HOW DO YOU MAKE SOMEONE FEEL?

Do you ever stop to ask yourself, “how are you making others feel”? If not, try it now. 

 Take a moment to look at yourself from above and replay an interaction with someone you know. Observe your body language and speech. Take another moment and replay an interaction with a stranger. Do you establish eye contact? Do you smile? Say hello? Are you abrupt? No present? Quickly dismissive and do you rush on to the next part of your day? 

 Checking in with yourself and asking some of these questions is a great way to practice empathy and foster human connection, two qualities integral to enriching our roles as leaders and human beings travelling side by side on our journeys.

 Most of you have probably seen this quote 

 “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”– Maya Angelou 

I have this quote hanging in three different places in my office; it is that important to me, particularly the last line which I think is the most important- how you make people feel. For me, this ultimately translates into trying to get people to feel that they have been seen and that they matter. I always want to leave someone feeling better/brighter/more inspired than then did when we first were saying hello. How empowering is it for someone to feel seen in a world in which we are constantly rushing onto the next better thing. Taking a moment and connecting with another person on some common ground makes all the difference. 

 And so, when people come into my office, or on screen now as we are all virtual, my key objective is to really see them, so that 15 minutes or half an hour later, when we are complete, the only thing that matters is that they feel something and they feel better. They sense that there is movement; I have taken action, and that action will help them move from A to C. 

Action is really important, however it doesn’t need to be some big gesture. How do you make someone feel? That feeling is the most important thing that we can concentrate on and use to make a huge difference in others' lives. 

 It's so easy to choose comfort over courage. This life is about bringing people together rather than choosing an easy street. That is not to say that we must dive into others’ emotional state at the expense of our own well-being nor cross anyone’s boundaries. How we make ourselves feel is primary, always. For how can we give anything to others when our own cup is not full? However, once you’ve got that sorted, how you make others feel is what counts. Once you have the ability to truly hold space and give freely of your attention and a bit of your brain space, choosing to not opt-in and be a part of this great journey with others is a real honor to me. Being invited in, walking alongside… 

Create space. Give someone our attention. Every single one of us has the capability of extending a hand and building a bridge instead of a wall. Doesn’t matter who you voted for, how smart you are, your status or how tall you are, we can all give someone attention. And attention is, I think, that purest form of generosity. It helps others feel special, braver, worthy and deserving. And everyone deserves to be seen that way. 

 “That's what I consider true generosity: You give your all, and yet you always feel as if it costs you nothing.” ― Simone de Beauvoir