How to Find a Mentor and Tap into Something Bigger

There are few tougher moments in our working lives than having to say goodbye to a trusted leader and mentor. When the relationship is good, these are the people who help inform us, guide us, make us better than we were before we met them.

And when they move on to pursue their own opportunities, it can be tough. That was certainly how I felt when my boss and mentor, Christoph Niebel, left his role as LHH’s Chief Sales Officer to take over as President at Pontoon, a sister company within the Adecco Group family.

I worked for Christoph for more than five years and during that time, he never failed to make me stronger, better and more confident. He always encouraged me to be myself when talking with clients and encouraged me to take chances to advance our business plan. “There is nothing you can do or break that we can’t fix together,” he told me often. He also shared in my drive to improve, I recall my first interview with him and on his screen was a sticky note that read “Better Never Stops.”

If there is any comfort in Christoph’s departure, it is that I’m sure I will find another mentor to help me continue to grow and succeed in my career endeavors. I know that because I have always had mentors in my life. And it hasn’t been by chance; I’ve intentionally sought them out. 

My earliest memories of seeking mentors started as early as the 6th grade. I grew up in a family of very modest means in Greenwich, Conn. From a very early age, I was very aware that while there were a lot of people dealing with hardship, there was also a lot of wealth in my town. I made myself a promise very early in life that I was going to work hard and build a better life.

My parents certainly taught me the meaning of hard work. But I took every opportunity to ask successful people how they earned their success. I had multiple part-time jobs all the way from middle school through high school, and never missed an opportunity to ask my bosses for insight into how and why they did what they did.

I also asked the parents of friends who came from wealthier families for their insights. While other kids were in the pool, I was asking what I had to do so that one day, I could have a pool of my own. It seemed so obvious to me that people who had enjoyed success would be a font of valuable information on how to build my own success.

Working hard and learning as much as I could from successful people along the way, I ultimately became the first person in my family to attend and graduate from college. And throughout my business career, I have never stopped seeking out mentors to help me reach the next level of success. 

That’s a really important but often misunderstood aspect of the mentor-mentee dynamic: you have to be willing to ask for help from a mentor.

I have met many people who think that mentorship is something that has to be offered to you. My own experience is that if you ask someone to help guide your career, they are more than willing to help. In fact, they will be flattered that you asked.  

The reality is that unless they are assigned a mentor as part of an onboarding or high-potential program, most people are afraid to ask someone to mentor them. And that means many people go without the invaluable input that a mentor can provide. Without a mentor, you are flying blind in your career, unsure of how people see your work and what you need to do to scale the ladder of success.

It should be noted, however, that a good mentor is not just a source of advice or guidance. In fact, mentorship is about a lot more than just good advice. A good mentor listens, is interested in hearing your ideas, and willing to let you struggle to find your own solutions.

Early in my career, I was assigned a mentor who was always telling me what to do and what not to do. He was very quick to tell me anytime he thought I was doing something wrong. There was no positive feedback, no opportunity for me to ask questions or bring up my own ideas. This man was like the basketball coach who, after a game, only wants to talk about the one shot you missed while ignoring all the shots you made during the game.

Christoph has moved on to bigger and better things and while that has left a hole in my working life, I am quite optimistic and confident about two things that I know will happen.

First, I will find another mentor. In fact, I already have people in my life who can provide to me the same support that I received from Christoph.

And second, as I continue in my business career, I’m ready and willing to be a mentor to some future colleague. All they have to do is ask.

Beyond Christoph, a quick thank you to some of the other mentors I’ve had along the way: Keith Ferrazzi, JP Kelly, Darren Reinke, Kevin Gagan and Marshall Goldsmith.