How Do You Rate Your Speaking Skills?

Have you ever thought of how you communicate with the people around you? The natural thought is, you start to think how you speak or how you write. But communication is far more than speaking and writing. In fact, you are always communicating with people around. None verbal communication accounts for up to 90% of what people receive from you. So, before you start to speak people have already formed an opinion of you.

The dictionary has a number of definitions for communication. They include:

·        The imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium.

·        A letter or message containing information or news.

·        The successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.

There are more definitions of communication that relate to technology. However, all of these definitions rely on two things. The first is that the provider of information is clear and precise, the second is that the receiver of the information interprets the information and has the same understanding as the giver of the information. If one of these pieces is missing, then there is a strong chance of miscommunication. Therefore, we need to be very careful of both what we communicate and how we communicate.

As an example, have you thought about how you greet people when you first meet them? Do you smile (none verbal), offer your hand for a handshake (none verbal), walk towards them (none verbal) and say “Hello nice to meet you”. As you can see the person you are meeting will have an opinion of you before you actually speak.

Speaking is the first thing that we normally think about when we discuss communication. The words we use and how we use them is very important.  The words we use are developed from an early age. As we go through life our work, role, education and local community influence how we speak and the words that we use. When we speak, we are therefore not only communicating the words we are also communicating where we are from, our level of education, the type of organisation we work for and our role within that organisation. Clearly as we speak we are communicating far more than we think we are.

There are some things that we should do if we want to be seen as a good speaker:

·        Talk slowly. Typically, good talkers don't rush into a conversation. By talking slowly you will give your audience more time to understand what you are saying and time to formulate questions that will give them are far better understanding of what you are trying to communicate.

·        Hold eye contact. When people talk, they tend to hold eye contact for less time than when they are listening. Therefore, people notice if you are not holding eye contact and see this as either avoiding them or that you are hiding something. So, when speaking to an individual or small group it is vital to have eye contact. This communicates that you are interested in them as well as the subject you are discussing.

·        When people react to what you are saying, either verbally or none verbally make a mental note or, where appropriate, ask if they would like to contribute to the conversation.

·        By reacting to someone’s comments or questions you are demonstrating that their opinion is valued. This will enhance your reputation as a good speaker.

·        There is nothing worse than speaking to someone when they appear to be reading from a script. Speaking without showing any emotion leads people to view the discussion as boring. If we are passionate about a subject, we will naturally express our emotions. 

·        Anecdotes are a great way of reinforcing your point. Offering insights into a subject will demonstrate your understanding. But be careful not to totally dominate the conversation or discussion.

·        Know your audience and use the best words. It seems obvious but the best words to use depend on the topic of conversation and the people you are addressing. Addressing a group of students with complex acronyms from your industry might well demonstrate your knowledge but it is unlikely that they will see you as a good speaker. But on the other hand, using simple language to a group of experienced and skilled colleagues will not go down well either. 

There are a number of different situations where we are speaking they include formal and informal one on one discussions, speaking to a large group, speaking on the telephone, and public speaking. Each of these situations requires different skills there are times when we move naturally from one situation to another, but we should think about how our message is being received in each of these situations and adjust where necessary. One common attribute for all these situations is the ability to listen and adjust your speech to reflect what you have heard.

Formal meetings. You should always prepare for a formal meeting. Knowing the subjects that you are to discuss and being prepared will demonstrate you speaking prowess.

Informal meetings. Speaking at an informal event gives you a great opportunity to express yourself. Be self-aware of what you are saying and who you are saying it to. Be aware of the none verbal responses to your points and check to see if everybody understands your points. But, don’t be overpowering, don’t let your enthusiasm get carried away.

One on one discussions. Speaking to a person is something we do every day, many times. We tend to do this on autopilot. The next time you are having a conversation become aware of the other person’s body language, really listen to what they are saying and when you are speaking be aware of your pace, volume and tone. This might sound a lot for you to do, but with practise it will become second nature. In other words’ the process of assessing how the other person is reacting to what you are saying will pass to your subconscious.

