How Do You Want to Feel? The Science of Emotional Choice

Have you ever asked yourself, "How do I want to feel today?"

As working women navigating careers, relationships, and the constant demands of modern life, we often let our emotions be dictated by external circumstances. But what if we could choose how we feel? Science suggests we can.

A recent study on emotion regulation across cultures found that how we manage our emotions is deeply influenced by our upbringing, values, and societal norms. For example, in Japan, people are less motivated to change unpleasant emotions, often accepting them as part of life. Meanwhile, in the United States, people actively seek to reduce negative feelings, focusing on personal happiness.

This raises an important question: Are you shaping your emotions, or are they shaping you?

Your Power to Choose

Many women believe emotions are something that "happen" to us. We feel overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious and assume these feelings are automatic reactions. But research in emotion regulation strategies shows that we have the ability to reshape how we feel—if we choose to.

For example: ? Cognitive reappraisal – Reframing a stressful situation to see it in a new light. Instead of thinking, “I failed at this project,” you might say, “I learned something valuable for next time.” ? Distraction – Shifting focus away from a negative emotion by engaging in an activity that brings joy. ? Seeking support – Talking to a mentor, friend, or coach to process emotions and gain perspective.

These strategies aren’t just about eliminating negative emotions—they’re about taking an active role in shaping your mindset and well-being.

Culture & Conditioning: What’s Holding You Back?

Depending on where we grew up, we may have been taught to suppress emotions, to always “be nice,” or to avoid confrontation. These subconscious cultural lessons can lead to emotional burnout, where we feel stuck in patterns of frustration, exhaustion, or self-doubt.

But here’s the truth: You are not bound by your conditioning.

Imagine waking up each morning and choosing how you want to feel. Maybe today, you want to feel calm, confident, and focused. Tomorrow, you might choose joy, excitement, and gratitude. You have that power—but it starts with intention.

3 Steps to Emotional Freedom

1?? Ask yourself daily: "How do I want to feel today?" Instead of letting emotions happen to you, decide ahead of time. If stress arises, remind yourself of your intention.

2?? Use emotion regulation strategies. If anxiety spikes before a big meeting, try deep breathing, a short walk, or shifting your perspective to see the opportunity, not the fear.

3?? Challenge cultural and personal conditioning. Ask yourself: Is this feeling serving me? If not, you have permission to change it.

Your Emotions, Your Choice

The way you feel is not just a reaction—it’s a decision. While culture, experiences, and habits play a role, you ultimately have the power to regulate, shift, and choose your emotions.

So today, ask yourself: How do I want to feel? Then, go out and create that feeling for yourself.

Call to Action: ? Ready to take control of your emotions? Share in the comments: How do YOU want to feel today? Visit my website www.keittinstitute.org to join our PowerHER community.