How to Ensure That Chronic Illness Does Not Define You (Lessons from Michael J. Fox)

By Jennifer Crane MS CDP

Living with a chronic illness can be challenging, both physically and emotionally. It can often feel like the disease defines who we are, overshadowing our identity. However, it is important to remember that our identity is not our disease. We are so much more than our health condition, and it is crucial to maintain a sense of self and purpose beyond our illness.?

Many of us are familiar with the career of Michael J. Fox. His portrayals of Alex P. Keaton in Family Ties, Mike Flaherty in Spin City, and Marty McFly in Back to the Future (and many more incredible roles) made him very popular. He became an icon throughout the 1980s and 1990s. Sadly, in December 1998, Fox announced that he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, a neurological condition that causes gait and mobility issues, tremors, and other difficult symptoms.?

The impact of this diagnosis was lived out very publicly because Fox was still young and at the height of his acting career. He had a beautiful wife, 4 beautiful kids, and the life many people dream of. In the 26 years since his condition became public, Fox has undergone many treatments and had many adjustments to his life as he navigated the tremors and other symptoms of his condition.?

Fox had to learn to see life differently — to approach life understanding that some days would be easier and some days would be a moment-by-moment struggle. He learned that nothing lasts forever. The harder moments, where he struggles most with his condition, will not last forever and they do not define him.

His identity is not his struggle with Parkinson’s. He is a man, a husband, a dad, an actor and producer, a Parkinson’s advocate, a warrior. He has chosen to embrace his strengths, his opportunities, and not wallow in the difficult. He is an overcomer who influences not only those in the Parkinson’s community, but everyone who struggles with difficult things that are not in their control.?In short, he has learned to separate his identity from his disease.

How can we separate our identity from our disease?

1. Embrace your passions and hobbies: Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can help shift the focus away from your illness. Whether it's painting, writing, gardening, or playing a musical instrument, find something that ignites your passion and allows you to express yourself.

2. Surround yourself with a supportive community: Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be incredibly empowering. Join support groups, attend events, or engage in online communities where you can find understanding, encouragement, and inspiration. Also, be sure to include members of your family and close friends — they’ll be the ones who are with you at all times. You can draw strength from them.

3. Focus on your strengths: Instead of dwelling on the limitations imposed by your illness, concentrate on your strengths and abilities. Recognize your unique talents and qualities that make you who you are, independent of your health condition.

Why is it important to separate our identity from our disease?

1. Preserving our mental well-being: When we allow our disease to consume our identity, it can negatively impact our mental health. By maintaining a separate sense of self, we can better cope with the challenges and maintain a positive outlook.

2. Encouraging personal growth: By recognizing that we are more than our illness, we open ourselves up to personal growth and development. We can set goals, pursue new interests, and continue to evolve as individuals.

3. Building resilience: Separating our identity from our disease allows us to build resilience and face adversity with strength and determination. It empowers us to overcome obstacles and live a fulfilling life despite the challenges we may face.

"There are no moments you have frozen in amber. It’s moving, it’s changing, so appreciate what’s good about right now and be ready for what’s next." — Michael J. Fox, interview with People magazine

Remember, you are not alone

It is important to remember that you are not alone in your journey. Many others are going through similar experiences and can offer support and understanding. Reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and help you navigate the complexities of living with a chronic illness.

While our health condition may be a part of our lives, it does not define who we are. Our identity is multifaceted, shaped by our passions, relationships, and experiences. By separating our identity from our disease, we can reclaim our sense of self and live a life filled with purpose, joy, and resilience.

Michael J. Fox could have chosen to be resentful, to give up, to become angry and bitter. Instead, he chose to thrive and count his blessings. I’m sure he struggles from time to time. We all do. It is natural to struggle on hard days.

In a 2009 interview with People magazine, Fox spoke to what it’s like to get through each day:

“I’m not feeling particularly steady right now, but this is not going to last for more than a couple of minutes,” he explains. “Same with raising kids. There are no moments you have frozen in amber. It’s moving, it’s changing, so appreciate what’s good about right now and be ready for what’s next.”

Fox chooses to pick himself up and keep moving, keep loving, keep working and to see the good things in his life.?His disease is not his identity.

So what can we conclude from this?

We get to choose our perspective and our attitude in the face of things we did not choose, such as a chronic disease. When we face such daunting challenges, there are steps we can take to separate our identity from our health condition. We can choose to not let it define us. In the process, we can learn how to thrive and make a difference in the world, regardless of our circumstances.?

Jennifer Crane, MS, CDP, is a Gerontologist & Certified Dementia Practitioner? and founder of Age With Dignity . She provides one-time and ongoing consultation services for older adults, their family members and individuals who care for older adults. Jennifer has personal experience with a number of chronic health conditions. They do not define her.

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