Speaking to a large group. Speaking to a large people is different to presenting to a large group of people. This is where you have some information that you want to communicate but there are no slides or props. The audience focuses on you. Remember that 90% of communication is none verbal and you will set the tone for your speech before you start speaking. To set a positive tone you should stand up straight, look confident, smile, and look your audience in the eye. Pick a few people out and smile at them. Take a deep breath and start speaking, slowly.

Speaking over the internet. Having discussions over the internet is becoming more common. When we use systems with no visual capability the skills we use when speaking on the telephone are similar to those we use when speaking on the internet. There are times when we are speaking to many people on the internet such as when we host a webinar. When you are speaking to many people you should always check if your message is being heard and keep asking your audience questions that relate to the points that you are presenting. Most webinars use some sort of presentation technique which gives you audience an idea of the points you are making. However, don’t make your slides too busy and whatever you do don’t read from the slides as this will turn your audience off. The use of the chat facility to check if your message is being understood will help ensure your audience receive your message.

Speaking on the telephone. Speaking on the telephone is something we do every day without too much thought. When speaking on the telephone the pace, volume and tone of your speech is vital. Because your body language cannot be assessed the person at the other end of the telephone can only judge your message through your voice. This often leads to miscommunication. A skilled speaker will ask the other person to summarise the content of the conversation which will ensure that our message is being understood. 

Public Speaking. There are many books and videos on the internet that offer help when you are being asked to speak at an event. There are a few techniques that are common to most of the advice offered. They include:

o  It is natural to be nervous

o  Know your subject

o  Know your audience

o  Tell them what you are going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you have told them.

o  Know where you will be presenting

o  Know the tools you will be expected to use

o  Know your timings

o  Practise

o  Use props in proportion to your speech

o  Before you start take a few deep breathes

o  Don’t speak too quickly

o  Pauses are very powerful

o  Reading from slides puts an audience off

o  Anecdotes, where relevant, are very powerful

o  If you want a message to be heard, you will need to repeat it at least 6 times.

It is also important to understand how you or those that you are communicating with can put up barriers when you are speaking. There are some natural barriers that we all use. Sometimes these methods are great especially when you want to move to close the conversation, however, most will simply stop the person you are speaking with from communicating openly. The more you understand these barriers the more you can use them to understand the person you are communicating with.  

Here are 7 Communication Blockers:

1.      Interrupting shows you aren’t interested in what someone is saying. The person you are speaking to will stop expressing their views which is fine if you want to ensure your position is understood but not if you want to understand where the other person is coming from.

 2.      “Why” questions. They tend to make people defensive. By asking “why” you are asking the other person to justify their point. This can be used very effectively if you use it to clarify a point if you acknowledge what was said and ask the person speaking to continue. But constantly asking “why” will quickly bring a conversation to a halt.

 3.      Quick reassurance, saying things like, “Don’t worry about that.” This can be very dismissive you haven’t acknowledged that the speaker has a valid point. 

 4.      Advising “I think the best thing for you is to …….” Your advice may well be valid but prior to offering it always ask what the speaker would suggest. A better way to advise is to say “Would you consider……?”

 5.      Digging for information and forcing someone to talk about something they would rather not talk about. Look out for the other persons body language. If they start to look away or to fidget, then you should understand that they are uncomfortable about what is being said. There are times when you should look to probe further. However, you should always ask their permission to do that. A great way of doing that is to say “I am getting the impression that this is making you feel uncomfortable, do you mind if we explore that subject a little deeper”? Always respect the answer if the answer is no then stop. There will be other occasions when you can broach the subject again.

6.      Patronising “You poor thing, I know just how you feel.” People don’t react well when they feel they are being looked down on.  

7.      Preaching “You should. . .” Or, “You shouldn’t. . .” During a discussion people are not always looking for a solution. Often, they just want to ensure that their point is being heard. Before you start to offer advice, you should make sure you understand and agree on the points that are being made. It is never a good idea to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do. A better approach would be to ask them what solution they would suggest. If there is no obvious answer a good response would be “Have you considered …..?

 As with all forms of speaking the pace of your delivery, the volume and the tone are very important. But remember up to 90% of communication is none verbal and so the way you stand, the expression on your face, the way you look at the audience, and the way you use hand gestures are all just as important.