How Emotion Regulation is a Key to Self-Mastery

The following is an excerpt from my book, The Journey to Self-Mastery: Unlocking the Secrets to Personal Transformation.

Debunking Myths Regarding Emotions

It’s important to dispel some popular misconceptions regarding emotions. These “myths” do a disservice to developing good mental health.

Myth 1: An exact emotion can be used for every circumstance. Truth: Our emotions are dynamic reactions to internal and external events, meaning they are not firmly bound to circumstances and constantly fluctuate. Further, there are degrees and shades of those emotions, which underscores the need for emotional literacy.

Myth 2: Neglecting painful emotions is a good idea. Truth: Avoiding difficult emotions or repressing them makes it harder for us to handle them successfully, which could result in dysfunctional responses.

Myth 3: Expressing emotions shows weakness. Truth: Recognizing and understanding our emotions as they arise can help us express ourselves more healthily, and doing so is by no means a sign of weakness. This is particularly important for men, who tend to suppress their emotions more than women.

Myth 4: Negative emotions are undesirable. Truth: Every emotion, whether positive or negative, has a purpose. How we handle these emotions, and our response to them counts.

Myth 5: Emotions can happen for no apparent cause. Truth: Emotions are frequently warning signs that we must address a certain area of our lives. They are typical reactions to internal or external occurrences.

Myth 6: Emotions are indisputable facts. Truth: Emotions are not facts. Emotions are temporary mental and physical reactions, not unalterable realities. They only continue if we let them.

Myth 7: Expressing emotions is equivalent to experiencing them. Truth: There are two separate parts of emotions: experience and expression. For instance, anger should not result in violent acts like yelling or smashing doors.

Myth 8: Excessive emotion causes a person to lose control. Truth: Context is important. In contrast to lashing out in fury during a traffic incident, expressing great grief after a loss is good.

Myth 9: Emotions never end. Truth: Unless we intentionally suffer, are in a "mood," repress or ignore our emotions, they are fleeting.

Myth 10: We are powerless over our emotions. Truth: Often, our thoughts about a circumstance trigger our emotions, not that situation itself. We can better control our emotions by learning to read situations in a way that is consistent with our well-being. Remember that managing means controlling, not repressing.