How to escape the comparison trap at work

Welcome to Inclusion Is Leadership, a biweekly infusion of insights, research, and guidance to create inclusive workplaces. Created by Ruchika Tulshyan, inclusive leadership advisor, founder of Candour, author of Inclusion On Purpose, and creator of the LinkedIn Learning course: Moving DEI from Intention to Impact.

Author’s note: Before I dive into this week’s newsletter, I want to make space to acknowledge that many of us are not okay right now. We are a global society, and the violence and devastation in Gaza, Ukraine, and around the world affects us all. We are right to experience grief. It is important to stay informed and to take action, and it is also important to refill our cups when we need to. Please, during this difficult and heartbreaking time, remember to keep caring for yourself. Rest when you need to so you can keep on in our advocacy for peace.

It’s been a month since I’ve turned in the first draft of my first book, Uncompete! In an unexpected and deeply generous gesture, People leader (and shero), Tammy Perkins asked me if I’d be willing to share some of my ideas for her Fast Company article on comparison culture at work. Here’s what I shared.

How do you feel when you see a colleague receive accolades or get promoted? Are you celebrating with them, or does it make you feel less proud of your own accomplishments? Maybe it’s a little of both.?

It’s incredibly easy to fall into a trap of comparing ourselves to others. This is especially true in our current reality, where we are constantly bombarded with images of everyone else’s highlight reels on social media. But while comparison is normal, that doesn’t mean it’s good for us. Comparing ourselves to others can lead to negative self-talk, low self-worth, envy, depression, and resentment. Comparison keeps us so focused on what others are doing that it’s easy to lose sight of our own journey.?

Many people believe that in order to be successful, they have to always be competing, but I knew I had to choose another way when competition and comparison started impacting my health, wellbeing and even the ability to reach my career goals.

My next book, Uncompete outlines how scarcity and competition is a tool of oppression. We are conditioned by those in power to believe that there is only room for one person—or a few people—to succeed. This is especially true for marginalized communities. Systems like racism and patriarchy want us to compete, to work against each other. They know that if we work together, we are stronger to overturn existing systems of oppression. When we work together, we create more seats at the table.?

To uncompete, we must truly believe that we are stronger when we collaborate, not compete. More of us win when we take corresponding action to support, uplift, and champion others. Here’s how to get started.?

Collaboration over competition

Many of us get sucked into the comparison trap because we feel in competition with each other. That win-or-lose culture is prevalent in many workplaces, but it doesn’t do much for anyone’s success. Collaboration is what leads to innovation and growth, especially in the workplace.?

The best leaders combine teamwork and collaboration over competition, and leaders can foster a more productive, united work environment when they get everyone excited about working together toward a shared goal. Collaboration allows us to combine our strengths, and when groups are diverse, bring a valuable mix of experiences and perspectives to the table. When we trade in competition for collaboration, it requires us to leave behind comparison, and to see the value in another’s journey—and in our own.?

When you feel in competition with a colleague, ask yourself: “Are there projects or opportunities for me to invite my ‘competitor’ to collaborate with me?”?

Challenge the scarcity mindset…

A scarcity mindset tells us that there aren’t enough seats at the table. There can only be one Fill in the blank_____:? one woman, one person of color, one winner. That messaging can ignite a desperation in us that feels almost primal, like we’re fighting for food or water. Of course we’re comparing ourselves to others when we’re in that headspace.?

But what happens if you deeply reflect on how you perceive scarcity at work? Are there truly not enough opportunities, or are you just thinking that way? Is the type of environment you’re in forcing you to compete with your colleagues, or have you developed this habit over time? Zoom out, and take a real look at the situation, absent your involvement in it. What’s really going on??

Changing a scarcity mindset is a challenge, and it pays to be intentional about it. Celebrating your wins, no matter how small, will help you return your focus to yourself. Your personal growth and progress is what matters.?

Embrace abundance instead

An abundance mindset allows us to celebrate others’ successes, because we have faith that there are more than enough? opportunities to go around. When we have an abundance mindset, we see each of us as unique individuals, knowing that our colleague’s success was designed for them and the right opportunities will find us at the right time. We can also embrace abundance by seeking opportunities to collaborate with, not compete with, those we’re told to see as our rivals. I want to acknowledge that this is not how many workplace cultures are designed, but when I’ve invited those I’m supposed to compete with to collaborate, I’ve experienced tremendous success.?

?We’ve been conditioned to compare ourselves to one another in every situation. Those conditioned “inside” voices can be both stubborn and insidious, but it is possible to silence it (or at least put some mental earplugs in). Shift your focus to the potential for collaboration and connection that all around you. There are plenty of opportunities to go around if we work together to create them.?

Tammy shares more of her wisdom in her Fast Company article (read here) and while my book is still more than a year away, I feel humbled to share some of the ideas I explored for her article.

Thank you for joining me for another edition of? Inclusion is Leadership! Want to learn more? Check out my website, and please consider joining nearly 300,000 people who have taken my LinkedIn Learning course: Moving DEI from Intention to Impact.