How Do You Work With Someone You Hate?

Animosity at work is not exclusively reserved for your boss.

It could be a colleague, who drives you up the wall as soon as they open their mouth? Maybe one of your clients abuses the fact that they are integral to the survival of your business? There might be an antagonistic bully sitting in another department, quietly planting land mines for you to unwittingly step on as you try to get things done.

Unfortunately, the workplace is full of unresolved conflicts and personal rivalries, so, while “hate” might seem like a strong word, you are likely to harbor deep feelings of dislike for at least a few individuals.

In a social setting it is so much easier to ignore these types of people, but at work it is often much more of a struggle. You waste valuable time and effort keeping your emotions in check and attempting to manage your responses. Fortunately, the more “emotionally stable” of us do somehow manage to escape coming to blows most of the time. Productive working relationships are possible anyone, even if you hate them with a passion.

Here are a few hints as to how to do it:

Lock it up inside. The moment that you share your frustrations with the world can set off a tidal wave of consequences. It is highly likely that there are others waiting to jump on the bandwagon, and they will gladly share your feelings with others as a way of justifying their own feelings. “X thinks this, and so do I” is the way that gossip quickly gets out of control. Don’t play that game. 

Focus on your behaviour. Your reaction is the one thing that you are able to fully control. If you focus on relaxing and letting difficult situations or behaviours “flow over you” until you can produce a measured response, you will avoid much of the emotional backlash that is initially so tempting. The right response will calm the situation, the wrong response will enflame it.

Understand why it bothers you. The whole “it’s not you, it’s me” thing is very much in play in these relationships. Disliking someone often says more about you than it does about them, and personal biases can often skew your judgement. Maybe this person is doing things that you don’t like, but does this make them an inherently bad person? Probably not. 

Get to know them. Do you know what, this is probably the most important piece of advice. When you reduce the distance in any relationship, more often than not, the relationship improves. Step into someone’s shoes to understand why they do certain things – the unique perspective will not only improve your relationships but your understanding of the world will become that little bit richer as well. 

Consider giving feedback. What is the worst that could happen? If you dislike their actions or their behaviours, it is likely that others will dislike them also. Does this person realise their impact on the world? If you “package” your constructive feedback in a gentle and helpful manner, most people will react positively in the long run, even if it doesn’t seem hugely welcome initially. Speaking up and disagreeing with someone shows that you care. 

If all fails, try not to care less. There will always be a few impossible people, who will never stop rubbing you up the wrong way. The first time you “turn a blind eye” is never easy, but once you get used to ignoring the idiots of this life, it really isn’t that hard to do. Swallow that reaction and just get on with your day. Don’t make your life about “them”, make it about “you.”

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