How Do You Know You've Found The One? Here Are 7 Signs!

??????The quest to find love can be both exhilarating and daunting. Between figuring out how to meet someone, to having a relationship- there are so many ways to get tripped up. But the complications don’t stop once you’re in a relationship, because now you have to figure out how to know you've found "the one".

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Imagine Nancy, a woman in her late thirties, wrestling with the complexities of her relationship with Barry. They've been together for a year, but doubt still lingers in Nancy's mind. She would like to be married with a family and is wondering if Barry is truly the partner she can share her life with. And if she is uncertain, should she break up with Barry? This question echoes in the hearts of many seriously searching singles, prompting them to look for ways to clarify their situation- for signs that they have found the one.

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As a seasoned relationship coach, I've had the privilege of helping many clients in their search for love. Through their stories, I've gained insight into the signs that indicate the presence of a marriage-minded partner vs. a partner that is not the one for them. If you are also wondering if a new partner is a keeper, consider these 7 signs that signify a lasting connection, and that possibly, you’ve found the one!

1. There is a feeling of "Home" One unmistakable sign of a deep connection is the feeling of home that exists within the relationship. The relationship is comfortable and familiar. Often described as knowing that this person is "the one", it’s like you have known the person your whole life. It’s so easy to talk to one another. Couples feel they can be themselves and are loved as they are. As singer/songwriter Tauren Wells puts it in his song "Known", it’s "To be known, fully known and [still] loved…" As you consider a potential partner, ask yourself this- "If this person knew the real me, would they still love me?" If the answer isn’t a confident yes, they might not be the one. Because either, you feel the need to play a part instead of being yourself, or because they simply don’t allow you to feel comfortable as you are. For Nancy and Barry's relationship, if there is an absence of this sense of home, it may be a signal of underlying issues that need to be addressed. Are there unresolved conflicts or unmet needs that get in the way of emotional intimacy? Is either partner dealing with insecurity or trauma that keeps them from opening up? Or, is someone still playing a game and hasn’t fully committed to the relationship? As a Relationship Coach, these are the types of questions we uncover to know if someone is truly "the one".

2. There is a Flow Another sign of a healthy relationship is the presence of an easy flow. We see this in couples who finish each other’s sentences or who say that "time just flies" when they are together. These couples just get along well, their interactions seem fluid, and spending time getting to know each other isn’t complicated. Yes, relationships take work, but when there is flow it’s joyous work!

Couples with good flow seem to have many shared activities, mutual interests, and communicate easily- they naturally understand one another and enjoy growing together. For Nancy and Barry, exploring activities within their mutual passions and interests could serve as a jumping-off point for deepening their connection. Whether it's embarking on a new adventure together or engaging in meaningful conversations, creating moments of flow can reignite the spark of intimacy and renew their bond. The concept of flow is true both in and out of the bedroom!

3. You are able to laugh together and have fun Laughter has long been understood as a sign of healthy relationships, strengthening bonds and emotional connections. In romantic relationships, shared laughter is a significant indication of compatibility. These couples enjoy being with each other and get each other’s jokes. They may not have exactly the same humor, but they can at least appreciate each other’s humor. And they feel safe being silly with each other- my husband and I would blow straw wrappings at each other like a couple of kids!?

Not only is it a green flag when a person doesn’t take themselves too seriously and can enjoy lighthearted interactions, but couples that share an open sense of humor may be able to navigate the ups and downs of a relationship more easily.

For Nancy and Barry, embracing moments of humor and spontaneity may fill their relationship with joy and vitality. Whether it's sharing inside jokes, engaging in playful banter, or embarking on lighthearted adventures, prioritizing laughter can foster a sense of connection and resilience in a relationship.

4. You are each other’s best friend At the heart of every enduring relationship lies a deep friendship with a sense of trust, loyalty, and mutual respect. Best-friend couples know their partner will be there for them through thick and thin and can be counted on, no matter what. They aren’t afraid to be vulnerable with each other and want to share everything- the good and the bad. And they are always excited to see their partner walk in the door.

Nancy and Barry can work to strengthen their relationship by nurturing their friendship and practicing trust. With open communication, active listening, and having shared experiences, they can build a sense of emotional intimacy that lasts beyond the romance.

5. You both act in a "we" way rather than a "me" way These couples make decisions that benefit the relationship instead of only the individual. They share life goals and work together towards them. They care about how their actions affect each other and the relationship as a whole. They choose to be intentional in their communication and have a deep trust of, and respect for, their partners.

In the context of Nancy and Barry's relationship, they may need to take the time to discuss their individual goals and dreams and discern whether their visions for the future are compatible. By engaging in honest conversations about their long-term goals, they can make mutual decisions that will strengthen their unity.

6. You are able to handle uncertainty and embrace growth together Even though the early days of a relationship may be filled with romance, excitement, and laughter, it’s important to remember that all relationships evolve over time.

When challenging moments arise, couples need to take note of how they handle their issues. Are they each open to communication and able to work together? Does one partner get defensive or withdrawn? Do they push the problem aside, avoiding it and hoping it will just go away?

It takes courage to embrace uncertainty and trust to work together for a resolution. For Nancy and Barry, navigating the uncertainties of their relationship requires openness, vulnerability, and a willingness to embrace growth. But if they are willing to have honest conversations, understand each other's needs and desires, and work towards win-win solutions, they can find depth and intimacy on the other side.

7. There is a mutual willingness to seek guidance and support Relationships take work and as I’ve said before, it’s not always going to be easy. When problems arise are both partners willing to look for solutions?

Seeking guidance from trusted mentors, therapists, or relationship coaches can provide invaluable support and perspective. When emotions are high, a third party, who is able to observe the situation from outside, can often see problems or solutions that the couple cannot. If a partner is unwilling to seek out, or embrace help, this might be a signal that they are also unwilling to fully invest in the future of the relationship. They just aren’t willing to do the work.

As Nancy contemplates the future of her relationship with Barry and recognizes the importance of seeking support from a trusted, experienced relationship coach, is she willing to bring him into the process? And if she is, is he willing to participate? A willingness to be vulnerable and "do what it takes", says a lot about how committed each of them truly are to the long-term health of the relationship.

When all these signs are in place, it is natural to want to take the next step towards a greater commitment and even marriage! Does your relationship or partner have to score 100% in every area I’ve listed? Not necessarily- but beware of someone who doesn’t measure up in several of these areas.

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Just like you want to be seen and loved for who you are, so does your partner. So, ask yourself how much grace you are willing to give. Do you both possess a willingness to grow in the areas where your relationship falls short? A desire to grow, learn, evolve, or seek help indicates a willingness to fight for love. That’s a good thing.

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For Nancy, however, she realized that several of these signs were missing from her current relationship, and it became clear that there were critical issues between her and Barry. Only then did she decide to move on and find someone better suited to her, rather than hoping that things would turn around. This wasn’t the easy path, but she was determined not to settle for anything less.

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In the end, the quest for "The One" isn’t just about finding a perfect partner. It’s about finding the one in whom you can find intimacy, belonging, honesty, vulnerability, respect, trust, and fun in the pursuit of genuine, lasting love.

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As always, if you continue to have hesitations or other relationship questions, let’s talk. I’ve helped many of my clients gain clarity about their current partners; are they "the one" or one that’s "almost, but not quite?"

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Wishing you the best in your search for the right one!

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Coach Amy