How do you treat yourself?

Your own oxygen mask, first? Or everyone and everything else’s???

Back in the day, ‘treating myself’ invariably meant one or all of the following:

·????? A mahoussive lie-in (like, the entire morning…) on a Saturday, with cups of coffee kindly brought up for me, with a bit of chick lit and sunshine – a total opt-out of everything, basically

·????? A glass – or two, or three – of something red and fruity with some soft tannins, or crisp, dry, and chilled, which could have been pink or white

·????? A visit to Monsoon for a bit of retail therapy – a couple of hundred pounds spend, maximum, not that often but relatively frequently in comparison to my life now

That was then.

I had a life then where I absolutely could not function without ‘treats’. The over-peopling, over-stressed, over-extended, over-EVERYTHING monster that was my life totally required them. The dopamine monster needed all those things.

This is now.

Now I know better, and I’m privileged to have been able to put that knowledge into action.

I DO better.

Today, it’s newsletter day and I didn’t even open this document to get started until 3.29… ??

But I have treated myself WELL. I have registered my NEEDS and acted upon the data. That’s relatively new for me.

I have:

·????? Arranged the stunning and beautifully perfumed lilies I bought myself yesterday in my gorgeous kitchen

·????? Had 35 minutes on the phone with my littl’un – WHO GOT HIS FIRST!!! (SO proud!!! He worked SO hard for it, I would’ve been gutted if he hadn’t got it, to be fair. Well done, Ol.??)

·????? Accomplished techie überNerd status by reconfiguring my WiFi amplifier that got knocked off the system when the electricity came back on during the build AND getting my printer back online so that I can send a Vinted parcel that needs a label (You think, what’s the big deal, right? I can hear you. I get it. But this is serious stuff for me! And I did it ALL BY MY OWN. Boom.)

·????? Eaten delicious Bircher with blackberries in the sunshine in my garden

·????? Messaged various friends on LinkedIn and WhatsApp to check in with them, see how they’re doing and generally be present in their world somehow, as I felt necessary

·????? Messaged various rellies wrt various gigs going on over the summer and in December – planning for success, get it?

·????? Been for a run (only a little one, but the first one’s always the tricky one, isn’t it, folks?!) Done 20 kettlebell squats, with the best tekkers I could muster

·????? Had a fragrant cup of coffee and a smidge of dark chocolate whilst listening to a podcast

·????? Played with the crazy girl in the garden and done some tidy-ups, as it’s still a bit of a builders’ yard in places

·????? Watered everything – pots, front and back, new lawn, greenhouse, raised beds…

·????? Got a wash on and tended to two sumptuous-smelling bowls of sourdough on the rise, that are going to be enjoyed at my drinks and nibbles party on Thursday

In other words, I have done the things that gave me joy. I gave myself what I needed, because I knew.

Most importantly, I HAVE ***NOT*** BEATEN THE CRUD OUT OF MYSELF FOR NOT HAVING STARTED MY NEWSLETTER TILL THIS POINT!

Because now I know better, I do better.

My ADHD brain couldn’t have started the newsletter for the simple reason that the Vinted label with its concomitant tech issues was preying on it, and munching up all my processing cycles. And I knew that my son was going to call at some point. And I find it really hard to function when my environment’s in a mess.

So, I’ve got this far, but it’s DEFINITELY cup of tea time, with all that glorious sunshine spilling its joy everywhere in my bit of South Wales today, before I go and collect the crazy one from her daycare date with her buddies...

The flowers were the thing that triggered this topic in my neurospicy brain.

Mel Robbins’ podcast yesterday was all about flowers. (If you’ve never listened to Mel, you should, IMHO. Here’s your link: Mel and flowers . She is part of my mental health regime. It works – I’ve never felt better, stronger, and more in charge of my life, despite some personal sadness at the moment.)

I buy myself flowers every week now, because I recognise my requirement to have a bunch somewhere in my house, as well as curating the garden outside. Many studies will highlight how much benefit both plants and flowers INSIDE and a gardening habit outside bring to humans – Mel highlights these in this episode.

The flowers are a token; they’re me, saying to myself, ‘Lois, I’m addressing your needs here, because I care about you, and I want you to thrive and flourish, and I appreciate you for the amazing woman that you’re becoming. In fact, I totally love you. Have these beautiful flowers for all those reasons, and more.’

I’m 55, and it’s taken me this long to get to this point.

I treat myself with respect. I don’t always get it right – and when I get it wrong, I deal with the fallout, which might be an emotional downswing or a state of exhaustion, depending on what’s gone on, and I forgive myself – so much more quickly than I ever used to.

Self-compassion’s the way forwards, folks.

It’s not a mandate for ‘anything goes’, no way.

It’s me, giving myself the treatment I’d give to anyone I held in esteem – and that’s the rest of humanity, for me.

Why would I treat myself as a second-class citizen? I would never do it to anyone else – why is such cavalier treatment ok for me?

IT ISN’T OK – FOR ME, OR FOR YOU.

Now I know better, I do better.

Working with a new client this week who wants to kick ass. (It’s joyous – thank you, if you’re reading this! ??)

Because you’re an amazing, incredible, wonderful human being who needs all the up-to-date knowledge of what does actually constitute health?

You want the clarity that comes with just being TOLD what to prioritise and how to make it happen? (I’m not a fascist – it’s a negotiation, don’t panic!)

You want to cut through the chaos that is your day-to-day, and make some sense of YOU?

I’m here for all of it, and that's exactly why I created my 10-week programme, Replenish. Jump into my DMs and let’s go crazy! (Yup, listening to Prince as I type… ?? Though I have varied tastes. Humans LOVE variety.??)

See you next time – thanks for reading! ??