How Feeling Types become wired to create anxiety when the Feeling Function is overused.

Do you ever feel trapped in a cycle of seeking approval and reassurance yet still find yourself questioning your worth in your relationships? Maybe you replay conversations endlessly, second-guess your words, or worry obsessively about whether you’ve done enough to keep someone else happy. Perhaps you’ve even caught yourself wondering why you’re so quick to blame yourself for others’ dissatisfaction, convinced that you’re somehow responsible for their unhappiness.

If this resonates with you, it’s a common experience tied to anxious attachment—a self-protective relationship pattern that drains your emotional energy and keeps you hyper-focused on others’ needs, moods, and happiness, often at the expense of your own well-being.

While many factors contribute, I’ve come to see how deeply our attachment style is connected to the brain’s functional preferences, as described in Jung’s Psychological Type Theory, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), and the Striving Styles Personality System (SSPS). Each of the brain’s four cognitive functions plays a role in shaping attachment styles, but in the case of anxious attachment, the Feeling Function takes center stage. The way we make decisions, seek harmony, and prioritize relationships through the Feeling Function can reinforce self-protective behaviors and the fear of rejection that define this attachment style.

In this article, I’ll explore the connection between the Feeling Function and anxious attachment—and share how understanding this relationship can empower us to break free from these patterns and build healthier, more secure connections.

What Is Anxious Attachment?

Anxious attachment is an emotional pattern that stems from inconsistent caregiving in childhood. When caregivers are sometimes emotionally present and nurturing but other times distant or unavailable, a child learns to crave connection while fearing it could vanish. This leads to behaviors like overthinking, clinging, or constantly seeking reassurance in relationships.

In adulthood, these patterns play out in how we interpret and respond to relationship dynamics. At the heart of this dynamic lies how we process and prioritize emotional information—which is where Jung’s Feeling Function comes in.

What Is the Feeling Function in Jungian Theory?

According to Carl Jung, the Feeling Function is one of the two primary ways people make decisions and judge the world. In Jungian and MBTI terms, Feeling (F) is about making decisions based on personal values, the maintenance of harmony, and the impact on others. The feeling function is not about emotions or felt experiences, it’s about “judging” the relative value of something and sorting into good/bad, like/dislike and other dichotomies. It compares and decides one’s own value based on how they measure up to others’ expectations or other’s achievements, looks, etc.? It continuously asks the question, “How am I doing relative to others?”

For individuals who prefer making decisions using their Feeling function, harmony, empathy, and interpersonal connection are top priorities. Their emotional well-being is closely tied to the “emotional temperature” of their relationships, as they often align their emotional state with those around them to maintain harmony.

However, when the Feeling Function is overactive or strained because of an anxious attachment style—it heightens self-judgment and drives constant comparisons. This response serves as a protective mechanism, attempting to shield against perceived threats of rejection, disconnection, or abandonment, but it often reinforces feelings of insecurity and judgments about how they are “not good enough” instead.

With an anxious attachment, the Feeling Function becomes overly focused on external validation and self-judgment, constantly asking questions like:

• “Do they like me?”
• “Am I measuring up?”
• “I’m not smart enough to be in this conversation. Why am I even here?”

The Feeling Function and Anxious Attachment

In anxious attachment, the Feeling Function plays a significant role by heightening sensitivity to relational dynamics. Here’s how:

1. Hypervigilance to Emotional Signals

Feeling-preferenced individuals often excel at reading emotions and picking up subtle cues in others. In anxious attachment, this strength can turn into hypervigilance. You might overanalyze a neutral comment or a delayed text, interpreting it as a sign that someone is upset with you or pulling away.

For example:

• A partner doesn’t respond to your message for hours. Instead of thinking, “They’re probably busy,” the Feeling Function might spiral into emotional overdrive: “Did I say something wrong?” “Are they upset with me?” “What if they don’t want to talk to me anymore?”

