Why is it so hard to change your habits?

Why is it so hard to change your habits?

One of the main reasons it's so hard to change your habits is the amount of myths circulating about habit change.

Let's take your New Year’s resolutions. How are you going with them?

If you’re like many people you decided to work on some aspect of your health this year – whether it’s drinking less, eating healthier, increasing exercise, meditating or something else.

Are you making progress? Or have you ditched them? May be you haven't started any yet.

If you have run into barriers, that’s perfectly normal.

Maybe you've been caught in one of the myths surrounding habit creation.

**before I talk any more about this, I’m going to put in a disclaimer.??If you have an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder or another condition that means general advice on creating habits does not help you, please don’t read.??Advice around creating healthy habits is fraught with difficulties about over generalising and tapping into a diet culture that is very harmful.??

I am sharing my experiences and the evidence around the benefits of awareness and self-acceptance.??I am not offering therapeutic or individual advice.**

There are so many harmful myths around looking after yourself and creating healthy habits, that it’s hard to know where to start with the myth busting.??I’ll give you five.

FIVE MYTH BUSTERS ABOUT CREATING HEALTHY HABITS

• It takes 21 days to make a habit. Nope.

It can take up to a year to create a new habit. Depends on the habit and on your individual circumstances

• You are getting rid of your old habits. Nope

You don’t get rid of old patterns of behaviour, they’re there under the surface. waiting to be reactivated, particularly when you are under stress. What you are doing is creating new habits, with different neural pathways. Over time they will strengthen and become your go to neural track - they will become a stronger habit and pattern of behaviour than your old one.

• You just need more motivation. Nope.

Motivation is not enough to sustain change. It can kickstart momentum and provide you with a part of your reason for change, but it's not the how.

• Failing means you aren't capable of meeting the goal, or you are lacking in motivation. Nope

Failure, or relapse is a normal part of the behaviour change cycle.

• If you tell myself often enough that you can do it you will. Nope.

Positive affirmations can do more harm than good. An affirmation is a statement of truth. If what you are saying out loud does not match how you think or feel about yourself, this can create increased inner turmoil and disconnection from your authentic self, making it harder to create and sustain a new healthy lifestyle.

So if motivation and giving yourself pep talks doesn't work, what does?

Starting from a base of awareness and acceptance. Knowing where you are and what you are currently experiencing allows you to recenter, connect and keep going.

Creating and sustaining a new habit is like driving a car.??

When you drive a car you are drawing on many skills at once; knowing where you want to go, correction of direction for road conditions, unexpected hazards and being alert and mindful of your surroundings.?It always involves an awareness of others and how your interactions impact on each other.

Maybe that’s where you are now, you’re sitting in you car but you’ve forgotten where you’re going. Or you know where you want to go, but the road’s been closed, so it’s time to ask Google Maps to recentre and redirect.?

With the best will in the world, it’s hard looking after yourself, whilst running a family and a small business.

You’re human, things get in the way – circumstances (COVID lockdowns anyone), health conditions, beliefs, urgent and unexpected priorities.??

A couple of years ago I was at a point where I was the unhealthiest I’ve ever been.?At this point I realised that a recentering and redirection was essential if I wanted to improve my health and continue to have a successful private practice.

How do you redirect, get yourself back on track to creating healthy habits??

This is the first step to helping you start and sustain a healthy habit.

Accept yourself for who you are right now.

It takes significant cognitive effort to?sustain an action that is incongruent with your internal and often unconscious self-beliefs.? Becoming aware of this internal dialogue, means you can then practice reducing the negative impact it is having on your wellbeing. Knowing and accepting your thoughts and feelings about yourself can reduce this effort and allow you to access the calm dynamic, enhancing good decision making.??

Knowing and accepting your thoughts and feelings about yourself can reduce this effort and allow you to access the calm dynamic, enhancing good decision making.?

To look a little closer at the impact of self-awareness and acceptance, I’ll share with you an example of how this worked in my life recently.

When I was my most unhealthy I was eating almost no fruit or vegetables and my wellness check-in told me that my body information scanned me as older than my current age, and my clothes did not fit.??Honestly, I was not happy with myself.?I wanted to change. The motivation was there - I wanted to be healthy and fit enough to maintain a successful private practice, I wanted to age with great health, not just limp into it. This direction and motivation was strong, but it wasn't enough.

Reconnecting with myself and what mattered was multi-faceted and took time.??

But like everything it started with awareness.??Part of this was acknowledging that my clothes did not fit and instead of squeezing into them I bought clothes I loved that were in a bigger size.??I acknowledged that I was hating parts of my body, and at the same time acknowledged the truth that my body was doing it’s best. I brought awareness to my thoughts and feelings without judgement and shifted my focus of truth.??

Accepting the parts of you that aren't ideal. Accepting that you are aching because you aren't moving enough. Acknowleding the hard thoughts and feelings. This sounds incredibly challenging, and it can be. But the huge benefit is that it is freeing. Acceptance of yourself reduces the inner turmoil and allows you to access the calm dynamic whereby you can make decisions and act from a space of equanimity. It's incredibly powerful.

Acceptance of yourself reduces the inner turmoil and allows you to access the calm dynamic whereby you can make decisions and act from a space of equanimity.

I share some more of this experience, and how awareness and acceptance are crucial in sustaining healthy habits in an upcoming podcast of Creating Connection. In the meantime I'd love to hear from you about your experience with navigating creating healthy habits and whether you've tapped into the power of awareness and acceptance to make a change.

Chat soon

Kim Ross

Psychologist

Self-care Advocate

Founder of Positive Young Minds

To see how you can work with me or join the Private Practice Sustainability News, for regular updates on self-care and private practice sustainability especially for micro business owners and mental health care practitioners.