How the family home shapes the player...and the man.

When you think about the best attackers to have ever graced the Premier League, without a doubt the legend that is Thierry Henry inevitable enters the discussion.

But up until his episode on the Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett, few people had much of an idea about the forces that helped shape the player, and the man.

Thierry shares that even when he was at the peak of his powers, he couldn't tell you if he was genuinely happy. He shares that when we was playing, he couldn't care less if he was happy or not. He shares that he rarely revelled in the enjoyment of scoring, instead he often felt rage.

And when it came to what did make him smile and feel a glimmer of happiness on the pitch?

When he provided an assist.

When we was giving.

When he was pleasing others.

What did Thierry attribute these personality traits and characteristics to?

• A family home where parental warmth and affection was rarely displayed.
• A father who constantly criticised his performance, his errors and his actions.
• A father who left when he was young.
• Growing up in an elite environment where there wasn't time to be a child.
• Staying in the athlete mindset because it was safer than being the man.

How can we understand Thierry's journey from a 'Head in the game' perspective?

When we are young, for most people, their primary caregivers are mum and dad. But this really applies to any primary caregivers.

We rely on our caregivers for the essentials - first and foremost we need them to stay alive. So our system puts a huge emphasis on monitoring the responses of mum and dad to gauge if we are safely inside the 'in-group'.

Do you remember a moment when you were very little and mum or dad flew into a rage?

Not only is it scary from a child's perspective... this seemingly all powerful, big, strong person is giving us danger signals we might be attacked and hurt.

But it's also scary from your brain's perspective... my primary caregiver who I rely on for survival might abandon me, and then I won't survive.

As we get a little older, we often also rely on our primary caregivers to help us do the things we enjoy the most.

Thierry talks about how his dad would always be around when we was very young to take him to training and matches.

This parent-child dynamic understandably results in us being subordinate to the clear authority figures in our home. They set the rules.

From an Emotional Memory Image (Hudson and Johnson, 2021) perspective, this often leads us to place and store our mental representations of our parents up high, up above us, up on a pedestal.

When we're then criticised, put down, or scolded by those we hold so dear and place so much importance on, it creates an irresistibly strong desire, an urge almost, to want to please them. To get their approval.

But it also lead to a desire to please others - the infamous people pleaser dynamic.

In ideal circumstances, as the child grows up, moves into adolescence, into being a young adult and all the way to being a fully-grown man or woman, the parent-child relationship dynamic gradually evolves and progresses, moving close to or at equilibrium. Before sometimes even tipping the other way in their old age.

However, if that role model position has a void, that people pleasing dynamic and the pattern of a desperate need for approval can get stuck.

it can also create a need for anyone's approval, while simultaneously creating a powerful fear of being disliked or disapproved of by others.

And if you don't have a role model that you can observe and learn from as they reach their most evolved, adult form, it's common to get stuck at the same level of emotional development as your parent did (assuming no personal development or intervention occurs).

Thierry shares how even in his pomp, that wound of seeking approval from his father was the void that drove his actions.

And it was that lack of a father figure that drove his need to please.

Fortunately for Thierry, he shares how his relationship and his children allows him to be 're-educated' on a daily basis.

As they learn from him, he learn from them. In a mutually-fulfilling, loving dynamic.

But what if that need for approval, that need to please, that childhood wound was healed?

What might that have meant for the happiness of one of the best strikers the Premier League has ever seen?

And what effect might that have had on Thierry the player?

And would he want to make that trade if he could?

Let me know your thoughts below.