How do you talk about a toxic work experience with a prospective employer or client?

Though there are plenty of examples these days that show people presenting their former employers in a poor light, you might feel a bit sheepish to criticize.

You’ve always heard the advice to keep things professional because it shows you can rise above situations for the greater good and keep troublesome situations that seemed personalized off topic.

But… what if those problems were indeed, truly personal, petty and downright toxic? You may feel the need to share details as they are compelling to your story.

Whatever the case might be, I’m of the belief that you should feel like you can talk about a crappy employer, boss, or work situation. And hey, you can do so in whatever way you’d like because people have the agency to portray themselves as they wish.

That said, it’s important to realize the need to be accountable for the messages, interactions, comments you share, especially in these kinds of tricky conversations.

Although it might seem tempting to speak ill of your former employers, it's essential to keep your focus on the long game and maintain decorum, especially in these professional conversations.

Here are three things to consider when addressing these discussions effectively:

• Focus on the challenges first rather than the people

Initiate your account by discussing the challenges you faced in the toxic work environment instead of targeting specific individuals. Frame the issue around essential details that set the context.

For example, while it may be true that there was a personality conflict between you and your manager, you’d want to focus on talking about the negative impact on broader work themes, such as challenges with team communication, the quality of the products created, or the ability to meet client delivery standards on time.

Keep personal conflicts and negative emotions out of it as best you can, focusing instead on the flawed behaviors or conflicts that clashed with your expectations. This will show your ability to navigate challenging situations without seeming overly negative.

• If you must talk about the people

Sometimes you can’t avoid talking about a toxic work situation without mentioning the people involved. If you find yourself in this situation, explain the conflicts as differences in approach rather than making it about someone’s character.

After pointing out the disconnect, you can share the impact it had on you by describing your emotions and observations. Consider using diplomatic language, such as "I was very disappointed to see that my manager didn’t reply to any of my multiple requests for a second review” instead of labeling them a certain way right out the gate.

• Reflect on the situation

Lastly, you’ll want to share what you’ve learned from the experience.

Certainly, you can discuss how these situations affected your job performance and growth, but beyond that… share how the experience shaped what you expect of a future employer, the people you work alongside, in addition to the management leading the way.

For example, you could say, "In my previous role, I found that a lack of clear communication sometimes made tasks challenging. However, it taught me the importance of clarity and assertiveness in a team, and what I hope for in the leaders I report to. "

By framing the conversation in this way, you're showcasing your ability to professionally navigate tense situations with grace and reflection. It's also about learning from past experiences as it is about resilience. When discussing previous difficulties at a job, remember we are accountable for the way we describe our experiences and that creates an impression of your professional persona with others.

??Have you gone through a difficult work situation? Have you felt challenged in describing the experience to a future employer or client?? I’d love to know - please comment below.??

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