How NOT to fill out your bracket...
One of the most educational points in the annual sporting calendar is upon us. Time once again for the bracketologist in most of us to rise in Mensa rankings by familiarizing their ownselves with geographical and mascot knowledge of the 68 NCAA tournament teams. Where is Iona, for instance? What’s a Catamount? Who was Gardner? Or, for that matter, Webb?
Our man breaks down the opening round of the tournament based on obscure university origins and their lesser known mascots. Tarheels and Wolverines are unique monikers for blue-blood basketball schools, seldom used for teams outside of North Carolina and Michigan save for little league squads coached by dads who went to college in Chapel Hill or Ann Arbor. Some weighting will be given to how fun the following round match-ups might be, with complete disregard for the talent that teams actually possess. This ain’t about which team is better, it’s about which teams are better named.
Starting Tuesday in the East Bracket’s play-in game, look for the Bison of North Dakota State to best the Eagles of North Carolina Central, the MEAC champion who earned an automatic bid. While this is the third season in a row for the LeVelle Moton-coached Eagles to make the NCAA Tournament, no Eagle can compete a Bison. Especially considering that most people don’t even pronounce “Bison” with the preferred “Z” in place of the “s,” as in “BI-zun.” Ask anyone from Fargo or thereabouts for proper phonetics. The Bison won’t last vs. the Blue Devils from Duke, but it’s a nice opportunity for the green and gold to compete for a championship outside of Frisco, Texas.
From the Commonwealth of Virginia, the eighth-seeded Rams of VCU will knock off the Knights of UCF in an easy battle of acronymed universities. And, in the always-entertaining 12 vs. 5-seed match-up, the more creatively-named Flames of Liberty scorch the Bulldogs of Mississippi State. This should lead to a fantastic Virginia-themed Round Two, where about 100 miles separate VCU in Richmond and Liberty in Lynchburg. And, speaking of Virginia, the Hokies from Virginia Tech don’t stand a chance against the Billikens of Saint Louis University as far as mascots go. Any tubby, naked, smiling imp should go far in life, as well as a basketball tournament.
Where is Belmont? Glad you asked. It’s in Nashville, and the Bruins win the play-in game in a close one over the Owls of Temple. Weighting in this match-up goes heavier for the obscure Ohio Valley school fighting for its own identity in a town that enrolls students at Vanderbilt and Lipscomb. They play Maryland close in a game that demands the Terrapins stick their neck out to win at the wire.
Yale beat Harvard in the Ivy League to win the tournament berth, and it was the 21st win for the Bulldogs this season. “Bow, wow, wow,” as lyrics to one of four Yale fight songs go, and they triumph over the Tigers of LSU, who are happy to be here, but are really just waiting for a return trip to Omaha and the College World Series. Give us the Gophers of Minnesota over the Cardinals of Louisville, especially in this Pitino grudge match. But the real thriller comes when Bradley University smacks Sparty in a monumental upset. Monumental, of course, because Bradley’s mascot is a gargoyle named Kaboom! Nobody even knows where Bradley University is, so insofar as this bracket is concerned, they carry a real one-two punch into the tournament.
In the west bracket, the Bulldogs of Gonzaga, the third Bulldog featured in the tournament, will take on the Knights of Fairleigh Dickinson. These Knights should do better than the UCF mascot of golden hue and tame the Panthers of Prairie View A&M. Author prejudice won’t allow the green and gold of Baylor to advance, but how could they against Otto the Orangemen? Give the edge to the secondary color, not the odd Crayola 64 combination. Look for Coach Boeheim’s squad to move easily past the Bears of Waco.
A real toss-up in the 12 vs. 5-seed comes with Murray State and Marquette, but since there’s no state actually named Murray, and their mascot is the Racers, the edge has to go to the Ohio Valley Champs. Sorry, Marquette. We'll enjoy your presence in "Tommy Boy" repeats.
