How Fear Killed Anthony's Job Search

We heard about Anthony from our client Jeannine, who was a headhunter for years. Jeannine asked us to help her navigate her career change.

"I loved recruiting," said Jeannine, "but the search business is so transactional. I dealt with brilliant and talented and let's face it, often traumatized people, and I just didn't have enough time to spend with my candidates. I'm ready for a change."

"Was there anything in particular that got you thinking about switching careers?" we asked Jeannine.

"Yes," she said. "There was this guy named Anthony that I worked with about six months ago."

Anthony is married to Jeannine's cousin, so Jeannine had met him at several family events. When Anthony called Jeannine to get her help in his job search, he had just been let go from the company where he'd worked since college. Anthony was shell-shocked.

"I'm still reeling," he told Jeannine. "I took a job with his company when I was in college, twenty-seven years ago. I rose through the ranks. Most recently I ran Sales for the eastern half of the country. I was responsible for four hundred million dollars in annual sales. I had no idea they were going to consolidate the sales organization. I didn't even get offered another spot."

Jeannine had heard similar stories before. Anthony was a tremendous contributor at his job, but he was earning the big bucks, and when the company saw a way to combine two sales regions into one they jumped at it.

They gave Anthony a rich severance package. "I'm not angry," said Tony, "just disappointed."

Anthony had never once thought about changing jobs, or about what he would do if his job disappeared. It seemed too unthinkable an event to waste time worrying about, until it happened. When Jeannine had coffee with Anthony six weeks after his termination, he was still smarting from it.

"My VP called me in and told me that my job was going away, and he told me I could work until the end of the month in order to keep the company name on my resume," said Anthony.

"The VP had been my boss for about a year. I called the CEO on the phone, since I've known the CEO for the twenty-seven years I've worked in the company. The CEO took my call and was very apologetic. He said all the right things. That was that. Twenty-seven years and then 'See ya!'"

"Are you ready to job-hunt?" asked Jeannine. "A job hunt isn't necessarily a walk in the park. There's strategy, and there can be anxiety. Companies can take their time making decisions. I stay on top of them, but it's still a roller coaster, especially in the six-figure salary range. Are you up for that challenge right now, Anthony? You've got a severance package. You could take your time."

"No, I want to get going," said Tony. "I want to get working again." Jeannine had a client with a Director of Channel Sales opportunity that looked perfect for Anthony. Jeannine made the introduction and sent Tony on the interview. He did an incredible job at the interview. The hiring VP was impressed.

"They loved you," Jeannine told Anthony. "They want you to come back and meet three more managers."

"Really?" asked Anthony. "I was hoping this was going to be quick."

"Why?" asked Jeannine. "You have a great opportunity to move into a terrific job. You don't have to take the first thing that comes along. You have a fantastic background. Don't race to the finish line, Tony. You'll regret it if you do."

Another of Jeannine's clients asked her for candidates for a Regional Sales Director opening. "Will you go and meet them?" asked Jeannine. "I'd like to see what happens with the other guys, first," said Anthony.

"Oh, Tony," said Jeannine, "you are making a job offer the point of this exercise, and shutting yourself off from experiences that could really help you. Why not go on another interview?"

Anthony said no. He insisted that he was fine, not feeling any anxiety about his job search, and fully open to exploring his options, but it wasn't true.

Even with months of severance pay to cushion his transition, Anthony was in panic mode. He wanted a job, and he wasn't feeling choosy.

Jeannine got a call from the VP of HR at the company that was considering bringing Anthony on board. "We are close to making an offer," said the VP, "but I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself for right now. I don't want to jinx anything. Everyone who has met Anthony has agreed that he'd make a great addition to our company. I'm just waiting for the CEO to get back into town to approve the offer."

"What will the offer be?" asked Jeannine.

"Two hundred and twelve thousand dollars in base pay, our management bonus plan and a car allowance," said the HR VP. "The title of the position is Director of Channel Sales. Because it's sales, the comp plan is more like a VP level."

"I'm sure Tony will be excited," said Jeannine. "Any idea of your timing?"

"I hope to get in to see my CEO on Thursday," said the HR VP. Thursday was three days away.

"What may I share with Anthony at this point?" asked Jeannine. "Just that we remain very interested in continuing the conversation," said the VP. "Anthony has been around the block. He'll understand that."

Jeannine got off the phone thinking I'm not so sure about that. In truth Anthony was nearly a basket case. Jeannine pictured him sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring.

