How Do You Respond When Tragedy Strikes And Blindsides You Out Of The Blue?

As part of the human race, you will undoubtedly experience tragedy in your life.

It may be the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, a terrible car accident, or a divorce, and the list is endless.

I've had my share of life-threatening emergencies. They include being bitten by a venomous rattlesnake on a hike outside of Phoenix, Arizona; contracting malaria when I was teaching in a remote village in Kenya, East Africa while serving in the United States Peace Corps Volunteer; getting misdiagnosed with a burst appendix and coming within 24 hours of dying from peritonitis; and lastly perhaps the most unusual was being crushed to death riding in a boxcar after a college friend of mine and a few beers inspired us to try that stunt!

The question for all of us is what we do when tragedy strikes. Initially, we will likely go into shock, but then we need to act.

We all know and have heard about "posttraumatic stress syndrome."

But I assure you that it is also possible to experience "posttraumatic growth."

The quality of our existence will likely be judged by how we respond when knocked to the ground and whether we get back up.

So, here's my proposed rule of thumb that you can embed in your memory and may prove valuable someday.

1. It's okay to grieve and even cry. That's a natural human reaction. But don't start blaming yourself or second-guessing how it happened. You cannot change the past; obsessing over what happened often leads to people getting depressed. Tell your brain NO whenever one of those negative thoughts comes to you.
2. Do not let anger drive your reaction. Of course, you'll be angry, but you should not act accordingly. As William Shakespeare eloquently said in one of his plays: "Anger is a dish best served cold."

A more contemporary take was from Lee Iacocca, the President of Ford Motor Company, who, when he was fired, remembered what his dad told him: "Don't get mad, just get even."

Anger can only end up hurting you.

When that rattlesnake bit me, I was tempted to whack him to death with my hiking poles since he was still within reach. Later in the emergency room, the toxicologist congratulated me for not reacting that way because she said: "I've treated victims who have been bitten several times by the same rattlesnake"!

1. If it's an emergency, take a deep breath and quickly assess your alternatives. A friend and I were coming into Great Falls, Montana after we had jumped on that boxcar from Glacier Park, Montana, where we had been working. The boxcar my friend and I were riding in was filled with lumber. The train's vibrations forced that lumber to compress our space, forcing us to decide whether to risk staying compressed to death on the train or jumping off into the unknown. We assessed the alternatives and decided that staying put translated into a 90% chance we would not survive. Jumping off the train looked like a 50-50 proposition. So we leaped. I ended up with a dislocated finger but lived to tell the story.
2. If you have the luxury of time, analyze what caused the tragedy. Do not exempt yourself. Ask the hard question: could I have been the cause of this tragedy? That's not easy. Early in my law career, I handled some divorce work before I went into leading businesses. I was stunned by how often couples had come to the brink of divorce because a couple's fight had dramatically escalated. Neither was willing to admit they might have been wrong. But I also saw couples reconcile when they came to their senses and realized one of the other had contributed to the stalemate by their conduct.
3. Do not try to solve it alone. You cannot be objective when you have been dealt a body blow. Reach out to friends and colleagues, even consultants or perhaps a psychiatrist, to get other perspectives on a path forward. This could extend to losing a loved one by joining a group to share the pain.

1. Start a lengthy list of proposed solutions that might resolve the problem and set you on a path toward recovery. Avoid the typical American reaction to a problem: "Shoot, ready, aim." Resist your desire to move quickly to solve the problem. Continue to grow your list of possible solutions.

1. Once you have decided on a course of action, give it your all, but do not fall in love with your solution. Rather, continue to test it in a variety of ways to determine if it actually is going to work. When I was in the emergency room, where I burst the appendix, the doctors released me because they thought I just had the flu. So, I lived with a bad case of the flu for almost a week before I concluded maybe that diagnosis was not the right one! I turned myself in the emergency room. Luckily, my primary care physician was on duty and quickly diagnosed me with a burst appendix. I was put on the operating table within hours; otherwise, I would not be writing this newsletter.

I watched numerous entrepreneurs fall head over heels with their new product or service to the point they were unwilling to pivot in a new direction. This is something that happens to those who lead businesses. They have their habits, and they would rather rearrange chairs on the deck of the Titanic than look for a better alternative.

None of these rules of thumb guarantees a perfect solution, but they provide a framework that creates hope as you move forward.