How do you want to be remembered?

I do not feel I can be the father, husband, and successful person I need to be right now. I need more time to do these three things right, first.

That was the start of a coaching session. I listened and asked what those things were and what made them important.

"I need to have a good job that can sustain my family," he replied. "I need to be able to overcome my fears so I avoid making mistakes." And finally, "I need to be able to be an expert on this topic so I can teach it to my son."

All of these items were stemming from fears of the future, the "what if" scenarios. I asked simple questions to make him reflect on what he said.

"What does having a good job mean to you? Tell me what it looks like. What does it mean to be able to provide for your family?"

"What needs to be in place before you feel you can overcome your fears?"

"What does being an expert look and feel like to you? Tell me more."

The reality of the matter was that the goal post was to be perfect. The other reality was also that there were no measurable goals for some of these items. When there is nothing measurable, how do you know when you have reached it and that you are in the right place? The issue with this is that we set ourselves goals that are either too long term so they become overwhelming or we set ourselves unrealistic goals.

"When will your son be able to notice what you do and if you are successful? How will he know?" It became apparent that this was only going to be multiple years from now. "What do you believe your son needs right now?"

This question started a thought process of feeling loved, cared for, feeling safe... none of the $ related questions, none of the work status, and none of the expertise and perfection we sometimes demand of ourselves.

It reminded me of my time as a child. Reflecting on my childhood, I realized what I truly remember. One clear image came to mind. When I came home from school, my mom would be there. She would start preparing dinner, and my dad would come home from the office to eat with us at the dinner table and we would talk about our day.

After dinner, my dad would rush off to the office again (he had his own company). I felt safe, I felt loved, I felt fed, and I felt listened to. I had no real idea what my dad or mom did at the time. They had work, but what they did was irrelevant. What did matter was that I saw that dinner was an important event to do as a family and my dad was working hard to provide for us. That is all. This is something I have carried with me to this day and it reminded me of the saying of Maya Angelou which you can see in this post.

How we make others feel is going to last much longer than anything we say or do. Honestly, I cannot remember what my previous leaders said or did, but I can remember exactly how they made me feel.

How do you want to be remembered?