How to free yourself from the shackles of insomnia

The celebration of the Yom Tov of Pesach is a culmination of weeks, if not months, of hard work. Jewish women all over the world invest their time in planning, cooking, cleaning, and concerning themselves with the myriad details involved in the preparations. And finally, on leil haseder, the family gets together for a beautiful Seder that carries on well into the night. Factor in the cleanup, and it’s almost morning by the time you can call it a day.

But what happens if—unlike everyone else in the house—you are still not able to fall asleep, again? You pay lip service to cheirus, freedom, but you feel more shackled to your insomnia than ever. You are tired but wired. You watch the clock move to 4, 5, 6, and then 7 AM; soon the baby will wake up. You have no idea, as always, how you’re going to make it through the next day. You’ll paste on a smile for your family and guests, but you feel more broken inside than ever.

You recounted in the Pesach Haggadah how the Yidden cried out to Hashem at the point of total despair in galus Mitzrayim, but at this point in your life, you’re not even sure you have the emotional energy for such a heartfelt tefillah. You feel numb, in a constant fog, enveloped in a cloud of exhaustion. You’ve just about given up hope of ever sleeping well naturally.

If this story sounds all too familiar, I’d like to share that I understand what you’re going through because I went through it myself. My personal struggle with insomnia was the most challenging hurdle I’ve ever experienced. A few nights of stress produced high cortisol levels that threw off my sleep, but when the stress calmed down, I was left with a new monster to face: sleep anxiety.?

How am I going to fall asleep tonight? What will happen if I never fall asleep again??

I’d contracted the disease of insomnia—with no known cure. And to make matters worse, seeking help from well-meaning doctors and therapists got me no solutions and further drilled my inner doubt that this would never be over, that nobody and nothing could cure me.

My passion for helping others achieve healthy sleep was born out of my own inability to do so. Looking back, I see insomnia as the greatest gift and teacher in my life. It forced me to really learn about the inner workings of my body and mind, showing me that all my years of studying neuroscience and psychology at UCLA had not even begun to scratch the surface. It gave me an insight that would eventually transform into my own business and online sleep practice, where I feel blessed to be able to help clients all around the world conquer their sleep issues once and for all.

What would it mean to break free of insomnia and allow you to get your nights and your life back on track? Let me offer some practical suggestions that helped me and can help you too to make this a reality.?

1. Take everything the “sleep experts” say with a pinch of salt. Most sleep professionals I meet never struggled with sleep themselves and are giving advice based upon textbooks and studies. Focusing too much on sleep hygiene or routine without tackling the main issue of anxiety or other underlying causes can just cycle into more bad nights. Advice like sleep deprivation or keeping sleep journals may work for some, but for others it can actually fuel the mind’s obsession with getting a natural night’s sleep. Use your intuition and trust your judgment. There is no one-size-fits-all sleep solution.?
2. Your thoughts are yours to change. After studying psychology for the past twenty years and having dealt with hundreds of clients from around the world, I’ve come to realize that we must take a radical stance on anxiety and other unwanted thoughts. Your mind is in your control. I’ve found that many of the conventional treatment options for anxiety involve coping mechanisms that help people process the anxious thoughts when they appear. While this is helpful, it’s often not enough. Our mind needs direction and structure. We have to rewrite the narrative in the subconscious to effect real change.?
3. Understand the mind-body connection when it comes to sleep. As I tell all my clients, you cannot make yourself go to sleep. In fact, the harder you try, the further you push sleep away. Our job is to create a solid foundation for both body and mind to produce a great night’s sleep naturally. And while the power of the mind is huge and can effect deep change, the best results are achieved when we allow the body to support sleep as well.?
4. Your body is not lacking sleeping pills. Every day I speak to people who are taking over-the-counter or prescription sleep medication. While some of these drugs can help, they are rarely a great long-term solution and come with their own set of side effects, damaging long-term health consequences, and addictive properties. In the world of functional medicine, an emerging frontier in the healthcare industry, the focus is not only on treating the symptoms, but testing and getting to the root cause of why the body is not sleeping well to bring about lasting change.?
5. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. Breathing during sleep is one of the most important factors when it comes to quality restorative rest. Snoring and apnea are incredibly common and underdiagnosed across the board. If your spouse tells you that you sound like a jumbo jet upon take off or you feel like you’re gasping for air, we have a problem. Breathing issues at night cannot be ignored. Whether you go down the traditional path of CPAPs and surgery or the more natural approach of weight loss and breathing restructuring, make sure your O2 is primed all night long.

If there’s one powerful message we can draw from Yetzias Mitzrayim in relation to this issue, it’s this: hope. When it looked like all hope was lost and the Jewish nation was about to be eradicated, that low point turned out to be their source of salvation.?

The leaders of Klal Yisrael refused to bring more children into a cruel, brutal world. But Miriam saw that through the depth of the darkness was the very light at the end of the tunnel. As a young girl, she refused to surrender and continued to hold on to hope when everyone around her had already given up. It was her steadfast dedication to her faith and the ability to change that inspired her own parents and the entire nation to continue their journey—leading to the birth of Moshe Rabbeinu, the redeemer himself.?

To experience your salvation, you must first taste the freedom. You have to realize that your body and mind have the ability to change. I have helped clients in their eighties wean themselves off multiple sleeping pills after decades of use because they believed that they were never too old to change. Envision your goal: to fall asleep naturally and wake up every morning refreshed, with energy. Sleep does not exist in a vacuum. It is the totality of your physical and mental health coming together in harmony. And it is within your reach. So first, ask yourself: Am I ready to break free of my sleeping issues?

Doron Lazarus is a Certified Sleep Science Coach, a Hypnotherapist, and the founder of Executive Sleep Consulting, an online sleep practice dedicated to transforming the sleep of his clients all over the world. He can be reached via email at [email protected] or online at www.executivesleep.org

Originally appeared in Wellspring Magazine?www.wellspringmagazine.com