How to feel less sh*tty: a few science-based tips from a Melbourne Psychologist

As a lockdown extension & curfew was recently announced in Melbourne, along with lockdowns announced or continuing in NSW, NT and the ACT, things feel pretty bleak for many at the moment. The most common themes reported to me by clients over the last few weeks are: fatigue, stress, frustration, hopelessness, overwhelm, sadness, and feeling 'shitty' (whilst some may find this word to be vulgar, I believe it captures the collective mood rather nicely!). Individually and collectively, we have now experienced over 18 months of stress, uncertainty, lockdowns, economic hardships, isolation, disappointments, cancelled holidays, homeschooling, and discombobulation - all while trying to hold it together for our families, our loved ones, our teams, our livelihoods.

?While I don't profess to have the perfect antidote to these feelings, here's a couple of quick tips that may help you feel a little bit less 'meh', and remain as level as you can right now:

?1) Get brutal about what you're consuming

No, I'm not talking about choosing salad over brownies (dark chocolate has antioxidants!). I'm talking about what you feed your MIND. Why? Because what you focus on expands. There's some serious science behind this by the way, known as experience-dependent neuroplasticity. In an nutshell, this means that what you focus on will dictate the parts of your brain that fire, wire and strengthen, which will then influence what your brain will focus on in the future. I don't know about you, but I would prefer Kim's future-brain to focus AWAY from doom and gloom...

Some ideas to consider:

• Limit how much news coverage you watch / read. I'm not suggesting that you completely hide under your doona and never turn on the news again (although that does sound tempting right now!). Just set some boundaries on how much news you'll tune into. Compulsively checking news sites many times a day or religiously watching daily press conferences is an attempt to feel a sense of control about everything going on right now - which you won't get! If anything, it will fuel feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. Get enough information to be informed, and then change the channel.
• Avoid getting drawn into slanging matches on social media, or spending time reading rambling conspiracy theories on Facebook posted by some dude you went to high school with. This kind of thing will just add to your already-heightened stress levels, and exhaust the limited amount of energy you have. Plus, even if you are a world-class debating champion, your most solid, science-based, cutting argument is not going to change minds. Trust me.

• Choose to consume things that make you smile. If you take one thing from this article, it is that you get on Apple TV+ and watch Ted Lasso - it is the BEST. Public service announcement - you can get a free Apple TV+ subscription for 3 days, so you can binge watch Ted Lasso and then send me a happy message of thanks for the recommendation! I'm also enjoying old TV shows and movies I loved as a kid - a bit of nostalgia and comfort is welcome right now.

2) Set daily mini-goals, and give yourself the best chance to achieve them

Before you huff and puff and click away from this article, hear me out! Setting mini-goals is not a ploy to put undue pressure on yourself, but rather to focus on things that are in your control, which is very important when there is so much uncertainty. It is also important to experience a sense of achievement, even if it is over something small.

If I have a client that is experiencing depressive symptoms, one of the first things we will look at is behavioural activation - where they will gradually increase engagement in valued activities. This is a highly effective treatment that can increase the chance of deriving pleasure and achievement in life - and can be a cornerstone of your own 'stay sane' regime at the moment.

I have 4 simple, daily goals that I have written on a whiteboard next to my desk - I tick each one off when it is done, with an exaggerated flourish of my bright red whiteboard marker. The ticking feels good, and actually doing these things as part of my day makes me feel much more on top of things. Here are mine, along with how I improve my chances of actually DOING them:

Drink 2L of water

To get this ticked off, I have a 1-litre bottle that I keep next to me at my desk, and I make sure I keep sipping away between tasks / clients. If I'm feeling fancy, I stick some cucumber slices and lemon wedges in there to entice me to drink more.

Go for a walk

?I'll be honest - I have a rather dramatic dog that is extremely vocal if we're not out the door first thing in the morning - this gets me out the door even on the most lethargic of days. If you don't have a pet, never fear - you can still get in some daily steps. Lay out your walking shoes / clothes where you can easily access them and put them on, get a good audiobook / podcast / playlist happening, and just head out the door.

