How to fail at... [strategy]

If you're ready to fail spectacularly at #strategy, congratulations—you're in the right place. Below, we’ve carefully crafted the ultimate guide to ensure your strategic efforts go nowhere fast. From chasing "growth" to being everywhere at once, these foolproof tips will help you avoid success like a true professional.

1. Make “Growth” Your Strategy ??

Want to impress the board? Just throw out the word “growth” as your strategy. No need to complicate things with actual plans or how you’ll get there. Growth is the goal, so why not make it the strategy too? If you’ve got a number, say 10% growth, even better! What else do you need???

Bonus tip for ultimate failure: Don’t worry about understanding your market, your competitors, or your customers. Just keep shouting “growth” and watch as your lack of direction takes you straight into mediocrity.?

2. Be Everything to Everyone ??

A solid strategy limits your focus, but why would you do that when you could show up everywhere for everyone? That’s how big brands do it, right? Forget about priorities or target markets—spread yourself thin and make sure you’re on every platform, in every market, trying to appeal to everyone from toddlers to retirees. After all, you wouldn’t want to leave any potential customer untapped.??

The ultimate fail: This approach guarantees your resources will be stretched to the breaking point, and your messaging will be as clear as mud. But hey, at least you’ll feel busy.?

3. Hyper-Target Your Most Loyal Fans ??

You’ve got a core group of die-hard fans—people who’d buy your product even if you sold it out of a rusty van. So, why bother reaching out to anyone else? Just keep selling to your loyal customers and ignore the rest of the market. It’s a foolproof way to keep your brand small and irrelevant.??

Pro-failure move: Instead of broadening your reach, double down on the small group that already loves you. Who needs new customers when you can build your entire business on the backs of the same 100 superfans?

4. Forget About Mental & Physical Availability ????

Byron Sharp talks about “mental and physical availability,” but who has time for that? You’re way too busy running after every trend to worry about whether people can remember your brand or find it when they’re ready to buy. Why would you want to be memorable or easy to buy? It’s much more fun to blend into the background and make customers work to find you.??

Fail spectacularly: Make your brand as forgettable and inaccessible as possible—no clear branding, no consistent presence. After all, if people really want you, they’ll figure it out.?

5. Focus Exclusively on Short-Term Sales ??

Brand building? Pfft. That takes time—and you’re in a hurry to hit this quarter’s numbers. Flash sales, discounts, and gimmicks are the name of the game here. Forget that 60/40 rule (where 60% of your efforts should be long-term brand building and 40% for short-term sales activation). You’re going 100% activation, baby!??

Fast-track to failure: Spend all your budget on immediate sales tactics and watch as your brand erodes over time. Sure, you’ll get a quick win, but you’ll also guarantee long-term irrelevance. Perfect.

6. Copy Big Brands (With None of the Budget) ??

Coca-Cola, Apple, Nike—they’re huge because they follow big-budget strategies. So, why not copy them? Never mind that they’ve got deep pockets, tons of brand equity, and global reach. Just steal their ideas and apply them to your small or mid-sized business without any context or customization. What could go wrong???

The mega-fail: Try to do a Super Bowl ad without the Super Bowl budget. Focus on high-end production and celebrity endorsements while ignoring that your small brand needs relevance and agility, not bloated tactics. Watch your cash evaporate in real-time.

7. Never Measure or Adjust ??

The best way to fail at strategy is to make decisions based on vibes alone. Measuring success? Adjusting based on feedback? That’s for data nerds and people who care about things like "progress." Stick to your gut feelings and ignore all the metrics that could tell you what’s working or not.??

Fail-safe strategy: Never look back. If your campaign bombs, just launch the next one with no changes whatsoever. Consistency is key… even if you’re consistently terrible.

8. Build an Anti-Brand Cult ??

Some companies think having a strong brand is the key to success. What nonsense! You’ve got the best product in the market—who needs brand recognition when your product practically sells itself? Skip all that fluff about distinctiveness, consistency, and emotional connection with customers. Focus purely on features.??

The fast-track to being forgotten: Assume your product is so great that customers will automatically find it and remember it without any effort on your part. Just make sure no one knows who you are, what you stand for, or why they should care. You’ll be invisible in no time.

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If you follow these steps, rest assured you’re guaranteed to drive your business straight into the ground—or at the very least, waste a lot of money and time going nowhere fast. Remember: focus on vague goals, avoid clear decisions, ignore new customers, and never ever measure success. The path to failure has never been so clear!