How to flip the script of having it all as a woman

The ongoing gender debate and the need to defend women's rights as equal human beings still leaves me stunned.

We continue to judge the kind of human being who can be ambitious and a mother at the same time, the kind of human being who can be a free spirit and a wife at the same time, the kind of human being who can be smart, sassy and savvy and yet not be viewed as arrogant or out of place.

Our world is being disrupted by state of the art AI technology, which will change radically how we live and work together. Yet we are stuck in outdated stereotypical beliefs perpetuated by entities and people that love to divide and rule.

I thought I'd share my two cents on women with ambition and inspire them, you, to flip the script!

Firstly, let me state that I believe wholeheartedly in the empowerment of women collectively. Those who fight for equality and equity. Equity refers to starting on equal footing, whereas equality refers to equal opportunities. There are a number of barriers that women and men face, albeit they are different barriers with different outcomes.

As for the second point, I don't think all the gender gap problems can be attributed to the other gender. I find it frustrating and highly disturbing when we use statistics based on a limited data model that is biased, or our personal experiences to paint men as the problem for women empowerment impediments.

In my opinion, we need to break out of the system that perpetuates these inequalities and unconscious biases against women with ambition, so we can rise to the top without guilt, shame, or burnout. Because of this, I applaud organizations whose mission is to do just that. I applaud female and male role models who break down the inequality gap once and for all.

Okay, enough praise, let me share my personal reflections.

This is how I stopped paying the price for being a woman with ambition who was trying to have it all.

Prioritize mental peace over all else

As part of a recent experiment, I worked with a software company that measures physical stress. I was asked to share the impact of my visualization exercises on people's stress levels before and after. While still in the early stages, it was interesting to see that stress levels can spike even in relaxation mode. It is no secret in science that our thoughts can cause quite a bit of negative emotions, which leads to chronic stress.

While we work on our physical well-being, we don't always know how to work on our mental well-being. It may still feel stigmatized, perhaps meditation has the opposite effect, or perhaps our monkey mind never stops judging others and ourselves.

In my case, as a woman, my cultural heritage, my environment, and my experiences shaped my thinking process. I developed my thinking patterns based on the values I inherited from my parents. As a result, even though I had a high level of ambition and went after my dreams, it was quite stressful as I was always judged. There was a judging voice that created a cognitive dissonance, which implies having two or more opposing beliefs that clash internally and create negative emotions and internal conflict.

With age and experience, I have learned to resolve this internal conflict and maintain my mental peace at all costs. My mental energy is what keeps me healthy in every aspect of my life. At least, I commit to it every day!

Nadja, what is your secret? Please enlighten us!

Limiting beliefs that keep you from reaching your full potential

Life happens for us not to us. You will only drain your mental energy and stay stuck in the past if you live like a victim. To choose your peace of mind over the pain of the past is not an easy process. The fact that I have so many barriers gives me every reason to play the victim card. And yet, I refuse to stay stuck in this mentality as it will keep me below my fullest potential.

The following are six examples of limiting beliefs I developed through external conditioning throughout my life.

#1 - Inferiority Complex

Because of my skin color, I was nicknamed pindakaas, peanut butter. My mental model as a child was one of inferiority because of my race. My self-image became: I am inferior to others.

#2 - Childhood Bullying

When I was in school, no one wanted to play with me because - I quote - I was weird and wore weird clothes. As a result, that became my predominant self-image: I am weird.

#3 - Gender Discrimination

Due to my gender, my status, and my ambition to want more for myself, I was constantly proving myself in a male-dominated security environment. I was told I had potential but needed to work harder to achieve it. My self-image became: I am a workhorse.

#4 - Fixed Mindset

The number of discouraging advice I received when I decided to start my own business was overwhelming. Leaving a safe bubble to face the big bad world on my own was incomprehensible to most people, including my mom! These beliefs formed my self-image: I am not capable of being a successful businesswoman.

#5 - Rejecting Conformity

I was accused of being foolish, of breaking up my family, and of being a terrible mother when I divorced. That became my self-image: I feel ashamed for valuing personal freedom.

#6 - Online Judgements

Since I do my own marketing and branding, I am very active online. I was naive in the beginning, and expected people to encourage me and support me. Instead, I was often made to feel selfish and self-centered by people, even those who were close to me. It shaped my self-image: I should be modest online.

Developing a new and flourishing self-image

Living a life above your potential begins with realizing what needs to be shed. As I showed above, identifying your limiting beliefs gives you a new perspective on developing new ones. A belief based on who you are: a limitless individual with soaring ambitions waiting to be unleashed.

Here is how I shifted my limiting beliefs. I use myself as an example, not because I think I am God's gift to the universe, but because of the need to use empirical data.

#1 - Self-Worth

It doesn't make me a pindakaas, just because a bunch of kids acted out of impulse and ignorance. I love pindakaas,btw! In accepting what has happened, I forgive and release. My skin tone does not define my self-worth, and I will never give anyone else the power over how I feel about myself.

A new self-image: I am the most luxurious and expensive pindakaas you will ever find on the market! And I am not for sale ??.

