How the Five Whys exercise can help you understand yourself better

Do you ever find yourself stuck in patterns of behaviour you know aren’t helping you, but you can’t seem to break? Whether it’s procrastination, self-sabotage, or repeating the same mistakes, it’s easy to get frustrated when you don’t know why you act a certain way. In this article, I’ll walk you through a simple yet powerful tool called the "Five Whys" exercise - a technique that will help you uncover the deeper reasons behind your actions and behaviours. By the end of this post, you’ll have a new tool in your self-development toolbox to better understand yourself and make lasting changes.

What Is the Five Whys exercise?

The Five Whys exercise is a simple yet insightful technique to help you explore the root cause of any behaviour, problem, or emotion. By asking "why" repeatedly, typically five times, you can peel back the layers of surface-level explanations and dig deeper into what’s really driving your actions. This exercise is great for breaking through mental roadblocks and discovering the underlying thoughts or feelings that keep you stuck.

Why do we get stuck in unhelpful behaviours?

Many of us go through life repeating the same behaviours, even when we know they aren’t helping us. It could be procrastinating, getting overwhelmed easily, avoiding difficult conversations, or not prioritising self-care. Often, we act out of habit or because of underlying fears or beliefs we haven’t fully addressed.

For example, if you’re someone who constantly puts off important tasks, it’s easy to label yourself as "lazy" or "unmotivated." But those labels don’t address the root cause. The Five Whys exercise helps you go beyond those labels to understand the real reasons behind your actions, so you can finally start making meaningful changes.

How to use the Five Whys exercise

Here’s a simple step-by-step guide to using the Five Whys exercise for self-reflection:

1. Identify a behaviour or problem you want to explore: Pick something specific that you find yourself doing repeatedly, even though you know it’s not helpful.

Example: "I keep avoiding difficult conversations with my boss."        

2. Ask the first why: Why are you doing this behaviour? Answer honestly, without judgement.

Why? "Because I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong and get into trouble."        

3. Ask the second why: Take the answer you just gave and ask "why" again.

Why? "Because I worry that if I make a mistake, my boss will think I’m not capable."        

4. Keep asking why (usually up to five times): Continue this process until you get to the root cause. It’s okay if it takes fewer or more than five times - what’s important is getting to the core issue.

Why? "Because I feel like I need to prove myself at work." 
Why? "Because I’ve always felt like I have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously." Why? "Because I’m afraid of being seen as a failure, and I don’t want to disappoint others."        

5. Reflect on your insights: By the end of the exercise, you’ll have a much clearer understanding of the deeper reason behind your behaviour. This awareness is the first step to making real changes.

How the Five Whys can create lasting change

The beauty of the Five Whys is that it helps you uncover the root causes of your actions, many of which may be tied to old beliefs or fears you haven’t fully addressed. Once you identify these core issues, you can start working on them more directly.

For example, in the scenario above, the root cause isn’t just a fear of talking to a boss - it’s a deeper belief about needing to prove yourself and a fear of failure. With this awareness, you can begin to challenge that belief and develop healthier coping strategies, like practicing self-compassion or seeking feedback to grow, rather than avoiding difficult conversations.

Take action: try the Five Whys today

The Five Whys exercise is an easy but powerful tool that anyone can use to understand themselves better. Whether you’re struggling with habits you can’t break or behaviours that are holding you back, this technique will give you the clarity you need to move forward.

If you’re ready to dive deeper and explore other exercises that could benefit your life, I’d love to connect. Reach out, and let’s work together to understand what’s driving your actions and how you can move past it towards a more fulfilling life.