How to find INNER PEACE, my journey

Every day I wake up in the morning I am thankful because I am still breathing, so there is hope to save whatever is going down and improve whatever needs to be improved, in myself, in my relations, and for the collective society.

It is not easy, going through life sometimes, but I try to reflect and be thankful for whatever I have, wherever I stand and hold on to my beliefs and values.

I went through a tough time many years ago when my grandmother was still alive, and she just looked me in the eyes and said something like this:

"My son, I am soon dead, how I wished I could be you at this moment, that has all the future ahead, despite your current unpleasant period. You are still breathing so battle it out, my son, I believe in you."

I hated myself for many years, and I cursed god as a child countless times.

Why did my father abandon us for his politics?

Why did my mother pass away when my sisters and I needed her the most?

Why did I attract bullies that made my life a living hell sometimes?

Why did I burnout when I was on top?

I will admit it; I wished some times my life was over.

But in between, I found moments of light, usually encouraged by people that cared for me, that inspired and motivated me to see hope in life. The love from my grandmother, my sisters, and my closest friends. But also other Entrepreneurs and especially my life coach Tomas Strand, that guided me back from the burnout.

Even if people considered me as a super social, passionate person with a big future ahead, inside, there was mostly self-hate. The burnout was my turning point some ten years ago. I felt almost newborn when the final anxiety left, and I started to search for inner peace. I tried everything from CBT, Mindfulness, talk therapy, to speaking to a large number of people with a similar life journey, that had found their inner peace.

I met a life coach that made me make a list of the things that were important for me, for example, people, things, work, and so on. In the second session, he told me to tell him about each mention in the list, what it gave back to me, how it made me feel inside. I had to remake the list after that. I learned to appreciate what really fulfilled me inside and give my time to the ones that really empowered and supported me at all times.

One person that stood out most of all was the fantastic Andries J. Kroese - Professor of Vascular Surgery, that was one of the persons that early on introduced mindfulness in Norway. He was a child survivor of a Japanese concentration camp, where the soldiers punished the mothers in front of their children when a child misbehaved. You can only imagine the traumas he endured to start his journey to find inner peace.

On a break, no one was talking to him, so I approached him, and he said something like this:

Eduardo, you should really go into mindfulness, because it works best on intelligent open-minded people, and you really appear to be one.

His persona, his teaching, his story was so amazing, I found hope that I too could close the final chapters that haunted my dreams sometimes. I attended his weekend course some five years ago. By then, I had already come to peace with a lot of things, and I had stopped drinking and was going to become a father to Nicolas. He actually came too early, I had never been so afraid in my life, he came out, and he was so little, I could almost hold him with one hand. He was all silent while coming out, like almost lifeless, and when he screamed out for the first time in his little existence:

I cried with joy, and I was fully thankful for life for the first time in my life. I promised myself that I would become the father I always wished I had.

Meditation, reflection, and getting in touch with my inner self, made me start to change, and I decide to write down everything I have experienced in my life, good or bad. I went to visit my father in Sweden for some days, and in just a few days, I had written more than 300 pages, and I felt a relief I never felt before.

Forgiving myself for all wrongs in life and forgiving the ones that done me wrong, I knew was going to be hard. But I understood that it was the only way to fully heal. Changing my life was not that hard, I had the will, I was so tired of the guilt, the anxiety, the inner low esteem with my happy shallow outer. Many tears and sleepless nights, especially coming to terms with the death of my mother.

On the contrary, forgiving the ones that do me wrong became actually the easiest to forgive because they formed the strong loving man, I am today, that take a stand when others do wrong around me.

Having a second child, became almost one of the worst days in my life, we first almost lost Isabel, she got stuck and everyone just panicked. She finally came out and the only unconditional loving mother my children would ever have, did not stop bleeding, I was holding my daughter and at the same time watching her mother's life pass away in front of my eyes. I tried hard not to cry while I constantly asked the doctor to please save her. They finally managed to stop her bleeding, she had almost lost all her color, but she had survived.

This was the second time that I experienced full gratitude for life. I promised myself that I would do what I ever it takes to let my heart be mostly filled with self-love, now I had two children that needed a father that could empower them everything I did not get growing up.

My latest drastic change came not a long time ago when I also started to take care of my body. I had some issues with health continually coming and going, with low D vitamin levels each winter. So I decided to start to eat healthily, remove almost all prefabricated food. I have lost nearly 14 kg, and I feel more in touch with myself than ever before.

I want to keep living self-loving, mindful, thankful, healthier for the rest of my life now.

Conclusion

• We all suffer in life, some more than others. Never let the negative turn your heart into self-hate. And if it has, you can always turn it back to self-love again, as long as you are still breathing.
• Appreciate and show love to the ones that really matter in your life, you never know when they are gone. I would offer anything I could if my mother and grandmother could for one hour see my children.
• It is never too late to say sorry if you have done wrong and forgive the ones you need to. Be honest and speak from your heart, people are more forgiving than you can imagine.
• You need to reach a turning point, where you decide that from here on, I will do whatever it takes, to get my peace of mind, even if I have to change my current lifestyle upside down.
• Feed your inner self, more than your outer self, or you will maybe reach a successful but shallow life.
• Use coaches, mentors, friends to ease some of your burdens that haunt your dreams.
• Take care of your body and brain, sleeping, training, healthy eating, and living.
• Avoid energy drainers, like negative people and environments. Surround yourself with people that empower instead of pulling you down.
• Try to take some time to write down your life to know, and I can promise it is a very releasing thing to do even if you will cry during the process.
• Encourage others as much as you can, say thank you more than once, empower light and life joy in your children and loved ones.
• You are not alone, I have talked with top CEOs to unemployed people, that have told me their depressions, burnouts, failures, and so on. We are only humans, and if we don't talk about it, the more will suffer in silence, instead of reaching out.

I wish you the best in life, and if you are suffering at this moment, or know someone close to burnout, reach out to me or others, we are many here online that have the experience, have survived, succeeded, and finally found our inner peace.

"You are still breathing so battle it out, my son, I believe in you" - Rest in peace: Delia Ibacache Silva, my beloved grandmother.

More of my posts on these topics

Yours truly

Eduardo Ibacache Rodriguez

Oslo, Norway, 2019-08-28