#2 - Unique & Limitless

A fish will fail miserably if you measure its ability to climb a tree. I grew up in an educational system that was not designed to accommodate different learning styles. It wasn't that I was weird; I just didn't follow the school system's method of teaching. As a result of my weirdness, I have been able to reach places I never imagined.

The new self-image: Humility is the key to standing out as being unique does not make you more special than someone else, it makes you who you are. That's all you need to rise into your personal power.

#3 - I am enough

Working from a place of 'I have to prove myself' will drain your mental, emotional, and physical energy. You are coming from a place of lack, as was I. Switch the script.

Just because I'm alive, I deserve to be here. "I am enough, I don't have to prove myself to anyone.”

When you change this mindset, you will be surprised at how much smarter you will work, not harder.

Self-image shift: I am enough as I am, and I love the opportunity to grow and discover new horizons within myself without shame or guilt.

#4 - Growth Mindset

It is true that I had to learn a thing or two about setting up a business. Maybe a thing or 100 actually. You do not have to know everything, but know where you need to grow and seek assistance.

My biggest obstacle was my inability to believe I was capable of being a successful businesswoman. Fear of the unknown was what perpetuated my limiting self-belief. Once I worked on the belief, joined communities that were business orientated and learned so much more, I now feel capable of running a business. There are still many responsibilities to take care of, and it isn't easy. But I no longer correlate my ability to overcome my challenges with emotions of fear, anxiety or worry.

The new self-image: I tell my judging inner-voice: "thank you for sharing. I am not there yet. I will get there no matter what and you won't stop me."

#5 - Living with Authenticity

If anyone asked me what I would tell my younger self, I would say:

"Please, please, please: Stop letting people's opinions stand in the way of becoming the person you were born to be. Take a deep breath, relax, and just be yourself.”

We all have our own mental models of what life should look like, be like, and how we should behave. When we look at someone else's life, we won't necessarily agree with it.

If we are uncomfortable watching someone live the life we want to live, and we give opinions from a place of envy instead of support, that's not advice but projection. To become unshakeable by people's perceptions of who you should be, you must always remember who you are and connect with your inner truth.

A new self-image: I am not better than anyone, and no one is better than me. I am simply being myself, and others are simply being themselves. Opinions do not reflect my reality.

#6 - Opinions are not reality

During my childhood, my late father told me a simple but powerful story. It was about an elderly man, his son, and a donkey. The elderly man got on the donkey, while his son walked beside him. They passed a group of people who gossiped:

"Look at the strong, fit man who allows the young boy to walk. What kind of father is he?"

He looked at his son and explained they were doing it wrong, so they switched. A few hours later, they passed by a different group of people:

"The boy, who is young and full of vitality, is letting his old man walk. What an ungrateful son, I would never raise my son like that!"

Looking at his son, the man said, "See, we're not doing it right. It would be best if we both got off the donkey and continued on our journey."

Several hours later, they passed by another village, and the people shouted:

"How ignorant are you? You have a donkey, yet you walk so many miles wasting your energy. What's the point of having a donkey!?"

No matter what you do, people will always judge you. Live your life with intention and integrity, don't harm anyone, but honor your dreams, desires and highest potential. The last bit was not my father, but I love to add an inspirational element.

My New Self-Image: I show up as my most authentic self and understand that I am here to teach, not to please.

Here are a few final thoughts to help you rise into your full potential

It is my hope that my reflections will inspire both men and women. However, I wrote it primarily to inspire women to step into their own power and stop playing small because they think they'll fit in.

As a society, we celebrate victimhood and playing small, while we judge those who are brave, bold and unapologetic about who they are. Who stand in their personal power which makes some people feel uncomfortable.

For you to live your fullest potential, you need a thick skin like a crocodile, so people's words and opinions can't penetrate your soul. Never harden your heart, never act out of personal grievance, and never project your pain onto younger women.

Become a role model, show them how to lead with personal power and in service of something greater than themselves.

Make sure they know they are enough by being themselves.

I disciplined my son the other day and he was upset with me. Whenever I do it, it triggers some deeper emotions within him that come out in various and surprising ways. This time, he slides a picture of a boy with a big belly and words (in French):

“I am ugly. I feel fat. I am not good enough."

At this stage in my life, I am so overwhelmed with responsibilities that I have no emotional capacity to feel guilty, ashamed, or make this about me as a parent. I asked him calmly and collectedly to go get his baby picture right away.

I asked him to say the same words to the baby on the picture.

His response was: "Mommy, I can't! It's an innocent baby!”

Why are you talking to yourself like that? There is still a baby inside of you. You are pure and innocent, so don't let anyone enter that space of yours.

I don't want to hear you talk to yourself like that ever again. As we ripped up the paper, we hugged each other with laughter and love. As a result, he went to bed lighter without the burden of his false perception.

The moral of this story is to live life lighter and talk to yourself from a place of innocence, just as when you were born. Start living like you are enough, because you are enough.

This is all I have to say for this week, sorry it's a bit long. I hope you were inspired to be a Woman with Ambition.

Love, Nadja ?? ????