How to Feel Alive Again After Emotional Trauma

Ever been in a situation where you had no control and felt like your life was over? Yes, I can relate to that same heartbreaking feeling with many terrifying moments in my life.

We’ve all experienced this at some point.

The funny thing is that it is almost certain that we can tell many of the details that surrounded that event.?Who was there, where it happened, even what day and time it was!?These moments tend to stay in our brain like a footprint in wet concrete.

That was me eighteen years ago.

In a span of three years, I lost my ability to walk, broke up with my boyfriend of three-years, became a mother, and was suddenly thrown from a dream life into being unemployed, penniless, and dependent.

To say that life knocked the wind out of me would be an understatement.

Every time I got up, another blow sent me into a feeling of total defeat.?It was as if a tornado swept through my entire being, leaving me empty and devoid of hope, strength, and any shred of self-worth.

Locked into a shell, I spent these years buried in my own tears. I woke up in the middle of the night crying; in the morning, my eyes would swell with more tears. Without leaving my room, I cry myself to sleep. It was a dark period of my life where everything was one blurry haze of tears.

As those days of hopelessness continued, all I could focus on was how to make it stop.?I wanted to stop living. I dn’t want to relive each day with endless pain. Three years after the accident, my whole body still hurts, both physically and mentally.

I dn’t care that I have a baby who needs me.?Hell! Nothing mattered to me. Not even the smile on my baby’s face could make me feel grateful for surviving that horrible accident. The love and kindness from my family dn’t make me hate myself any less.

It was an arduous journey where I was often taking one step forward and two steps backward. I often felt like I would never see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I struggled to find the strength to inch forward.

Seven years on, I finally came out on the other side.?My new life and my new me are still being built, but now?I have a well of strength within me to propel me forward, regardless of setbacks or how bleak the situation may seem.

This new ability did not develop overnight. It gradually grew as I practiced and incorporated a new lifestyle that changed my life.

Not all wounds heal; some stay buried underneath, tormenting us.

We feel hopeless because unprocessed trauma is stored, not just in our subconscious mind and memory but also in our entire physical being.

While we often associate trauma with war, violent attack, rape, abuse, or near-death experiences, the reality is that there are a variety of other less apparent experiences that can be traumatic and have the potential to seriously disrupt our life.

Some experiences are more traumatic — like rape or war, but things like dealing with a serious illness in yourself or a family member, the death of a loved one, breaking up an important relationship, or even losing a job can also be traumatic.

As our bodies respond to trauma — heart beats faster, blood pressure rises, muscles tense — the areas of the brain responsible for fear, anger, and emotion become much more active, while the areas responsible for self-awareness, thoughtful decision-making, human connection, and compassion become less active.?They subsequently cause prolonged suffering.

Trauma is stored in our bodies when thoughts about the traumatic event are so distressing and uncomfortable that they are consciously or unconsciously buried as a self-preservation mechanism.

But when these traumatic thoughts and memories remain unspeakable or unthinkable for too long, they often impede our brain’s natural recovery process after trauma. They become stuck points that hinder the mental reintegration necessary for healing to occur.

Regaining your life after trauma

It can be difficult to describe depression to someone who has never experienced it.

Sometimes connecting with other people can help you better understand what you’re going through, make you feel less lonely, and reassure you that it’s possible to feel happy again, even if it feels totally out of reach for now.

If you or someone you know is depressed, here are some things you can do to comfort yourself and be hopeful during difficult times.

Dare to dream.

Dreams are alternate realities that we can create and control.?When you unleash your imagination, it can manifest itself, make wonderful inventions — works of art with amazing healing, communicative, inspiring, and transformative power.?Your dreams are clues to your gift to the world.

What kept me going during my darkest despair was the hope that one day I would graduate, have my own business, and be back on my feet.

Thank God I’m walking on my feet; my business has been great so far, even though I’m not a millionaire yet. I have multiple sources of income, my daughter will be in the university this fall, and I couldn’t be happier with myself.

Take care of yourself.

We’re screwed up, and you know it! We are busy hustling to make ends meet. Taking responsibility, doing vital work to mitigate or help adapt to the desperate future we all face, right?

So take it easy.?Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Begin with acknowledging that you have been hurt and that you need to care for yourself. You should be gentle and kind to yourself as you would if you were caring for an ill person.

Take a break. Treat yourself.?Celebrate the fact that you are smart enough, knowledgeable enough, strong enough, and sensitive enough to feel completely vulnerable.

Let it out, cry like a river.

Crying is a natural response to stress and sadness. Of course, self-soothing behaviors must be healthy and positive to be effective, and crying is one way to do that.

When you cry, you activate the parasympathetic nervous system of your brain, which helps in body recovery and rest.

Crying is an attachment behavior. It can encourage people to gather around you and provide you with the support you need.

With exceptionally great brains and memories, Elephants visit the places of death or suffering of their herd mates to remember and cry. It’s natural, it feels great, and it’s good for you. So, don’t hold back next time your situation seems unbearable.

Explore and find your passions.

Get together with someone you love and tell them what you really care about, what you are really passionate about, what you think should really happen in the world, where you think you can make a useful contribution, and where you would really enjoy it.

Then tell each other what you think are each other’s gifts to the world, the things the other is exceptionally good at. I bet you will feel things start to change in practical and intentional ways, rather than just desperate and hopelessly hopeless.

Published on Medium.com

#trauma #mentalhealth #lifeaftertrauma #feelalive #emotionalhealing #selfimprovement