How do you respond to your Partnership Failures?

I swayed into the ocean of new professional interactions, relationships, and experiences in the last 15 months much more than ever before, post my regular corporate engagement journey ending in 2018. It seemed like having missed something significant all through. Alas, I also got distanced from some 'hopeful and supposedly the reliable ones'.

I discovered myself to be amazingly resourceful and creative in founding newer platforms-of-hope but, soon beheld many crumbling down – for sure, I was building castles in the air with no robust underpinning; Or, I was aiming for sky-scrapers without the scaffolding.

Several of my new interactions/relationships lasted only a few days or months but, gave me enough to know what brings-and-binds people together to work with & for each other. The moment of a partnership arises out of proximity, common purpose, emotional/ mental/ material dependence, chance encounters, social mingling and plays an amoeboid-ic role in forging new relationships and cementing/fracturing/dismantling the existing ones. Most of the professional relationships, in particular, are dynamic and pre-programmed to keep getting redefined/reshaped all the time – the physics of fusion-and-fission is best reflected in the chemistry of our relationships. 

Today, I realize much more genuinely that the principles of ever Expanding-Universe apply very strongly to the relationships not grounded well and the ones, which are flimsy and opportunistic – most of these oscillate and gravitate a lot before falling apart and finally disappear into some black-hole, without a whiff, leaving behind a trail of pain and remorse.

Most of us get into relationships with a sanguine hope of good rather than by formulating designs and planning well. But-Does it matter so much? Will the best design on our count could still guarantee the success of our partnerships? Most probably not! It's a myth that we can control every time, all the time, all the successes and failures - few yes, but, all not. While partnerships are not so much about their 'design & structure' but, their failures do have the reasons embedded in the design itself.

Regardless, after each failure, I too faced a paradoxical choice of i) to begin a usual ‘Sickening Mourning’ filled with criticism for ex-partners/associates/bosses/friends-turned-foes/ well-wishers-turned-naysayers/hostile’ or, ii) to rise again and welcome a new dawn. Wisdom needs to prevail upon again & again and we need to stick to saying ‘Good Morning’ every time we fail - we could always sense far more relieved, energized and charged up for newer pastures. A worthy rival, and not a partner, can propel us in a way the few others can - not even our mentors, coaches.

Owe to all who connect with me - to share a dozen thoughts on Partnership Failure Management. Hope, it helps those getting in or out of partnerships.

 1. Partnerships – 'Eternally exists’ but hardly 'survives lifetime'

Partnerships are universal and been there forever. Wish it or not, partnerships happen and are just unavoidable. Partnerships are meant to create a symphony among those having varied strengths (or limitations) and need but, still having ‘one shared purpose'. Believe me, finding an ideal/true partner is either a mythical adventure or a moment of great discovery. But, for sure, managing partnerships is both an art and a science - few have it already: few can definitely learn and excel: and, the rest may only have the potential to discover it in their good times.

2. Be 'Passionate but not Obsessed' about Partner(s) and Partnership(s)

Be passionate about making it work regardless of mounds of obstacles one faces. But, do not be obsessed and overly reliant on one specific partner(s). It is essentially not one- spouse, one-parents, one-best friend kind of phenomenon or syndrome to dedicate one’s whole life to.

Almost all are solely working for themselves, as much as you are working for yourself. Rest assured, others don’t mind abandoning you or manipulating your ousting the moment their purpose is served. It hurts but need not become your concern as it is their journey of managing a balance between their worldly needs, priorities on one side and moral, ethical standards on the other.

You may never know what some pressing needs of theirs may be constraining them to value the virtues of partnership with you far lesser than you wished it to be. It may be exhausting for them as well. Everybody has his or her way of behaving or conducting himself - whether you choose to respect it or not, it does not matter to anyone else-should it matter to you either? You need to find the better means and thus, the 'new-partners' for yourself who reflect closely with your moral values and resonate with your life standards. Those who do not change do not advance.

 3. Save the ‘Toppings for the Last”

Don’t serve your best contacts, resources, best friends, family secrets to the new partners on a platter. Some people are masters in chewing the gum and leaving behind the stickiness on you to clean up. Emotional fools, amidst cut-throat times, are bound to meet their dead-end sooner than later sometimes even aided by Con-Men. Their good intentions of investing 'their best' in partnership business and maintaining a mythical notion of Super-Trust can never land them in paradise either – it will be hellish to face consequences of emotional recklessness for life. Invest in relationships at ‘one-slice at a time’ pace and 'save the best for the right time'. ‘Emotional Capitalization’ needs to be balanced in any business very diligently and need not precede the others'. Vanquish the desire to be super good to all be an ideal open person-in real world, many Con-Men, bullies are on the lookout for their easy prey.

