How To Get Better Feedback To Grow As A Leader

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Early in my career, I’d begin my nightly commute with angst, wondering why my leader wasn’t giving me the projects I wanted or the feedback I thought I needed to further my career. I saw many coworkers being awarded the assignments I wanted. How did they get so lucky? I asked them their secret, which simply was that they told the right people what they wanted in their career and were open to feedback about how to achieve it.

What an “Aha!” moment — I had been spending too much time passively waiting for the future and not enough time asking how I could proactively create it. I was actually giving away the personal power of driving my career by leaving it up to my leader to control. My leader absolutely deserved my respect, but I shouldn’t always be waiting on them to give me the feedback, development or advancement I need. (And what a burden to carry for the leader!).

As I work with employees and leaders alike, a common concern I hear is that they get the majority of their feedback at performance review time, wishing it would occur more frequently. They believe that if their leader would, on a regular basis, give them the performance information they need to do their job better, then they would be more successful or further along their career.

A lack of quality feedback is also common with my clients who are more senior leaders in the organization. The higher you rise in an organization, two things occur. 1) There are fewer people above you to give you feedback and 2) Unfiltered feedback can be harder to come by as your direct reports, even your peers to some extent, may not always fully express all of their thoughts (especially constructive) to you.

However, I learned a powerful lesson from successful high performers - they not only asked for feedback, but they asked for it in a unique way from a variety of sources. Then, they we clear on using it as an opportunity to communicate their career goals.

Here's how you can ensure you are getting the quality and quantity of feedback you need to advance your career and grow as a leader.

Boost Your Peace

Let's be honest, asking for and receiving feedback is a vulnerable process! Sometimes, we struggle asking for feedback because it is simply uncomfortable to do so and also to open ourselves us to critique. Here are a few tips to keep your peace during this process.

1. Notice and normalize the discomfort here with tons of compassion.
2. Name the emotions you are feeling. "I notice that I am feeling nervous, vulnerable, insecure and even hopeful about asking for feedback."
3. Reframe it and prepare to act on it. "It's normal to feel nervous about asking for feedback - it means I care about my work. Or, I care about hearing in public what people may be saying about me in private."

Boost Your Potential

Getting feedback on your approach from a variety of sources helps you bring your blind spots to light. Sadly, some leaders who find themselves in a conflict or feedback avoidant culture may never hear valuable information they need to improve their leadership skills, and ultimately their potential, at work. So, they will need to be intentional about getting good feedback. Try this technique I recently learned from the Center for Executive Coaching to make feedback simpler to get:

1. Choose 3-5 other colleagues, customers or key stakeholders to get regular feedback along with your current leader.
2. Tell them a behavior you are working to improve. Be specific. (I.e. being more present, stop interrupting, presenting with less filler words, asking vs telling, etc).
3. Ask them regularly: What did I do well? What could I have done better? What other advice do you have?

(Pro tip: Ask for "advice" over feedback. People don't always like to give feedback but they tend to love to give you advice on what to try instead).

Boost Your Paycheck

Executive leader and author, Carla Harris, frequently drops this gem, "The majority of decisions about your career will be made when you are not in the room." So this means you need to be clear with your leader, your peers and other key stakeholders about your career goals so they can bring up your name when opportunities arise.

The chance to ask for feedback presents this opportunity. Try this:

I am looking to continue to grow my career and position myself for a senior leadership role in ___________. One of the behaviors I'd like to develop to prepare myself for this _______ role is my ability to ___(pause first in meetings and let others contribute)______. Can I check in with you to get feedback and advice on my progress on this behavior?

What tip will you try to get the feedback you need to advance your career?

Kelli Thompson is a women's leadership & executive coach, award-winning speaker and author who helps women advance to the rooms where decisions are made. She offers 1-1 coaching and speaking and is the founder of the Clarity & Confidence? Women's Leadership program, which is enrolling until March 30! 9 spots remain - get the details here .