How to find satisfaction in the here and now

Recently, I was at a dinner with several people I work with, and the topic turned to past jobs.

“Oh, you used to work in ‘X’ organization. Did you work with ‘Y’ person?”

“What was the best part of that job?”

“Oh, how long did you work there?”

 And then I got this question, “Do you miss that job?” to which I simply answered, “No, I don’t.”

At this point, I immediately realized 2 things: first, that I had broken one of my own cardinal rules (never lead with “no”—you can read that article here) and second, that based on my friend’s facial expression, I had inadvertently given the wrong impression about my feelings about that job (which is, again, why I should never lead with “no”).

I clarified that I had loved that job. I was proud of the work we had done, what we had accomplished, what I had learned in the role, and most importantly, the people I had worked with. For me, that was different from missing that job, which I associate with yearning for something that has passed or wanting to go back to a specific moment in time.

Think of it this way—everything we’ve experienced has shaped us into who we are today. You wouldn’t have the skills you have now without those experiences, and you wouldn’t have learned from successes and failures without going through them. Today, you have the opportunity to apply everything you’ve learned to what’s in front of you, as well as the challenges that lie ahead. Personally, I love that—the past is the past—it has led us to who we are today and allows us to determine and shape our future. So here are my tips on how to help feel fulfilled on your professional journey.

Be mindful of the past without getting lost in it

So how does all of this relate to satisfaction or fulfillment? We are physically wired to think about or dwell on stressful or negative events more than positive ones, but you can make the choice to acknowledge that and move on. Some of the people I respect the most actively talk about how they’ve taken the negative events in their lives and turned them into gratefulness for what they’ve learned. Some talk about how much stronger those experiences have made them. They’ve shaped a negative past into a positive present.

Another way to discover satisfaction through past mistakes is to embrace them, even celebrate them. Mistakes are really trendy right now! I’m joking, but it’s true—failures and mistakes are a hot topic. Many of the business leaders we admire the most have incredible stories of epic failures and how they turned things around. Kathryn Schulz is the foremost author on this subject, and I highly recommend you check out her TED Talk or her book called “Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error.” If you can’t get enough of hearing about other people’s mistakes, you might also like this playlist of TED Talks on learning from mistakes!

Stay immersed in the here and now

Most people agree that it’s hard to move forward when you dwell on the past, but living in the moment truly affects how fulfilled you feel as well. Scientifically, humans are happier when living in the present or planning for the future. Benefits of present mindfulness include body awareness, self-awareness, regulation of emotion, and regulation of attention. Here’s an interesting Forbes article that brings this concept to life. It cites a study by Massachusetts General Hospital which reported a greater reduction in anxiety among participants who attended a mindfulness-based stress reduction program over those who simply received basic stress management education.

Another thought: Perhaps this is less scientific, but something I fully believe in is that we can be encouraged by the opportunities available to us today that didn’t exist in the past. Think about how much easier it is to get things done, research, switch gears, self-publish, and mobilize people with the technology we have at our fingertips. It’s a wonderful idea to think that with some creativity, anyone can make big things happen. It makes me happy, in fact.

To be clear, there’s a place for the past in our thinking, especially in remembering the people who have impacted us along the way. I place tremendous value on the people I’ve met along my journey, and I carry those friendships with me to this day. And like I said, experiences, positive and negative, are incredibly valuable and (quite literally) are the building blocks that have made us who we are today. I, for one, know that every moment of my life has shaped who I am today, and I wouldn’t change any of it—the good, the bad, the easy, or the hard. We can’t control everything that happens around us, but what we can control is how we use it.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Are you content and optimistic, despite the challenges of the past? Are you living in the moment? Or could you use more discussion to help you get there? Let me know.