, there are actually many reasons why leaders of all levels find it such an uncomfortable part of their leadership role.

In this blog, we’re going to look at the psychology behind having difficult conversations and explore how leaders can get comfortable with having these often unwanted interactions.

Why Do (Even Experienced) Leaders Avoid Difficult Conversations?

It’s a common misconception that only experienced leaders are well versed in the art of having difficult conversations – leaders at any stage in their career can stall when it comes to delivering bad or unwanted news to their team.

Let’s look at some of the barriers that can get in the way:

• A lack of depth of relationship – You can be a leader with many years of experience, but being in a position where you lack meaningful relationships with your team members will hinder you in this respect. This usually applies to leaders who are new in a particular team or organisation, but it can also happen when leaders have been in their role for a significant period of time but have failed to develop meaningful connections with their team.
• It’s often situational – in an ideal world, awkward situations would be taken care of swiftly and with little repercussions, in the real world this is rarely the case. As a leader you might feel the need to bide your time, and to have a certain conversation at the right time – is this always a good idea? We will look at this a little later.
• You don’t want to alter the relationship with your team – leaders can fear becoming unpopular, which can drive their decisions, and this may come from a place of insecurity or even inexperience. Honesty is key to creating and maintaining respect within your team , so avoiding talking about difficult issues will only hamper the development of a strong and trustworthy relationship with your colleagues.

Why Avoiding Difficult Conversations is Sometimes the Right Thing to Do

Interestingly, it’s not always less experienced leaders who tend to avoid having difficult conversations with their team. It can be that a leader who lacks confidence in their people skills will seek to find alternative solutions to having an awkward conversation, but what about the times when it’s actually best to park the difficult conversations for a later date?

The best leaders are always conscious of how any conflict or disruption could have an adverse affect on their team – sometimes avoiding having a difficult conversation at a particular time is a strategic move. Sometimes it’s just not worth it to create a difficult situation in that particular scenario – high emotional intelligence is necessary to successfully deliver this leadership skill.

Are you paying enough attention to how your own, and the words and actions of other colleagues, impact on the members of your team?

How to Get Comfortable Having Difficult Conversations

So, how can managers and leaders minimise the impact of difficult conversations on your team?

1. Think About Timing

As I mentioned above, having a difficult conversation with a colleague might be necessary, but that does not mean you should rush into sharing your thoughts right away. It can be tempting to bring up the issue right away, to ‘get it over with’ but remember how essential the timing is when tackling sensitive topics. Don’t choose the end of a meeting where tensions have been running high, or at a crucial part of a project. If it can wait, block out some time when you and the individual will both be free of distractions and other influences, which will enable you to talk about the issue in isolation.

1. Manage Expectations Early On

It is true that having difficult conversations will be harder for you as a leader if you have already built a relationship with your team based on avoiding having difficult conversations and have developed a friendly working relationship with them. It is key for new leaders to set the tone by being frank about the fact that difficult conversations will happen as and when they need to. Be honest and transparent when difficult conversations are on the horizon, and pre-empt difficult conversations by being clear about your leadership style so people are not taken by surprise.

Even for leaders well established in a team, if you feel that some difficult conversations need to be had in the near future, you can set your intentions with the team that these will be happening over the coming days/weeks.

1. Normalise Uncomfortable Conversations

When you have a good working relationship with your team, it is never going to be easy when you have to manage people through difficult times. Whether it’s performance management, delivering negative feedback or managing unwanted company changes, it is key that you familiarise your team with the fact that uncomfortable conversations are a part of every team, and that they should be viewed pragmatically rather than personally.

Finally

The dread of having uncomfortable conversations with your team does not have to be a barrier to being an excellent leader.

Remember that they should not be avoided, but being mindful of when the conversations are delivered needs to be considered, which takes emotional intelligence.

Work on normalising the difficult conversations, setting your expectations and then putting that into practice with a focus on honesty and transparency at all times.

Struggling having difficult conversations? Zestfor can enhance your team’s leadership skills, click here to find out how.

Until next time,

Julia Carter

About Julia Carter

Julia Carter is the MD of Zestfor?Ltd and specialises in working with leaders and managers of virtual and hybrid teams to improve team effectiveness.

Effective leadership involves numerous competencies, but it also requires a core mindset which is rarely explored in leadership programmes . Julia’s mission is to instil this core mindset into as many leaders as possible so that they can empower their people in their areas of specialty...and hopefully in their personal lives too.

In 2009, Julia founded Zestfor - a training consultancy and continues her mission.