2. Dependence on External Validation

People with a Feeling preference seek harmony and connection. In anxious attachment, this can turn into an over-reliance on others for reassurance. Even after receiving validation, the feeling of security may not last long, leading to a constant cycle of seeking approval.

3. Fear of Conflict or Rejection

People with a strong Feeling preference avoid conflict because it disrupts emotional harmony. In anxious attachment, this fear can magnify, leading to behaviors like people-pleasing or staying in unhealthy relationships to avoid the pain of rejection or abandonment.

Recognizing Anxious Attachment in Yourself

Here are some ways anxious attachment may manifest, especially if your Feeling Function is dominant:

• Overanalyzing interactions: Replaying conversations in your mind, searching for signs of disapproval or rejection.
• Clinging to relationships: Staying in connections that don’t meet your needs because losing the relationship feels worse.
• Emotional sensitivity: Feeling deeply affected by minor conflicts or perceived slights.
• Constant need for reassurance: Seeking external validation to soothe inner doubts about your worth or the relationship.

Using Jung’s Theory to Move Toward a Secure Attachment

The good news? Jung’s work also points to tools for growth. The Feeling Function, when balanced by using the Thinking Function in a supportive role, is a powerful ally in building secure relationships. ?Here are a couple of actions to get you started.

1. Develop Your Thinking Function

If you’re feeling dominant, developing the Thinking Function to learn to make decisions based on facts and logic can help you shift from the subjective reasoning your Feeling Function automatically engages in. For example:

• Instead of assuming the worst when your partner is quiet, consider practical reasons (e.g., they had a long day). Ask them what is going on with them instead of thinking it is about you.
• Recognize that you don’t feel connected when they are quiet, and learn to tolerate the separateness and anxiety it can produce.

2. Challenge Fear-Based Thoughts

The Feeling Function can create stories about others’ intentions that aren’t always accurate. To interrupt this pattern, try asking yourself:

• “What evidence supports this fear?”
• “What evidence contradicts it?”
• “Is this situation really about me, or could something else be going on?”

For example, if a friend cancels plans, instead of thinking, “They don’t value our friendship,” consider practical explanations like their workload or personal stress or simply ask them what is going on with them.

Remember, with an anxious attachment, energy automatically goes into thinking about what is going on with the other person and the rejection/abandonment/not good enough stories that go along with it. Initiating a connection by shifting the focus off of yourself and asking the other person what is happening lessens the time you spend winding yourself up.

The Path to Secure Relationships

Understanding the role of the Feeling Function in anxious attachment offers a new perspective on why you might feel the way you do. It’s not about “fixing” yourself—it’s about recognizing how your value judgments and subjective comparisons shape your experiences and learning to use that awareness to change your reactions and behavior to create healthier relationships.

Whether you're driven by a need for connection, harmony, or self-growth, recognizing how your personality type interacts with your attachment style is a powerful step. It can help you identify triggers, embrace personal growth, and move closer to secure attachment in your relationships.

Imagine waking up feeling secure, confident, and loved—not because someone reassured you but because you trust yourself and the connections you’ve built. That’s the life you can create by balancing your Feeling Function and working toward secure attachment.

If you’re ready to take that next step, consider exploring attachment-focused therapy or therapeutic coaching to dive deeper into your attachment patterns. With time and effort, you can transform how you relate to yourself and others.

You Deserve Secure and Fulfilling Relationships

Ready to change the way you bond in your relationships, making the shift from insecure to secure attachment? Learn more about it in my book, Become Who You Are Meant to Be in Your Relationships. This book delves into the origins of attachment issues, their impact on personal and professional relationships, and actionable strategies to cultivate secure attachments across all areas of your life.

You can also check out the book trailer.

I look forward to your comments and feedback.

All the best,

Anne Dranitsaris, Ph.D.

Author, Therapeutic Coach, Psychotherapist

?? For a free consultation or to learn more about how I can support you, contact me at [email protected].