 4. 'Reflect for Learning' but don’t 'Mourn the Failure - Expect Nothing and Appreciate everything.

Investigate, reflect on failures but, don’t mourn beyond a few minutes, hours, days - it is neither helpful nor progressive. You may find marooned in your mourning while some may be rejoicing your failure. Rather, cherish the memorable moments from your shining past to energize your surroundings – be mindful that your family, friends too are the stakeholders in your pain and agony- our families don’t deserve to earn pain-points from us, for no fault of theirs.

5. What Can’t be Cured must be Endured

Don’t EVER feel guilty for yourself if your conscience is pure and clear. The last thing you need now is to curse ‘yourself’. Your-self is not going to support you if it is jilted, humiliated and not honored in crisis by yourself. Help 'your-being'. Guilt-prison may need to be gifted to the partners alone.

6. Don’t 'Catapult your own Falling' – 'Failure is not Falling'

Catch early signs-and-signals of upcoming failures and mitigate the risk through a Course Correction and Abandonment. Don’t believe in ‘Hope against Hope’. ‘Things will Correct one day soon on their own’, ‘Time will Take Care’ 'Let you try again' kind of numerous cliché sermons especially, whispered by near & dear ones – this all leads to a Decision Trap. Gone is GONE-Move on. Let it go now.

7. ‘Count’ but do not ‘Mount’ your losses

Mental, emotional losses seek peace and remedy from within yourself. You don’t have to go around fuming and ranting about it-'You' will look ugly and bad. Sometimes, one can share it with a true mentor or those who mattered or those in aware of ‘what happened’ -but, you still need to march on. Success may be waiting for you – focus on that ‘next-best’ first.

Should you find the damage being substantial and leading to immense material loss, find an amicable way to resolve. Nonetheless, if the stakes are even higher, don’t be emotional and doubtful about seeking arbitration and mediation.

Never ever let your ‘potential losses’ outweigh your ‘potential gains’. It may not be worth pursuing what is not going to be relevant for you. Be practical – weigh your risks first and then act. Maybe, you need to resort to ‘Hard Stop and Hard Let Go.’ ‘Lost is not Found’.

8. Focus on your own ‘Karma’ and Don’t be 'Revengeful'

Light up Gita teachings right at your face – “Virtuous and Vicious cycles of Karmas take care of partner’s deeds and misdeeds in any case”. It is not your responsibility to ‘Reset the Value System’ for those who have chosen not to see the brightness in you. You can’t force it on them in any case.

Don't let the wave of anger wash over you forever. Inoculate yourself against insecurity, a feeling of outdoing and reacting to the gloating smile of your associates.

Give leeway to their shortsightedness which is not able to see the multiplier goodness in you and the potential opportunities you could bring on the table. Maybe, someone else deserves you more or you will stand even taller on your own OR it doesn't matter at all in any case now.

9.   Don’t 'Vent out your Dents' with the lost partners– they are the ones who have given it in first place

Don’t empty out your emotions in front of a worthless and unethical partner as you have no chance of even being heard and cared for, by him. Hold your emotions to yourself and use them to strengthen and straighten up yourself. You have done it before -You will do it again. It’s a time of knowing ‘to not to invest in anybody So much to mean Too much for you’.

10. Relish the ‘Good’ and Polish for the ‘Better’

Relish the good moments of a partnership and try to ignore the hurts and pains it might have brought on you. It is not nourishing for you. Also, curb the desire like some divorcees' experience to relive with exes’ as it is not practical and may damage you beyond repairs. All Coal is not Diamond.

11. Be ‘Grateful’ and stand as a ‘Great’

Be grateful to others who were no less important and backed you up in good-and-bad. They tried for you. It is their loss as well. They too need to be honored as it was consequent to their journey too. Let them, at least, be not left with bitter memories of their good Karmas. They did enact their Dharma to suit your own choices and desires – do not lens through everything as ‘drama/fake/conspiracy’ – that is belittling the universe around you. The universe is challenging but wants you to survive and thrive.

12. ‘Measure’ and ‘Move’

Lastly, estimate your FLQ quotient (Failure Learning Quotient) on your scale - ‘Highest-Level’ corresponding to the ‘Worst’ you can endure. Take a Stride further for the next learning. It is just knocking at your door. Open a new window, a new door and a new Good morning awaits you.

Dinesh Kr Jain

+919850833062

[email protected]