How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over (Knowing When It's Time To Leave A Marriage)
How do you know when your marriage is over - Knowing when it's time to leave a marriage.
Are you in a bad marriage and wonder if the marriage is over? How can you tell if your marriage is over? What are the signs that a marriage is over and you should consult a divorce attorney?
There are times when you might hit a rough patch in your marriage and wonder if your relationship can be salvaged or not. This might actually happen more than you realize and to a hundred or thousands of couples each year. If you really want to know if your marriage is over, here are a number of signs to be on the lookout for.
You Dream of a Different Life
If you find yourself dreaming of a different life without your husband, you marriage may be headed toward divorce. This is especially true if you find yourself fantasizing about divorce more and more often. While it is common to occasionally daydream about a different life, if you find yourself doing it often, you may need to consult a marriage therapist or a divorce attorney.
The Bad Outweighs the Good
You will also be in need of help if the bad in your marriage outweighs the good. In order to reverse this trend, you will need to seek professional help. If you don't, the problems will continue to fester and eventually lead to more problems and more bad than good. At this point, your marriage will likely be over.
Keep Things to Yourself
Your marriage may be over if you start keeping things to yourself. This means shutting down any method of communication with your partner because you can't bring yourself to talk to him. This can be a sign of no trust remaining in a marriage. At this point, a marriage will have a hard time surviving because all must be based on trust in order to work.
Defense Mechanisms are Working Overtime
If you find yourself being overly defensive, then your marriage may be headed for trouble. This usually happens when you have contempt for the other and feel like they are always getting on your case about something. Defense mechanisms also prevent you from having a healthy conversation and trying to work out your issues with each other.
You Feel Alone
You may be headed for a divorce if you feel as though you are the only one trying to work out the issues. Marriage is a two way street and it take an effort from both parties in order to make it work. If your husband has withdrawn, he may not be interested in solving the issues and at this point it will be hard to salvage the relationship.
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No Sex
Another sign that a marriage is crumbling is if you very rarely have sex. Most couples will have sex a few times a week or at least in a month. However, if you have both pulled away from each other it is a sign that the emotional connection has been lost. At this point, the marriage will become one of convenience or will end in a divorce.
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Invest In Saving Your Marriage
Despite the ease of obtaining a divorce, if the foundation of love still exists in your relationship with your spouse, it is essential to try and save your marriage. Consider the following five points as a way to start:
1. Decide together that whatever the problems in your marriage, you will make an effort to try to work things out. A simple promise to "try" can be the first step to look objectively at your relationship and see if it is salvageable.
2. Commit to communicating effectively. Whatever the basis is for the breakdown of your relationship, the starting point to rebuilding it is open and honest communication. Feelings and perceptions are sometimes hard to express, but so important to explore. Agree on ground rules. Let one person speak without interruption. Instead of being accusatory, begin sentences with "When this happened, it made me feel...". Try to listen with an open mind and attempt to understand your partner's point of view. Often miscommunication breeds resentment and hurt, and just calmly talking and patiently listening will get to the bottom of some of the misconceptions that are affecting your relationship.
3. Be willing to compromise. Look objectively at what you are demanding, try to step outside of yourself and see what it looks like from your partner's perspective. One of the biggest components of love is the ability to recognize your own faults and strive to improve them and the other most basic foundation of love is to recognize your partner's faults, and tolerate them. Choose your battles. Honestly assess your resistance to your partner's point of view. Is his opinion really that unrealistic, or is your opposition an effort to exert control rather than save the relationship from a bad choice.
4. Forgive and move on. Many difficulties in a marriage occur from a betrayal of trust from one partner that is discovered by another. Anger and resentment can stagnate a relationship. It is impossible to move forward when you are constantly looking back over your shoulder and bringing up the transgressions of your partner. Forgiving does not minimize or erase the hurt. In fact, the first step should be to verbalize in a calm manner the effect that your partner's behavior has had on you as a person and both of you as a couple. That done, it should be released and put in the proper perspective for your relationship. Forgiving is not so much for the person who has caused the pain, it is more to free the offended from the pain.
5. Explore and implement the changes necessary to change the behaviors that cause the difficulties in your relationship. If necessary, seek the help of a counselor or professional therapist to help you work through your issues. Face what went wrong, dismiss blame, and concentrate on how to improve the situation. Look objectively at your role in what happened and how you can change yourself, or how you can change how you react to your partner, to correct the problems.
A relationship begins with love and attraction and despite all the fairy tales, marriage is hard work. Building a good relationship does not always come easy. There are many days that are blissfully happy and others that are trying and difficult. The complications of life often blur the love of the parties. There are periods in every marriage that are trying, and often you may be tempted to take the easy way out and end it. But consider the above points as a way to open a dialogue to save your marriage. The challenges are many, but the rewards are even greater. As your relationship grows and matures, the richness of the first love and attraction settles into a solid, loving life partnership.
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