How falling at the final hurdle can help you finish first over the finishing line

You’re in the dressing room and it hurts like hell. It’s difficult to shake off that stench of defeat when you’ve invested so much of your time, energy and emotion only to fall short at the final hurdle. Nothing can quite prepare you for how you’ll feel after losing a Cup Final but, just like in life, if we embrace adversity it may mean we are better equipped to triumph the next time the finishing line is in sight.

Bobby Unser once said; “Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second,” and that’s exactly how I was able to use a gut wrenching loss to inspire one of my most rewarding achievements. Back in 2010, I was the captain of the Stevenage side that had just secured the Blue Square Premier title with a record number of points. Our final game of that unforgettable season was the F.A Trophy Final against Barrow and we headed to Wembley Stadium full of confidence that we would complete the job in hand and secure a historic league and cup double.

I had won the competition with the same club the previous season but I was not captain that day so this match was special for a number of different reasons. Unfortunately, the Stevenage juggernaut ran out of steam that day and we lost the game 2-1 after extra time. As their jubilant players jumped for joy, I led my devastated troops over to our supporters to thank them for everything they had given us throughout the course of that remarkable campaign.

I was immensely proud of everything that we as a squad had achieved but I was dreading what was to come next. Walking the Wembley steps is something I’d dreamt of as a child but this was not in the script. The tears began to flow and I knew this would be one of the most difficult moments of my career. All the excitement I felt in the build-up to the game was lost in my despair as the weight of the world came crashing down around me. Heavy legs carried me up those steps but it was an even heavier heart that dragged me back down.  

Our deflated squad gathered back on the pitch and many of my teammates couldn’t even bear to look as the Barrow skipper hoisted the gleaming trophy high into the London sky. I watched it all. In fact I couldn’t take my eyes off him or that trophy. There was something deep inside of me that was forcing me to face this agony head on. I might not have been able to comprehend exactly why at the time but I knew that I was meant to remember the pain I was feeling so I wiped the tears away, put on a brave face and took in as much as I possibly could.

Making myself present in that difficult moment means, even now, if I close my eyes I can remember how the delirious Barrow fans celebrated wildly with their heroes and how I wished that was me. I can also remember the crestfallen faces of the Stevenage supporters and how I’d have done anything to take that pain away from them.

Before I walked off that hallowed turf and back to the dressing rooms, I made a promise to myself. One day I would return to that magnificent stadium and climb back up those steps as a winning Wembley captain. One day.

Fast forward to 26th May 2014 and the League Two playoff Final between Fleetwood Town and Burton Albion. I had a new team to captain and a different trophy to win but my mission was still the same and this was the opportunity to make good on the promise I had made with myself.  

We won the game 1-0 and victory promoted my Fleetwood Town side to League 1 for the first time in the club’s history. The wave of emotion that greeted the final whistle nearly knocked me off my feet but that mixture of relief and joy was quickly followed by the realisation of what was to come next. And this time I was so, so ready.

Even after a gruelling season and a toughly contested encounter I’d have sprinted up those steps if someone had told me to. As I led my teammates up those iconic slabs of concrete I was able to enjoy an embrace with my wife and share in the rest of that glorious triumph with my closest friends and family. I still believe that I was able to savour the moments that followed on a deeper level because of my previous experience and in a roundabout way I’m grateful for the pain I suffered because it helped me to appreciate the degree of pleasure I finally got to enjoy.

The morale of this story is that our biggest personal setbacks can inspire our greatest comebacks. I had to wait four years and had moved clubs when I got my shot at redemption. It’s therefore vital to understand that circumstances might change and that the value of patience is just as important as recognising when your golden opportunity does finally arise. Remember you cannot change history but you do have to power to create it.

#makeyourmark #MondayMotivation