How Does One Deal With Internal Job Rejection?

Because I would really like to know.

I recently received somber news: I won't be promoted to the management position I spent two months applying and interviewing for. I get it, there can only be one acceptance. And I understand it's likely difficult for my own employer to tell me I won't be advancing in the agency, despite immense quantitative proof of my hard work and devotion to funding the program. If there were enough positions, I know I would've been given an opportunity; but there aren't. Management positions, which have a significant increase in salary funded by lower-level workers' billables, make up only 1/7th of the overall workforce in our program. So how do I deal with knowing my opportunity of rising above paycheck-to-paycheck wages, and finally proving my ever-expanding worth, has just been shot down?

A little background: I was never going to apply for this management position. My now-former boss left the position in mid-December, causing the program to open the vacancy for applications in late-December. I thought little of this situation, except that I was sad I was losing an amazing supervisor that supported me really well. I hoped that the person who fills her shoes would be someone I mesh well with. The end. However, three different coworkers in leadership positions reached out and asked if I was applying because, as they put it, I would be great at the job and I've proven myself. After the third rendition of this, I started thinking, "Damn, maybe I should apply for the position. Surely there are better candidates, but a big portion of the leadership team is telling me I would fit right in. Plus, actually making good money ($70k+) would be life-changing." Literally life-changing. Which is the hardest part of the rejection to grapple with. I wasn't just rejected the position; I was rejected a higher quality of life, but I digress.

I was interviewed three times - twice by roughly half of leadership, and once by just three coworkers in a final attempt to choose between me and one other person. Over the process, I prepared more than 20 pages of my accomplishments, goals, vision for the program, and more. Although I wasn't going to apply when the position opened, by the time I was to hear the decision I wanted it more than almost anything I had ever wanted. I wanted to improve the program for my employer because of how much they have provided for me. I wanted the opportunity to help the Developmental Disabilities community in a bigger way. I wanted to finally be paid what I'm worth, instead of receiving the crumbs that come out of the funding that I directly take from the State/Federal governments and feed into the program. Even as I'm writing this, I just want someone to see my worth and say, "Holy shit, you are a powerhouse that is consistently proving you deserve more." Because that's EXACTLY what I am. And that's not my cockiness talking - I make sure to be the hardest working person in the room because I grew up with constant rejection.

My father is a factory worker and my mother is an immigrant. I grew up in poor rural Texas with a crippling education system. My neighborhood didn't have sidewalks, so we played what we endearingly called "Human Frogger" when we walked to school or the store or the park. I helped take care of my aunt, who experiences Down Syndrome. I was a gay kid in the country, in Texas, in America. My dream was to attend Stanford University, although no one from my community ever attended a top tier school, let alone knew where they were located. I ended up not applying because the paperwork was $60 and I knew my family couldn't afford even a year of tuition.

I know rejection. It practically raised me.

But I know hope too. Maybe I didn't go to Stanford, but I still went to university as a first-generation college student, a child of first generation high school graduates. I attended the University of Texas at Austin on TWO full-ride scholarships, one for housing and one for tuition. I still cry thinking about the day I got the call telling me my family wouldn't need to assist me in funding my education. I was also automatically accepted into UT because of my high school GPA, something I worked incredibly hard on because I knew it was going to be the only way I rise out of my position the world gave me. I dedicated my education to receiving a Bachelors of Science in Social Services so I could work with people just like my aunt. I dedicated to my life to assisting those in positions similar to mine, and worse. Because we understand the phrase, "Life isn't fair." We're living proof.

My first job out of university was as a social service worker making $25,000 a year (in 2017). When I moved to Oregon, I accepted a job and made $30,000 in the 2018 tax year. $32,000 in 2019. $42,000 in 2020 (thank you, COVID-19 Unemployment Insurance Relief). I made $49,000 in 2021 and it feels like I'm the richest person who's ever lived. That is, if the richest person to ever live still needed a strict budget in order to have money leftover each month. Nevertheless, it's the richest I've ever been - and that means a lot to me. While slightly livable wages are absolutely unfair, I have immense gratitude because it's better than where I came from. And while I would have been forever indebted to my employer for giving me a $70k position, nothing was technically lost aside from hope.

Yes, the job was never mine to begin with. I would be naive to think I was a shoe-in, even though I positioned myself as such. Because life isn't fair. But I'm going to continue making sure I'm the hardest working person in any room I'm in because I know I have to try 10x harder to consistently lift myself into higher ranks. I won't stop.

I guess this is just my way of dealing with internal job rejection.

Click my signature to see the portfolio I used to apply for this position!

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