How do you know who to trust?

Isn't it hard to know who to trust these days? Everybody says they're authentic. Everybody is saying they can help. Everybody is saying that they’re the next best thing since sliced bread. Are they though? How do you know who to trust??

The thing is, your brain reflects on the past in order to decide decisions of now, that then impact the future. So consequently, if you've been let down, or kidded, or upset, or hurt or conned, even in the past, then that's what's going to happen in your brain when you try and trust somebody new. You're going to reflect back on all the things you thought about all those people, all the ways you felt about those people, and your brain is going to make the same assumption that maybe they can't be trusted.?

If you really want to trust people, i.e. The thing that you're missing is connection and trust and friends, then you might miss the red flags - you might miss the things that are telling you that actually, this is not a genuine person! They are trying to sell to you. They're trying to get something from you. Or even more simply, because not everybody in the world is sinister and harmful, but genuinely, they're probably more in it for themselves, which is fine if you understand that.?

The key to having good relationships is to understand the rules of each relationship, because how you build it is how it typically will carry on.?

If you build a relationship that's one-sided, that relationship will always be one-sided, in which case when you need that person, if you've been their person to go to, and you go to them, they're not there. And obviously, the same can be said the other way around…

In an ideal world, you would build balanced friendships and relationships; in business and in life, where everybody is participating, everybody is contributing, everybody understands, and everybody is equal. In that kind of relationship, the expectations almost don't need to be there. You are being who you are, they are being who they are. And every value, speed, tempo and trust lines up. Sounds like a wonderful situation, doesn't it? If you don't have it, then you probably think it doesn't exist. If you do have it, you're nodding along, saying “yes, Vivienne, this is how I knew my person, this is how I know my people”.?

The thing is, in this day and age, we've become obsessed with volume! Number of followers, connections, friends, people that show that we're popular. And unfortunately, that means that we're probably missing the true connections and friendships that we want and need. It's more important to have 5,000 people on your Instagram than five people in your inbox genuinely saying, how are you? How are you feeling??

We measure things by how many people seem to like us, and that phrase ‘seem to’ is the key, because maybe they're/we're all doing the same.?

The most important thing in my life has been to find my tribe. I really hate that phrase, but it's true. And I've even got a tribe called the She-Thrives tribe. They've been with me, some of them for four or five years, and what happens is, over time, they really trust each other. When you TRULY find your people, there's no question about it. There's no, “oooh they're nice, but”, or, “oh, I thought they were genuine, but the little little warning sign told me not”.?

When you really, truly meet your tribe, and they meet you, it's like you've known each other forever. And that tribe is typically not 1,000s of people, and if it is, then you've been really lucky - maybe you were part of a big tribe in cave person times!

Everything is still tribal. Years ago, we used to be in tribes. And the only time the tribes crossed is if it was arranged, or if it was a war. Which is why if we don't trust someone, well, it's instinctive. We don't trust them until we believe they're part of our tribe.?

Have you found your tribe??

Have you created a tribe??

Sometimes, if you're supposed to be the tribeleader and you're following, you'll never find your tribe? Because actually, you're supposed to build your own tribe! If you need to build your tribe, and you need some help doing that and you're not quite sure because you're a bit scared to step into your role as leader, then you need to reach out to me and I would love to help you.?

I predominantly work with leaders. I work with leaders and people who want to change something. They want to change the world in some way. These are my ideal clients. I help them build their purpose driven business, build their confidence, get clarity, get courage, get clear… When you get clear, your clients (and tribe) will appear.?

If you're in business and you don't have clients coming, then something isn't clear. Maybe it's the way you're building your tribe. Maybe it's the way you're leading, maybe it's the way you're talking about things, and maybe it comes from how you're feeling.?

If you want to change any of those things and you need to know where to start, I'm Vivienne Joy; essentially, I coach leaders and coaches, and people that want to help the world. I look forward to speaking to you .