How Fear Keeps Us Stuck and Stops Us from Making Decisions Even if We Already Know What We Truly Want!

Fear is a powerful and primal emotion that has helped humans survive for thousands of years. It is an instinctual response to perceived danger, warning us to either fight or flee. However, in today's modern world, fear can also be a hindrance, preventing us from making decisions that could help us grow and thrive.

Fear can keep us stuck in our comfort zones, afraid to take risks or pursue our dreams.

In this article, we will explore how fear keeps us stuck and stops us from making decisions even if deep down, we know the answer or option we want to follow.

Fear and the Brain

The amygdala, an almond-shaped structure in the brain, is responsible for processing emotions, including fear. When we encounter a perceived threat, the amygdala sends a signal to the hypothalamus, which activates the body's fight or flight response. This response floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones, increasing heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure, preparing us to take action.

However, in some situations, this fight or flight response can be triggered unnecessarily, leading to anxiety, panic attacks, and other forms of fear that can be debilitating. Fear can also prevent us from making decisions that could benefit us in the long term, causing us to remain stuck in our comfort zones and unwilling to take risks.

The Paradox of Comfort Zones

Our comfort zones are the places where we feel safe and secure, where we know what to expect and have a sense of control. However, staying in our comfort zones can also prevent us from growing and developing as individuals. We may be afraid to try new things, take risks, or pursue our passions because they lie outside of our comfort zones.

"The comfort zone is a psychological state in which one feels familiar, safe, at ease, and secure," says Dr. Andy Molinsky, a professor of organizational behavior at Brandeis University and the author of "Reach: A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Rise to the Challenge and Build Confidence." "But it is also a state in which one experiences low levels of anxiety and stress. That's the problem with staying in a comfort zone: It prevents you from experiencing new and challenging situations, which are critical for growth and development."

Fear of Failure

One of the biggest fears that keeps us stuck is the fear of failure.

Failure can be a painful and embarrassing experience, and it can be hard to recover from the blow to our self-esteem. However, failure is also a natural part of the learning process, and it is through failure that we can gain valuable insights and develop new skills. Or we consider the approach that there is no such thing as failure only feedback and an opportunity of learning.

According to Dr. Kristen Neff, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and the author of "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself "Failure is a natural part of learning and growth, but many people are afraid of it because they see it as a reflection of their self-worth. It's important to remember that failure is not a reflection of who you are as a person. It's simply a result of your actions or decisions, and it's an opportunity to learn and grow."

Overcoming Fear

While fear can be a powerful emotion, it doesn't have to control us. There are several strategies we can use to overcome our fears and make decisions that are aligned with our goals and values.

1. Recognise and acknowledge your fear. The first step in overcoming fear is to recognise and acknowledge it. By acknowledging your fear, you can begin to understand its underlying causes and develop strategies to address it.
2. Take small steps. Rather than trying to tackle your fear all at once, break it down into manageable steps. Taking small steps can help build confidence and make the process less overwhelming. For example, if you're afraid of public speaking, start by giving a speech to a small group of friends or colleagues before working your way up to a larger audience.
3. Challenge negative self-talk. Our inner dialogue can be a major source of fear and self-doubt. Challenge negative self-talk by questioning the evidence and replacing it with more positive and affirming thoughts. For example, if you find yourself thinking, "I'll never be good at this," challenge that thought by asking yourself, "What evidence do I have to support that belief? Is there anything I've done well in the past that could indicate that I'm capable of this?"
4. Practice self-compassion. Be kind and compassionate towards yourself, especially when facing fear and uncertainty. Recognise that fear is a natural part of the human experience and that it's okay to feel afraid, to take steps to recognise and name the fear and to accept that feeling and practice self-compassion as you take committed action whilst offering yourself words of encouragement and support and reminding yourself of your strengths and accomplishments and that yes, you CAN do this!

There are so many examples of people who have overcome their fears to achieve their goals, take a moment and look around you, who do you know that has done just this?

Or consider some of the more well-known individuals who have overcome their fears to achieve their goals and make a positive impact on the world. Oprah Winfrey, for example, overcame a fear of public speaking to become one of the most influential talk show hosts in history. She credits her success to facing her fear head-on and taking risks, saying, "The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams."

Another example is J.K. Rowling, who overcame poverty, depression, and rejection to become one of the most successful authors of all time. She credits her success to her ability to confront her fears and persevere in the face of adversity. "It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case, you fail by default."

We do not need to be as successful as these people to overcome fears to achieve our goals. Getting clear on our values, our goals, and the steps we need to take there to achieve what we want and 'live the life of our dreams', are things that can support us in breaking through that fear and bringing those aspirations to reality.

Fear Can Be Powerful

Fear has the power to keep us stuck, the power to prevent us from making decisions, taking action, living our life in alignment with our values, and from stopping us achieving our goals. However, in recognising, acknowledging, and naming those fears, through taking small actionable steps, challenging self-talk, practicing self-compassion, and having support along the way to do all of these things, we can overcome our fears and achieve our full potential.

As Dr. Kristen Neff says, "The key to overcoming fear is to approach it with compassion and curiosity, rather than avoidance and resistance. By embracing our fears and leaning into them, we can develop resilience and become more confident and empowered individuals."

If you're in a place where fear is keeping you stuck, if fear is holding you back from pursuing your dreams and living the life you truly want, take a deep breath, take a first step, and see where it takes you.

You:

If you don't know what step to even take, or you'd like to explore this and get to the heart of what is truly important to you so you can take those steps forward with clarity and confidence, then send me a DM or email.

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Me: Hi, I'm Karen.

ICF ACC Accredited and highly qualified Integrative & Transformative Coach with a wealth of experience in supporting people to get to the heart of what truly matters, setting meaningful goals, making values-based decisions, and developing the plan or strategy to make their aspirations a reality.

As an Internationally Certified mBIT Coach and Trainer, I also hold an ACTP Professional Coaching Diploma, am an NLP Master Practitioner, DISC, and Diary Detox Practitioner, and integrate coaching, training, mentoring, and strategy into my work with professionals, entrepreneurs, and organisations with over 30 years of experience as an entrepreneur and operational and strategic management within global companies and NFP organisations across a wide range of sectors.

My coaching approach is grounded in my own core values of integrity, authenticity, professionalism, and excellence. Existing to make a positive difference in the lives or organisations of those I work with, I love partnering with action-takers who are committed to exploring what's important to them and those who want to enhance their performance, productivity, success, and well-being so they can stop being stuck and take confident steps towards achieving their business or personal goals and make their aspirations or dreams happen.

Self-development is a lifelong journey; I'm deeply committed to CPD and CCE; currently studying at Oxford Brookes for my Masters in Coaching and Mentoring Practice to support me in delivering a more deeply informed and impactful service to my clients I also undertake regular coaching supervision as a key ethical part of my coaching practice.

I look forward to working with you and offer a complimentary chat to see how we can work together - contact me to schedule a call.