How to Find a Mentor

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In the last posts, we uncovered why we need a mentor and a coach, what the differences and similarities between the two are, and why you need both.

Hopefully, you are convinced, and now it’s time to focus on how to find a mentor—not just any mentor, but a great mentor for you. While there are many ways to find one, I am sharing my process that has worked for me.

Let's refresh why we need to find a mentor.

Tl;dr: Mentors are like teachers. They provide tactical and practical advice that helps overcome immediate blockers to our growth. This allows us to grow faster as we don’t have to figure out everything by ourselves.

Finding a mentor can seem like a daunting task, but it isn’t. Here is my simple three-step process, and you can do step one right now.

1. Prepare for mentor search
2. Search for a mentor
3. When you find a (potential) mentor

The above framework for finding a mentor is very similar to finding information on the Internet: identify what information you seek, know where to find that information, and engage with that information once found to satisfy your curiosity.

The reason I say this process is similar and not the same is because, unlike an online search, step two and step three require you to talk to actual humans. If human interaction gives you pause, don’t worry; we will go over how to do that as well.

Step 1: Preparing for Mentor Search

Most mentees who seek a mentor don’t know what they want from their mentor. This requires identifying and creating a short-term goal. More on goal setting in a separate post.

If you don’t know what you want, how can anyone help you get it?

Going back to the example of searching for information online: if you don’t know what you are looking for, you will open the browser and stare at the cursor before closing the browser window.

So the first thing to identify is what is your short-term goal that a mentor can help you with. The more specific, the better.

If you work in tech (or corporate) and do not have a goal in mind, take a look at the following short-term goals that mentees (including me) in corporate often seek:

• Grow in their current career to the next level or get a promotion
• Change from current career to a new career function (like engineer to product)
• Understand how to manage certain situations in their organization or with their leadership
• Learn how to navigate their current career or organization
• Learn how to enjoy their current role more
• Learn how to navigate a new big challenge
• Learn how to communicate with leadership/organizations
• Brainstorm how to engage with team members without getting their manager involved
• Brainstorm how to approach new opportunities within the organization
• Brainstorm ideas with someone who has organizational context but is not biased by the mentee's current organization

One thing that you will notice is that all of the things above are very tactical and can be achieved in short term. And as discussed in our previous posts, mentors are great for tactical help as they can unblock us and help us accomplish things in our near future.

Why do we believe mentors can do that for us?

Because they themselves have personally experienced and have gone through similar situations.

What if I don’t have a short-term goal?

If one of the above short-term goals does not resonate with you, here is a quick hack to create one.

Complete this sentence with as specific details as possible:

"I want to (learn/understand/brainstorm/seek advice) on how to _______ so I can do/get/become ____________."

For example, "I want to seek advice on how to change my career from engineering so I can become a product manager within this organization."

Do I really need to have a short-term goal?

In general, yes, and when seeking mentorship, definitely yes. Identifying the right goal helps identify the right mentor.

Preparing to search for a mentor is the most critical step. It’s also the hardest step for most mentees because they lack goal. As a result, the default choice they make is to NOT seek out a mentor.

DON’T MAKE THAT STUPID MISTAKE. YES, IT’S A STUPID MISTAKE.        

If you don’t know what you seek, pick the thing you like the best from the above list. But do seek mentorship.

If you still can’t come up with a short-term goal, you need to find a coach. More on that in a separate post.

Step 2: Searching for a Mentor

Assuming you haven’t stopped reading the post, let's identify where you can find a mentor. Considering we are talking about professional growth and need tactical advice, a good mentor is someone:

• Who currently works within your organization or company. Why? Because they can give you tactical advice that is applicable in your company.
• Who has been in your organization for more than two years. Why? Because they have navigated the situation in your organization.
• Who is one (minimum) to three (maximum) levels senior and two to four years more experienced than you. Why? Because they can speak from their experience.
• Who is outside of your current team/organization vertical. Why? Because they won’t have any bias or hidden agendas that may taint their advice.
• Whom you admire (most important) ? Why? Because if you hate them or don’t feel inspired by them, accepting and trying their advice is going to become hard.

In some companies, this is easy to do as they have internal mentorship programs, but most companies don’t. If yours does, then sign up right away. If yours doesn’t, then here are the steps to find them, but do consider setting up a mentorship program for your organization.