Because Anthony was an extended family member, Jeannine spent more time with him than with most of her candidates. What about meditation? she asked. Yoga might help you relax. Changes are hard, but trying to rush into the next thing in order to avoid the unpleasantness of uncertainty is not a solution. Reinvention is a process. Mother Nature is in charge.

Anthony listened to her without listening. "Any news about the job offer?" he asked.

The next day Jeannine got a short, borderline-brusque voicemail message from the same VP of HR she'd just spoken to the day before. "Call me!" said the VP.

Jeannine called back, her heart in her throat. "Jeannine," said the VP, "Have you heard the news about Anthony?"

"No," said Jeannine.

"Well, I guess our Sales VP called Anthony last night to talk about a few small issues," said the HR VP.

"Anthony asked the VP, 'Any news about your hiring process?' Our Sales VP said that we're working through it, and he thought that was a very strange question for Anthony to ask considering that we just met him for the first time ten days ago and that the process is moving extraordinarily fast. The VP had already told Anthony that we're waiting for our CEO to get back from a trip."

"Okay," said Jeannine. "Then what happened?"

"Well, that's when Anthony said to the Sales VP 'I heard you say at our interview that you also have a regional sales rep position open. If it's going to take you a while to make a decision on the Channel Sales job, I can take over that sales region for you.'"

"As a consultant? Temporarily?" asked Jeannine, her voice pitched an octave too high.

"Nope, as a full-time job," said the HR VP. "Anthony demoted himself two levels in ten seconds. He begged the Sales VP to give him a job in a sales region. I've never seen anything like it. The VP said 'Sure, great' and I'm preparing the offer now."

"Just out of curiosity --" began Jeannine.

"What does the job pay? Base of thirty-five, commission will probably bring that to ninety-five to a hundred and five thousand per year," said the HR VP. "Normally we don't pay search fees for regional sales rep jobs, but we'll pay your fee, of course. Just a smaller fee. Now I need more candidates for the Channels Director job."

"Thanks for the update," said Jeannine.

She called Anthony. "I hear that congratulations are in order," she said.

"Don't hate me," said Tony.

"Not at all," said Jeannine."Life is all about learning."

Jeannine saw Tony again six months later, just before she called us.

"It's pretty obvious that I made the biggest mistake of my career when I choked and asked the VP for a regional sales rep job," said Tony.

"As I sat in new employee orientation I could feel how ridiculous the whole situation was. Everyone I had met on my interview for the Channel Sales Director job looked at me strangely as I walked through the halls. I was happy to get on the road and get out of the office. I'll never get promoted in this company."

"Are you sure?" asked Jeannine.

"Positive," said Tony. "I sat down with the VP of Sales, now my boss's boss, the guy who would have been my boss if I'd been offered that Channels job and accepted. Over time I figured out that I had that job in the bag and I just choked.

I panicked. I mean pure panic, like I couldn't breathe. Makes no sense, I know."

"It makes all the sense in the world," said Jeannine. "You didn't know who you were. You wanted an identity, a chair, a desk, a business card, a paycheck. You thought you needed that stuff, desperately. You weren't in your highest place."

"I was a mess," said Tony, "but I couldn't see it. I think I'll work at this job for a year, then take some time off and consult. I have a lot to learn about myself."

Tony's fear of the Desert of Reinvention -- the place where we aren't sure what we're meant to be doing, such that the not-knowing feels like torture -- was powerful enough that he sabotaged himself to get out of the desert and into a new job. He couldn't bear the stress of waiting for an offer, so he took a job two levels below his capability.

He told his new employer, himself and the world "This is fine. I want this job, just like the job I performed twenty years ago. Just give me a job!"

Tony and all of us are learning that the Desert of Reinvention is where the most powerful learning happens. When we leave one identity and start looking for a new one, we're in free fall. When don't know who we are, new possibilities emerge. It's scary and exhilarating. Learning to love the Desert is one of the most important steps on our path.

"I used so much of your time and then screwed you out of -- what?-- fifteen or twenty thousand dollars in search fees," said Tony.

"Thirty-five thousand, but who's counting?" laughed Jeannine. "I'll let you buy lunch and call it even."

Fear is a powerful agent that doesn't get as much conversational attention as it deserves. We all feel fear, and job-seekers feel more of it than most people do. Talking about fear at work and on the job search is the first step to confronting and surmounting it, but in order to talk about it we have to crack open our tough exterior and be a little vulnerable.

Are you brave enough to go there?