Some years ago, Vermont captured everyone’s attention by causing them to ask “What the hell is a catamount?” It wouldn’t have mattered if they hadn’t have beaten Syracuse in a mammoth upset in 2005, but the frisky felines are back representing the America East Conference. A catamount, to help you navigate the office pool, is kin to the lynx, or the cougar, but not the hot, single mom.
The University at Buffalo will take on the winner of the All-Star Coach play-in game, when St. John’s Red Storm, coached by Chris Mullin, takes on the Sun Devils of Arizona State, coached by Bobby Hurley. Mullin achieved more in the NBA, and has a cooler unique mascot. Look for them to upset the Bulls of Buffalo as well.
Northern Kentucky University is about as far from Nordic origins as one can get, so – for the sake of irony – look for the NKU Norse to slay the Red Raiders of Texas Tech in the opening round based on the mascot name alone. The Gators and Wolverines are no match in terms of nomenclature compared to the Wolfpack and the Grizzlies, so look for Nevada and Montana to take out the likes of storied basketball programs Florida and Michigan.
Yet another Bulldog takes a bite out of the competition when the Runnin’ Bulldogs of Gardner-Webb University oust the Cavaliers of Virginia, the fourth school from the Commonwealth state, and the top seed in the South. Where, exactly, is Gardner-Webb University? Glad you asked. It’s in Boiling Springs, North Carolina. You’ll have to google that.
No real excitement in the South until the Anteaters of Cal-Irvine snuff out the Wildcats of Kansas State, not long after the Ole Miss Rebels and Sooners of Oklahoma play, and the Badgers and Ducks face off in a battle of wildlife supremacy. And, the first of two Gaels play in this year’s tournament, when St. Mary’s takes on defending champ Villanova. Any chance ‘Nova had to repeat went out the window when they drew a team as nondescript as a Gael, as nobody knows what a Gael is. One and done, ‘Nova.
The state of Virginia, known as the Old Dominion, fields its fifth team when Old Dominion University tips off against the Purdue University Boiler Makers. A few pundits like Purdue to go far in the tournament, but facing a school that shares a name with a country band from the state of Virginia, whose mascot is the Monarchs, has to give this one to the Conference USA Champions.
Tennessee, the second orange-clad UT team that Rick Barnes has coached for, can’t hold a candle to the Raiders from Colgate. Colgate recently received a perfect sustainability score from Princeton Review, generating all of its energy from renewables and off of the electricity produced from Niagara Falls. So score one for the greens at Colgate as they take down the Volunteers.
Nobody cares about Cincinnati and Iowa in the South. They may as well not even play.
Moving to the Midwest, the second Gaels squad, this one from Iona in New Rochelle, New York, should have no problem with the Heels of Tar from North Carolina. And, with any luck, the Aggies of Utah State will take out the Huskies of Washington, and then the Gaels of Iona so that they can have an Aggie-on-Aggie matchup vs. New Mexico State. Whither to, Texas A&M? The Las Cruces ballers will have to beat Auburn and a Huskies squad of their own in Northeastern, who should handle the Jayhawks considering Northeastern is so unidentifiably-named that no basketball fan is confident in its precise location. Like the ambiguously-named Patriots of New England, the Huskies of Northeastern hail out of the general Boston area.
Aside from the upstart Wildcats of Abilene Christian in the Midwest, who take on their own Wildcats of Kentucky, the rest of the bracket leaves little of note. The lone exception, of course, is Wofford, the school from Spartanburg, South Carolina. Look for the Terriers to nip at the heels of Seton Hall and then one of the two Wildcats from either Lexington, Kentucky of Abilene, Texas.
Sweet Sixteen action, as far as schools of obscurity and oddly selected mascots, typically presents with fewer fun options. Perhaps this year may be different. Too bad the Horned Frogs will not be present to add to the mascot fun. TCU will host Sam Houston State in the first round of the NIT, but – for additional mascot fun – tune in to the Collegeinsider.com Postseason Tournament where the Presbyterian College Blue Hose will make their first post season appearance in college history.