Step 2.1: Making a List of Potential Mentors

First, we want to start by making a list of people who we think could be great mentors for us. Here’s how to make that list:

• Add folks who you think could be good mentors.
• Talk to trusted colleagues and your current/previous manager (based on the case) about who they think/know could be a good mentor. Ideally, someone who has been through the same situation you are encountering.
• As you attend company-wide town-halls/all-hands/meetings, keep tabs on which individuals stand out in terms of their thinking, experience, communication, or level.

Why make a list of potential mentors when you only need one?

• The mentor you want may have many mentees that they are currently mentoring. They may not have the bandwidth to take on additional mentorship commitments.
• Mentorship is work, and mentors are employees too who have their own work commitments. So a potential mentor may be focusing on other aspects of their own role and may not have the bandwidth to provide mentorship.
• The mentor you identify may not be a good match (more on this in step three).
• You may want to have different mentors for different areas on which you are seeking advice. Having a list of different mentors for different roles helps.

Once you have the list (2-5+ names) of potential mentors, we are ready for the next step.

Step 3: When You Find a (Potential) Mentor

It’s time to reach out to mentors. Here are a few things to keep in mind when reaching out:

• The process does not have to be formal, and no introductions are needed. Reach out over Slack, email, or text and introduce yourself. This will seem like the hardest thing to do, but do it. (This is the second place where most mentees take no action and stop the process. DON’T MAKE THAT STUPID MISTAKE.)
• When reaching out, be polite, be precise, and be clear. Do the following things when reaching out:
• Don’t reach out to all mentors at once. Sort the list by most admired/fit mentor. Start with your top choice, and if a mentorship relationship doesn’t cultivate with them, then move on to the next mentor.
• Repeat the above steps until someone agrees to the first intro meeting. If you run out of the mentor list, re-create the list with new mentors.

Step 3.1: How to Run the First Introduction Meeting with a Potential Mentor

The first meeting is not about getting advice. The first meeting is about exploration, setting boundaries for your mentoring relationship, and understanding if this mentorship relationship is a good fit for both. Here’s why it's important:

• If a mentor is from outside your organization vertical, they don’t have full context of the mentee's situation. Expecting or giving any advice without fully understanding the problem is not ideal.
• Assuming there is no past relationship, mentor and mentee have to get comfortable sharing information. This is almost like the first interview or first date. You need to learn about each other before diving into deeper conversations. Use the first meeting to get to know each other. Do this by sharing your background, current role, etc., just like how you’d do it in an interview or a date.
• Share at a high level where you need the mentor's advice. For example, share that you are looking to switch roles, and as they have done so in the past, you are looking for their guidance through the process as someone who you can partner with to brainstorm ideas and get unblocked. While you will make your own mistakes, you are looking for common pitfalls to avoid and to make the role change in a way that doesn’t burn bridges. And if possible, their advice on how to be successful in the new role and, if any, resources they can share so you can start preparing for the transition.
• If you like the conversation, set expectations on how you plan to build this relationship. Here are some good ground rules to start with, but update and modify them as needed.

And that’s it. That’s the whole process that has taken me 5+ years to iterate over 10+ years of practice.

If you are interested in learning further about how to do second meetings and beyond, what to do when the mentorship stretch is over, and what to do if the problem you seek mentorship on is addressed, please leave a topic in the comments. These are nuanced topics, and if there is enough interest, I will explain them.

Summary

The above process will be different for everyone and requires stepping way outside our comfort zone. It requires a lot of human interaction, being vulnerable, opening up to someone, and asking for help. It’s really challenging for everyone, and it was (still is) for me. But growth lies outside our comfort zone.

Trust me and give this process a try. I know it's overwhelming, and only 1% of folks reading this will complete the process. Those 1% will achieve their goals and will become a mentor to someone someday.

For those 99% of people reading this and feeling scared to join the 1%, share what's blocking you. Maybe I can help.

If you know someone who will benefit from getting a mentor, please share this post with them.

If you like this post, you may find the following posts helpful:

• Why you need a mentor?
• Why you need a coach?
• Difference between a mentor and a coach? And why you need both
• 10 mistakes that first-time mentees make during their mentorship