How To Figure Out What You Want To Do When You Grow Up

When I was 18 and going to Rutgers for my first (and final) year, there was this girl I really liked. Her name was Awinna.

(You're reading the right newsletter. This story has a point. Just read along.)

I wanted to find any way to get close to Awinna. One day, I noticed her running by herself. It must have been 90 degrees outside, and I didn't see her again for a long time. When I asked her about it later, she said that she ran cross country in high school, but couldn't run at the collegiate level because of her lower back. She loved running. I offered to run with her the next day. She said yes!

I didn't bother asking how long she ran. Figured that she ran 2-3 miles, and I could handle that. 10 minutes went by, then 20, then 25. I asked through heavy breath how long she usually runs. She said 7 miles! I eventually finished the run. I could barely breathe afterwards. Thought "runner's high" was a myth. But I agree to run with her again the next day.

That next day turned into six weeks of running 7 miles every single day with Awinna. We bonded over it.

I learned to love running. I started asking about technique, watching Olympic runs, reading running magazines, everything. In time, I had to slow down for her to catch with me. I even considered running cross country for Rutgers! My times were almost good enough for it!

One afternoon, before our normal run, Awinna calls me. She tells me that she's dating another guy. Running side by side with another half naked guy was a bad look. I can't run with her anymore.

The day after was a perfect running day. Late October, sunny, 65 degrees with a breeze. But running 7 miles suddenly felt like a long way. I took that day off. Figured I was due for an off day and I would make up for it tomorrow.

I didn't run 7 miles that next day. Or any day since, 18 years later.

It took a long time to figure out why I stopped distance running when I took all of this time to get good at it. I thought I loved it.

I finally figured it out.

I never really wanted to run. I wanted to date Awinna, and I thought running was the best way to do that. Running was merely the tool I used to get closer to what I actually wanted.

And that's the point of this story. It's important to figure out what you really want to do for your next career.

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A lot of post-military roles are steered towards project management, operations management, human resources, etc. The common thread is that they're roles that we're used to doing in the military. And it's a seductive offer! The skills are easily transferable on a resume and everyone is hiring for them.

Keep in mind, these are valuable and important roles. They can also pay handsomely.

But do you have a passion for those roles? Or are they tools for your true goal of a soft landing post-separation?

Are you actively going to project management conferences? Would you manage projects for free? Do you casually read about project management in your spare time? Have you failed in project management and ran back in for more punishment?

If so, congrats! Go full throttle towards that role (and make sure you network well and get feedback on your resume).

If that doesn't sound like you, however, consider the following route.

What would you actually do for free? What are your unfair advantages? Do you write well? Are you a natural charmer? Do people comment on how organized you are? Do you feel the need to help everyone you see struggling with something?

Those answers will be different for everyone reading this, and it's research that I cannot do for you. But honestly assess them. Then look for roles that play to your strengths and passions.

Will you have specific skill gaps for those roles? Probably! But you can learn those skills. And here's the thing: you don't need to be world class at those skills. You only need to be good enough at them while pushing your natural unfair advantages.

You follow those steps, and your chances of finding fulfillment and success in your next life get way better.

If that doesn't work? You can always be a project manager. Those jobs aren't going anywhere.

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