How to Edit Your Story

We are not the most reliable narrators, especially when it comes to the stories we tell ourselves about the workplace. Often, we let our ego dictate the story- it doubts, suspects, and gossips. It leads the charge on arguing with reality. But how can we check ourselves and our egos and learn to be better leaders? Step 7 in my ‘10 Steps to Better Leadership’ series is all about this process.

Suffering is optional

Suffering doesn’t come from reality, it comes from the story we make up about our reality. A Reality-Based Thinking mindset is not about having a positive attitude. Reality-Based Thinking means that you question your thoughts for accuracy. Our suffering is not caused by our reality; it is caused by the story we make up about our reality, the intentions of others or the reasons why things are happening around us.

Ask the right questions

The impact of a leader does not come from what he or she tells team members but from what he or she gets them thinking about. As a leader, when your employees fly into your office with their most recent drama dump, ask them to edit their stories. What do they know to be true? What are the facts? How could they help? Given the facts of the situation, what’s the next best thing they could do to add value?

Here’s how you can edit your story

Writing things down can help you tune into your thoughts. It’s especially useful when you are just beginning to use this method and listening to your thoughts is not yet automatic. Later on, continue to use it whenever you’re so enmeshed in a situation that it’s hard to step back and stop your mind from reeling.

Whenever you are that stressed, take it as a sign that it’s time to take a break, and ask yourself some of these ego-bypass questions:

- What do you know for sure?

- What would be most helpful in this situation?

- What could you do next that would add value?

- Would you rather be right or happy?

For more questions that can help you or your employees see more clearly and begin to transform negative energy into self-reflection, try our Reality-Based Leadership tool, Edit Your Story.