The '5-minute rule' can be really helpful here. Tell yourself that you will head out for 5 minutes. If you're still not feeling it after 5 minutes, you can go back home and crawl onto the couch. Chances are, after you have moved your body for a few minutes and gotten some fresh air, you will be motivated to continue.

Reach out to 1 friend

This can be via text, phone call, Facebook message, carrier pigeon etc. There's no real 'process' I follow to do this, other than: when I think of someone, I try to reach out to them to let them know. This helps me stay connected, and helps others in my world know that somebody cares - we all need more of this!

Meditate (5+ mins)

Meditation has a plethora of health benefits, with one being that it activates our parasympathetic nervous system - the one helps us relax. This is important at the best of times, and even more so at the most challenging of times.

Using an app makes it super easy. Insight Timer is free, and has literally thousands of wonderful meditations, talks and music tracks. There are also many meditations on YouTube - some 'morning meditations' are great for popping on when you first wake up, to help get into a positive(ish?) frame of mind. I have included one of my favourites below - and you can do it lying in bed, so minimum effort required. The mere suggestion of 'positive energy and motivation' may sound ridiculous right now, but in my view, if it helps you start off your day feeling even fractionally better than you would have felt otherwise - why not?!

Even if you're not channelling your inner zen straight away, know that the (many!) benefits of meditation are cumulative - so keep it up. The days you feel like avoiding it are the days that it will do the most good.

3) Show some #COVIDkindness

?Random acts of kindness are not only good for the person how is receiving the act - there are a truckload of evidence-based benefits for the giver as well. Kindness increases the 'love-hormone' oxytocin, which increases our self-esteem and optimism. Helping others has shown to increase feelings of strength and energy, and create a sense of calmness. Kindness stimulates the production of feel-good chemical serotonin. When you're kind to someone else, the brain's pleasure and reward centre lights up like a Christmas tree, as if you were the one receiving the act of kindness! Amazing stuff.

?Beyond the many wellbeing benefits you can reap from being kind to others, I strongly believe that now, more than ever, it is vital that we make a regular effort to do something kind for others. People are isolated from loved ones, tired, fragile - you never know what someone else is going through, or what a difference a small act could make in their lives.

A couple of ideas:

• Say "good morning" to people you pass on your morning walk (a jovial wave and 'smiling eyes' can be helpful when half your face is covered with a mask!)
• Call someone that you know is living alone to check in
• Pay for the coffee of the person behind you
• Send an old-fashioned, snail-mail letter to someone
• Tip a delivery driver
• Send an unexpected email to your team telling them how much you appreciate their efforts

4) Stop thinking you need to be 'fixed'

?Feeling tired, low, unmotivated and flat doesn't mean that you are broken, or that something is terribly wrong with you, and that you need to be diagnosed and fixed. We are living through a global pandemic, and these feelings, whilst certainly unpleasant, are ADAPTIVE responses to the current state of things - that is, they are normal responses to an abnormal situation, that actually enable us to get along as optimally as we can in our environment.

?Feeling tired? Experiencing 'lockdown brain'? This is normal. Your brain has been on intermittent-overdrive for 18 months now, doing a brilliant job of trying to look out for threats and keep you safe - it's no surprise you're not springing out of bed every morning!?

That marvellous, overworked brain of yours needs some downtime, so please don't put more pressure on yourself to 'thrive' or 'flourish' more. Sometimes all you can do is get through one day at a time - or even one HOUR at a time.?And that's OK.

?Sending positive vibes and love to everyone reading this. I'd love to hear what you are doing to keep on keeping on. What mini-goals are you setting? What #COVIDkindness have you witnessed? What content is making you happy?

Take care and stay safe all.

If you need more support, you can reach out to Lifeline Crisis Support on 13 11 14, or Beyond Blue Coronavirus Mental Health Support on 1800 512 348.