How to Enjoy Networking

Do you hate networking? Does the idea of walking into a room of complete strangers after a long day of work wearing your most professional (and likely uncomfortable) clothes make you beeline straight to the open bar? I can relate. I can be a very outgoing person, but only around people I’m comfortable with.

If you’re a small business owner or just reacting to the downturn in the market, networking is probably an initiative that’s a little higher on your to-do list these days. My companies do not have any marketing campaigns, so our business sources are relationship-based. But sometimes growth has to be approached a little more aggressively, and networking is the easiest and most cost-efficient way to meet potential clients.

When I was a newly minted attorney, my dad took me around his attorney friends and their networking events. I was never fully comfortable at those events and it’s pretty easy to understand why – aside from being licensed attorneys, we had nothing in common. Multiple generations removed from me, there was little to relate to. It felt more like a holiday party with estranged relatives that were grasping at ways to keep a conversation going.

A few years later, I got involved with an industry-specific association. Although there was still generational gaps, we had something big in common: the work. It’s very easy to relate to someone who does the same job as you. But therein lies the problem: if they’re doing the same thing you are, they’re your competition, not a networking opportunity. That’s only partly true, because people operating in the same industry does not equate to their organization being an identical copy of yours. From personal preferences to clientele to regional differences, there was a surprising variety of the “work” being done by title agencies in Michigan. These differences only multiplied when I got involved in the national association.

What was crucial to networking clicking for me and my business was finding a place that I was comfortable. It wasn’t with my dad’s attorney friends, or even attorneys I went to school with, it was at industry-related associations with professionals who could speak the same work language as me.

Last year I started attending conferences, as opposed to an after-work event. Many of those conferences were out of state, and I attended them alone. It was a crash course in networking because there’s no home to rush off to as soon as the education portions finish. There are meals and evenings and down time that can be extremely daunting when you don’t know a single person. Conferences are now my favorite networking situation for that very reason – we’re all in the same boat. We all need to eat dinner, and preferably not by ourselves, so we better find those dinner partners asap.

It took some time for my partners to see the value in the connections I made through these associations. The professional network that I’ve cultivated is honestly one of the best things about my job. And instead of being competitors, we use each other as resources when we have a situation that’s out of our area of expertise.

Despite all the incredible benefits to networking, I’ll be the first person to attest to how absolutely draining it can be. I went from maybe 2-3 networking events a year to a multi-day conference about once a month, with the added involvement of being responsible for planning many of them and presenting at them. I have definitely found myself burnt out and mentally checked out because I didn’t know how to pace myself and I was so determined to wring out every single potential opportunity to make the cost of the conference worth it. Here are a few things I’ve learned to get the most out of networking events:

1. Don’t approach people and start rattling off your resume. Yes, you’re here to sell your company, we all are. Networking is a lot like dating – sure, I’ll eventually want to know the details to see if this might work out but first I need to figure out if I even want it to. Ask questions that you would actually want to answer. “What’s a project you’re working on right now that’s exciting?” Or “What’s your favorite thing about the company you work at?” Or “What’s a topic at this event you’re most interested in?” These kinds of questions are easy to answer and disarm the person you’re meeting.
2. Schedule a chunk of time to just veg out by yourself. The quickest way to get burnt out at conferences specifically is by saying yes to every single invitation and denying yourself the ability to decompress. Take advantage of an on-site spa and get a massage or do a room service meal. Networking is still “work” and no one enjoys working 15-hour days.
3. If you meet someone you really connect with, ask them to introduce you to some of the connections they think might benefit you and make sure you do the same. It’s like the matching memory game, remembering who does what and has a solution to the other’s problem.
4. Be authentic. If someone is talking about their job and using a bunch of acronyms and you’re totally lost, ask them to explain it. I’ve met so many connections that have expanded my knowledge base because I was unafraid to state, “I have no idea what that means, can you give me more information?”
5. If you’re like me and feel lost without a specific purpose, becoming involved in the association itself, like joining a committee, not only helps you meet members in a less stressful environment, it also give you a purpose at the event.

Networking is like any other skill, and will feel uncomfortable and frustrating at first. You won’t get good at it unless you keep doing it. There’s also a lot of power in realizing when a particular network isn’t where you’re most comfortable, so don’t be afraid to try more than one. You’ll be most successful when you find you’re actually enjoying yourself. I promise it’s possible.