How to Forgive Someone FOR REAL Without over relying on Quotes?

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been better."

If you think the quote by Oprah Winfrey or quotes by Buddha would help you reach forgiveness; then it's going to be a long long time.

You are going to hurt inside beyond imagination as the bottled up feelings and silent resentment eats you up inside.

The thought that forgiveness is for our liberation and happiness won't work either. Then, what would?

Working with the pain, running with that like an Olympic torch, and finally: Crossing the finish line. Too motivational; Right? Let's see:

So, I was unable to forgive a lot about my past. Parents passing, childhood bullying, feeling like a loser for being an introvert, heartbreaks, loneliness, and more.

Then, one day; I got an appreciation at work. My manager (marketing head) praised me for copywriting and my team building efforts. I felt a little better.

Then, I kept working and wrote more. More appreciation. This time, not just from my leader but:

From within that, I have an identity of my own and despite all what happened; I am taking leaps. The burning sensation of resentment started cooling off.

Next, I started playing Table Tennis at office and the sweat shot therapy made me one with my individuality.

It took me a long time to realize that my individual accomplishments are in my control and if I can take a small step; I would reach forgiveness eventually.

The sense of loss bubbling inside me got taken care of by my gain: MY SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

I found that my self-identity was keeping me prisoner.

I felt somehow, I deserved the wrong for my negative self-image I was living with for years.

I never respected my healing efforts and sabotaged my own mind saying, "I should be forgiving right here and right now in the moment."

Unfortunately, present moment living backfired that time. The more I tried to stay in the present, my mind pulled me back to the haunting past.

I just cursed my mind for things I didn't even do wrong.

Writing became a savior and I became a sailor. My emotional venting became stronger while witnessing growth at the same time. Then one day,

I told my counselor that, "I am suffering for the wrong I haven't done." Her reply stunned me:

"Harsh, that's the point. Why do you want to suffer for the wrong that you haven't done?"

That perspective changed everything or else my mind would have been a broken tape recorder playing the same sad music, all day long.

Yes, I am yet to reach complete forgiveness and remnants remain. But, the intensity has reduced.

Your self-perception and what you think about you after being wronged can be holding you captive too.

Does your mind also say, "I deserved the hurt I got?" If yes, we need a self-image makeover with tiny accomplishments that are JUST AND JUST YOURS.

Chase forgiveness, it won't arrive automatically with time!

#selfimage #mentalhealth #counselingpsychology