How Does Your Ego Control You?

The human ego is a fascinating concept to me, and one that most people battle to understand completely. 

So, what exactly is ego?

Simply put, the English word 'ego' is the Latin word for 'I'.

For most though, the traditional representation of the term 'ego' is that of the rich, attractive, successful person who thinks they are better than everyone else. It's way more complicated than that.

The ego is simply your identity. It's who you believe you actually are. It's how you portray yourself to others.

Having an ego is not necessarily a bad thing, if you know how to control it, to ensure that it does not overpower you by impacting your thoughts with negativity.

A positive ego is essentially a positive self esteem. If left untamed however, your ego is an incredibly powerful force that can negatively influence and limit your journey towards living your life as your true self.

The Cherokee North American tribe has a parable that tells of a conversation between a Grandfather and his Grandson. The Grandfather tells his Grandson that inside of every single person is a terrible fight between two wolves. The one wolf is evil and represents anger, jealousy, greed, arrogance, resentment and inferiority. The other wolf is good and represents joy, hope, happiness, peace, generosity and kindness.

The Grandson, after listening intently to his Grandfather eventually asks the question, "so if this fight lies within me, which wolf eventually wins?"

The Grandfather's answer is at the end of this mail.

In order for you to become aware of how your ego may be negatively affecting you, and might prevent you from living your life as your true, most powerful self, here are a 5 signals that you might want to observe:

1. Ego Compares itself to Others. Ego is concerned by the opinion of others, and compares your success and happiness to that achieved by others. You overcome this by simply comparing yourself to yourself. Compare who you are today versus who you were 6 months, 12 months, or 5 years ago. Your level of growth, success and happiness lies in your hands.

2. Ego pretends to be strong. Ego sees vulnerability and failure as a weakness, and therefore presents strength at all times, despite what is really going on inside. No human being is perfect.  True growth and sustainable success is built through experience and learning, and not all experience is positive and successful. Own your truth, and be grateful for all experiences, good and bad

3. Ego assumes or pretends that it knows everything. Ego drowns curiosity and ignores opportunity to learn and grow. Ego doesn't ask questions for fear of appearing weak.  It is not possible to know it all, and the journey to become your most powerful, true version of yourself involves constantly seeking to add to your base of knowledge.

"I have learned, that I still have a lot to learn," - Maya Angelou

4. Ego wants to be liked by everyone. Sadly, this affects most of us, and the consequence of always wanting to please others is that you never live your life as your true self.  It is not possible for every human being to be liked by everyone in this world. Its simply not possible. We are all so different in terms of how we think, our views of the world, our culture and upbringing, and our own insecurities. If you base every life decision on what other people will think, then you will never live your life as you.

5. Ego demands respect. Respect is earned, and cannot not be demanded. True positive self esteem commands respect. You will command respect when others see you living your life being true to who you are.

This week, observe your thinking patterns and your behaviours. If you find yourself trapped in ego-based thinking, make a concerted effort to adjust your thinking or your behaviour.

Now, back to the story of the two wolves, and the Grandson's question to his Grandfather. If these two wolves live and fight inside all of us, one wolf representing all that is evil and negative in our thinking, and the other represents everything that is good and kind, which wolf wins the fight?

The Grandfather's response..."the one that you feed."

Stop feeding your ego this week.

Have a great week

Grant